【First question in yahoo!】Dear friends,please check out the mistakes in my composition.Thanks.?

Question

In Shanghai Days

During June 14th to June 23rd of 2008, ten lifelong unforgettable days. I was in Shanghai. A city I yearning for!

First came to Shanghai, I was amazed by a forest of skyscrapers. The beautiful girls there impressed me the most. There leaved some of my “first”. First take an underground, first go to McDonald’s, first see 4D (four-dimensional) movies… Of course! First go to Shanghai.

They accompanied me for first two days. And the rest 8 days, I went out and played all by myself. First independence day, I went within an inch of a wrong way. I nearly went to the easternmost Shanghai. I reached Gangcheng Road. Then with a series of hard search, I came back home. First independence day. Interesting, exciting and a little tired.

Other days, all were right. I went to Huangpu River. I see the Oriental Pearl Tower, I see Shanghai’s tallest building—Shanghai Global Financial Hub. I liked the smell of Huangpu River. I went to Fudan University, a place formerly belongs to me.

Answer 1

During the 14th of June up to the 23rd, 2008, i had these lifelong unforgettable days.

A city I was yearning for!

First, I came to Shanghai. I was amazed..

There leaved some of my "firsts": first take in an undergound (place?), first stop to McDonald's, first see in...

And of course, firts go to Shanghai!

(who accompanied you for the first two days? It must be a person. It appears that Shanghai accompanied you.)

And for the rest of the days,..

I went within... wrong way at my first Independence Day.

My first Independence Day was interesting and exciting, yet it was tiring.

The other days were all right too.

I saw the Oriental Pearl Tower, Shanghai's tallest building -...

I also liked the smell...

Lastly, I went to Fudan University...

Answer 2

I was in Shanghai, a city I have been yearning for.

While there visited for the first time, 1) Took an underground. etc.

Answer 3

My Days in Shanghai

Between June 14th and June 23rd of 2008, I experienced ten unforgettable days in Shanghai--a city I had been yearning for!

The first amazing sight in Shanghai was a forest of skyscrapers. However, the beautiful girls there impressed me the most.

The girls helped me do many things in Shanghai that I had never done before, including taking an underground subway, going to McDonald's, seeing a 4D movie, and, of course, visiting  Shanghai!  The girls accompanied me for two days but for the remaining eight, i explored the city by myself.  

On Independence Day I got lost - I nearly went all the way to the easternmost part of Shanghai!  I reached Gangcheng Road and after a confusing search, found myself back home.  My first Independence Day in Shanghai was interesting, exciting and a little tiring.  

Luckily, that was the last time I got lost.  I visited the Huangpu River another day and I remember thinking that it smelled good.   I also saw the Oriental Pearl tower, and Shanghai's tallest building - the Shanghai Global Financial Hub.  Finally, I went to Fudan University, a place I have studied for a long time.

sorry, i didn't really understand the last sentence. It can't have belonged to you formerly if you've never been there.