♥ How do you handle family that treats you like a piece of c**p?

Question

Seriously. I don't want to go into specifics ... but they literally treat me like a piece of garbage; and i am tired of it. And i am starting to feel as if they want me to fail just so that i can be as miserable as they are.

I'm not saying certain ones haven't done "nice things" for me, or that they've not helped me out here and there, as they have. (And yes i'm grateful) But i'd rather be treated with respect then handed a hundred bucks to help with bills. And i don't think that compensates for having to tolerate being talked down to, and treated as though i'm an annoyance and a bother, or that i'm not wanted. I'm grown, but it still hurts and this is ridiculous.

I've tried to mend the relationship, and it worked for a while, but now it's getting bad again.

IF i pop in for a visit, on occasion it's never "Hi it's nice to see you" it's "What are you doing here? I don't want you here" IF i ask them id they want to do something for the day (anything!) it's always "I'm too busy!" If on occasion they do a favour for me, or visit, it never lasts longer than 20 minutes because they've "more important things to do." Even my sister has started treating me like c**p in the way in which she speaks to me, and my mom does nothing about it but just partonizes me and downplays the situation and lets her get away with it. BUT if she speaks to someone else in that same manner, she is immediately corrected.

I talk to my family somewhat regularly (a lot sometimes) but it doesn't seem to be anything more than superficial. Friends of my sibling(s) get treated much better than i do because their lives are going "smoothly" whereas I'M BLOOD and i'm treated like junk AND i feel that if things were perfect in my life THEN they'd want to actually spend time with me and treat me right. That's the way they are, and i think that's ridiculous.

I've never had a drug or drinking problem. Never had any reason of personal habits that would validate their acting this way. I think it's all relative to "success" and the fact that things suck right now in my life. (still) lol.

IF i voice my complaint? All they do is yell about all the things they've done for me and how they've made mistakes, which is only a means of trying to control the conversation to go their way so that i feel badly about saying i object to certain behaviours.

I love my family, really i do. I know on some level they love me too, And I'm thankful for them, and i understand what it's like to be busy and have a ton of things to do and be under stress... i'm a grown woman for godsakes, but i am tired of this.

They're not rotten people .. i just think they are so used to blaming and scapegoating me for everything that goes wrong in life that it's second nature to treat me like junk because they know i'll still love them anyway. And the things i need the most are the things they will not do for me (even though i don't really like help as i'd rather do things for myself) .... i'm just really irritated and upset, and i don't know what to do about it.

I rarely ask serious questions on here, but this time i'm serious. How am i supposed to handle this? I'm tired of this nonsense.

How can i make this situation better?

xD

♥

Answer 1

Here's what you do.

You didn't want to get into specifics here with us, but I recommend that you get into specifics with yourself.

Write down all of the things that they do that makes you feel like c**p. Itemize each thing and leave a space on the paper between each item.

When you are satisfied that you have everything written down, re-read each item starting from the top, and in the space following the item write

"But I forgive them because this is the best that they are capable of giving me"

Then after you have done that take the paper all of this is written on, and put in into an envelope and seal it up. Then write on the outside of the envelope "THE PAST".

Then take the envelope and it's contents and in a symbolic way that satisfies you the most, destroy it ie: burn, shred, throw in the trash.

The point is, you are expecting things from your family that they are not capable of giving you. You want a family that supports you, nurtures you, and welcomes you. But they aren't that kind of people, so I suggest that you stop expecting that from them.

As for the bad stuff they have done to you in the past, well that's in the past. The past is gone, the future hasn't happened yet, so learn to live in the now.

That's how you handle this.

Answer 2

Don't even bother with the people that don't treat you with respect, even if it's family.  Just because they're miserable doesn't mean you have to be.  You already made an effort to get along, so why waste your time?  Focus on yourself, ignore the bad vibe, surround yourself with positive people, always be grateful for what you have and let them deal with their bitterness.  If you're independent, then even better because you don't have to depend on them.  Seriously why get mad, you don't want to be like them.

Answer 3

have a little family meeting and tell them you plan on distancing yourself from them because of the way they treat you.  just because they're family doesn't mean they can mistreat and manipulate you.  it's up to you to set the boundaries and since they will most likely not "get it" you should walk away.

Answer 4

The most you can do is "kill them with kindness". Meaning no matter how badly they treat you just be the bigger person. If you start doing what they do you'll be just as bad as them maybe even worse. Because you realized that your family treats you like s*** and then you just joined the band wagon and started treating them the same way. You don't want to be treated like that so don't start. Always be the bigger person. Lead by example. If that doesn't work, have a family sit down (intervention) and tell them about it. Yelling and screaming and taking control of the conversation leads nowhere. Star with: Letting them know you appreciate everything they have done for you & letting them know you love them. Sometimes ppl don't realize what they are doing because they are so use to acting a certain way they don't know any better. They need a "eye-opener" or a hard kick in the a** to make them realize this is seriously effecting you. You don't deserve that and you need to express those feelings. Don't in any condition suppress those feelings because they may come out in the wrong way towards someone you really care about and they may take it the wrong way...not really understanding what's going on in your home life. So just talk to them about it. Hopefully they are mature enough to understand and change their ways. If that don't work...just pray for them and continue to be kind. What goes around comes around. Ppl usually say that when something bad happens but hopefully with enough praying your acts of kindness and maturity with rub off on them. Good Luck and Stay positive!!!

P.S. If that don't work karma is a b****. They are gonna want something from you.

Answer 5

“Family” and “toxic relationship” are words that should not be together, however sometimes they are, and excising (yes, this is a surgery) the Family is very difficult. But waiting around, hoping for a few crumbs of warmth and worthwhile acknowledgment is eating you up.

Say “No”, not to your family, but to yourself. “No, I will not be treated this way.” “No, I do not deserve pain and hurt.” “I will not allow this.” Let your dignity shine through. And walk away.

There are people who care, people who will say “Yes!” right along with you. “Yes, I am protecting myself.” “Yes, I like feeling good.” "I like standing up for myself!"

There are even people who smile when they see your name.

Answer 6

Sometimes you can and sometimes you can't.  It mainly depends on the family's willingness to listen and how much they want to change.  I am going through the same situation with my Father, who is very judgmental.  The way I handle it:  When he is acting "good" I spend time with him, listen to him, joke around with him, etc, but when he is "mean" I ignore him and stay away from him.  Basically, your family has to know that you will not tolerate their rudeness by putting up with them regardless of the situation just b/c they are family. When they start ranting and raving and you try to explain and they keep rambling on, then politely disconnect yourself from them.  Say something like, "Thanks for your opinion, but I disagree with you."