1 month, still no s*x. Virgin wife is still scared. What next?

Question

Howdy folks. Been almost a month now since I married my wife. She still won't let us physically consummate the marriage. She's scared of the pain. Maybe this is some sort of punishment for something I did wrong earlier in life.

Anyhoo, the details....

I will be getting inside her only a bit, and when it comes time for me to push fully, she winces in pain, and her legs tighten, and she moves up in bed. I try to catch up, she moves again. If she's against the wall or headboard, she will turn her body, and she keeps moving up.

So! Sounds like fun, eh? Myself, I'm getting mighty frustrated! As I've said in a previous e-mail, she's still a virgin. We've used up half a bottle of lube. Still nothing. I have to tell her to keep her legs spread. I wanted to make love to her gracefully before we married, but now....

So, the consequences of her not putting out? I feel alone. As if we are starting to drift. It is becoming harder and harder to get into the mood, because I'm starting to expect nothing to happen. I'm starting to think I will have a sexless marriage in the future.

She calls herself a coward. I don't argue with that. I must admit, my heart is hardening some. Our relationship is changing because of this. We are Catholic. I don't want to end a marriage over something like this.

There's gotta be an answer! Help us!

Answer 1

she just has to suck it up, I mean billions of girls in the world have and she's just one of them, it's not even that bad. But I understand where she's coming from. Tell her how you feel and she just may try it. But if she doesn't know how much this is really hurting the relationship she may never start.

Answer 2

The best advice I can offer is to maybe sit down and talk to a marriage counselor to help or maybe a couples priest at your church.  It looks like your wife may have more issues with s*x other than feeling the pain itself......maybe sexual abuse was in her past...but you can't give up because you married her for a reason but clearly she has a negative view of s*x and she needs counseling....GOOD LUCK!!!

Answer 3

1) A doctor, have her checked out, see if there's a physical problem

2) Some education......s*x is fun, not just painful

3) Some self control on your part, if she's not ready, why the h**l are your trying to force yourself on her?

4) Have you even HEARD the term foreplay?  Get a book, get a video, get her EXCITED!

5) Have you even tried talking to her?  If she knew you cared, and love her, (and didn't want to just get laid), it might be easier

There are tons of resources available, use some of them

Luck

Answer 4

ok so basically, it wont hurt if she is relaxed and comfortable. so you need to create the enviroment. use lots of candles and romance and all tha jazz. and use LOTS of foreplay, like half an hour. as soon as she pulls away, dont try and catch up...just let it go. this must be really hard and frustrating. jsut do everything but s*x until she is comfortable enough to do it. it didnt hurt me because i was so comfortable etc. good luck to you and your wife. dont give up......

Answer 5

Ok, I have one tip for you. Practice makes perfect. You kind of have to.....get her "loosened" up so to speak. Start out small.....with your hands. Get her aroused with lots of foreplay then gradually work up to "bigger" things. Start out with your hand, ask her whats comfortable as far as how many fingers and so on.

After you've taken care of her a few times that way she'll be ready for the real deal.

Take your time and ease into it. It really DOESN'T hurt that bad. If you have her aroused enough she'll definitely enjoy it even if there is some slight pain.

Take your time. Take small steps.

Good luck!  

Answer 6

my dear friend,

i think you are trying to insert your head in a small hole of bottle.

do you know when a women is excited her v****a is tight by virtue of which hole get smaller........

so during intercourse start with 0 inch ( assume length of p***s is 6 inch:::::: as mine)

and don't forget lubrication(use it at ur part).....

start motion backward and forward at one place and slowly by 1/4 inch move forward............then motion and then move by 1/4 inch........

by this you will reach the position fo 6 inches...........

and there are alot of pain to her but you have adjust by giving her oral s*x by kissing......... by pressing b***s etc..........

ultimately you have to do it..................because you are MAN...........

BEST OF LUCK.........

Answer 7

it's a rare problem. you need to consult with a doctor.

Answer 8

Get her a d***o to practice with when you are not there. She can work at her own pace without fear or pressure, and get herself ready for you both physically and mentally. Most women do this simple common sense thing while they are virgins, and thus do not have such a problem.

http://astore.amazon.com/where.to.buy.di...

Also, make sure you are using the correct hole.

Make love to her orally for a few sessions telling her that no attempt at penetration will happen. Just be there to pleasure her so that she gets the idea that it is for HER pleasure.

If everything fails, and I really do not think it will with all the good advice I and others are giving you, then do not be ashamed to ask for help from an expert. There are many guys out there with small c***s who are very good at getting women past this point. Ask a prostitute to find one clean and suitable. Ask a cab driver which prostitute to ask.

Answer 9

whoa. . . you need to get her to talk to another woman about this.

Answer 10

um take some shots or try it after a fun night out....she wont feel it as much if she is under the influence.  also, go down on her....she needs to be so horny that she wants it.  it sounds like you are scaring her so lay off it a little so its not so much pressure.  if you are having trouble getting in the mood because of this than imagine how she feels.  also maybe you guys could get some counseling or s*x ed that coule be really helpful...

Answer 11

Wow. Why the heck is she so scared? Are you practising any foreplay to get her good and excited or are you one of those guys who just push it in and expect the woman to enjoy it? Read some books or something, man,and get this girl begging for it!!!

Answer 12

i know you don't want to here stuff like this being in your situation but

if you love her then s*x shouldn't matter

Answer 13

This is very normal. many of my friends have gone through this ordeal. Nothing to panic.  Have patience, in a few months time you will start having a normal s*x life. Do not allow this to hamper your otherwise  beautiful relationship. Keep talking and discussing things with your partner. After some time you will look back and laugh with amusement. Keep trying.  

Answer 14

Well, to many, this may be humurous but actually, this is very common (not in the US, but in conservative countries). My suggestion coming from a female who also had a tough time and it took awhile also, make her more comfortable. I don't know what you're methods are but try to relax her more and there won't be no pain if her muscles are relaxed. So be romantic and DON'T push fully, push softly until it gradually goes in and then you'll be love making in no time.  

Answer 15

1. Give her some space. There is obviously some unknown reason she hasn't revealed to you that makes her so scared of having s*x and the pain. Someone in her family or past TOLD her it was painful. She has been emotionally traumatized.

2. Ask her if she's willing to seek some therapy. She needs to talk to a female therapist about her sexual issues. Show her you love and support her no matter what(That was in your marraige vows,remember)

3. Show some compassion, she was either emotionally traumatized by the idea of s*x, or she isn't being honest about being a virgin and maybe she was raped or molested as a child.(It's a great possibility) and suffers from shame and or guilt. She associates s*x with pain.

4. Have her see a doctor, there may be a reason s*x causes her so much pain. I don't know how 'BIG" you are, but not all women can handle a large man (if you know what I mean) the size may scare her.

5. If she's that stressed out it will make her even tighter and can be painful when entry is attempted. You need to get her relaxed and reassure her you don't want to hurt her, and don't rush her. Relax her with some scented candles, a nice soothing sensual massage, play some relaxing mood music. Look deep into her eyes and tell her how much you love her. You didn't marry her for the s*x, you married her for her heart and soul. Ease up on the pressure.

6. If your both catholics, it's very possible her parents may be to blame for the scare tactics, so she wouldn't think s*x was something you enjoy so she would stay a virgin. They just forgot to tell her once you're married it's ok to have s*x and enjoy it. Someone screwed withher head or worse, her body.

7. I was raped and I know that sometimes I felt shameful if I was having s*x with someone and would have flashbacks from the rape and turn away from my partner and cry, and just freak out. So, she may be repressing the memory, but her body may be consciously protecting itself. Get her some therapy and a medical examination. The doctor can tell if she is still really a virgin. Then that will tell you if she may have been raped, otherwise she just flat out lied. But I doubt she's lying. She has classic symptoms of being sexually abused.

Answer 16

You need to use more foreplay.   Spend a lot of time on it.  Maybe she could have a glass or two of wine.  

Answer 17

Have you tried letting her be on top . . . that way she can be in control.

Also, s*x doesn't hurt that bad, this may stem from something else all together. You may suggest the two of you go to a s*x therapist.

Answer 18

A healthy s*x life is crucial to a marriage. If you don't have that it is simply a friendship.

I would keep trying, but if you haven't got anywhere in about 6 months time, you can get the marriage annulled as it was never consummated.

Answer 19

Schedule an appointment with her ob/gyn - it shouldn't be embarrasing-these doctors are supposed to handle these kinds of issues.  Otherwise, your marriage is in serious trouble.  She's got some problems, and she needs to be willing to work on them, or you need to file anullment.

Answer 20

there could be several reasons for this.  either she has been raped or otherwise abused in the past and hasn't gotten the help she needs to deal with it (as a rape survivor, i know it can be hard to have s*x with someone after, even if it's someone you love), or it could be that you aren't giving her enough foreplay.  you say you've been using lots of lube, but if you're giving her enough foreplay, she should make her own lube.  you have to take your time and make sure she feels wanted, and not in a lecherous way.  unless you have a freakishly huge p***s, it shouldn't hurt her very much, even the first time.  

either way, i suggest you go to counseling together before this gets worse.  it's not just her problem, it's yours as well.

Answer 21

Counseling is your answer.

I know it's hard to go up to a stranger and tell him/her yuou're having sexual problems face to face. At least in here you can write it and nobody knows who you are. But it seems her problem is more psychological than anything else. go to a relationship counselor and I am sure he will help. Don't be afraid to do so either, there have been many other couples coming to the same counselor for the same problem.

I think you both love each other, but I understand your frustration, and trust me she probably feels worse about it. Get counseling, you won't regret it.

Answer 22

get advice for a doctor or a psychoanalyze

Answer 23

Sounds like your wife is in need of therapy.  She needs to talk to a professional.  It might not be just a fear of the unknown, but maybe she was sexually abused in the past?  I don't know, just sounds too weird to me for a woman to be scared to that extent.  How old is she?

I lost my virginity at 20.  I had fooled around prior to that, but no penetration.  I used to think it would hurt the first time because of what I'd heard from people, you know, the bleeding and all, but to my surprise there was no pain, other than just a little discomfort; and no bleeding whatsoever.

Answer 24

you have to tell her to trust you, it is a painful experience for a virgin (wish it was easier for women then men)....but she needs to be in the mood...she needs to be so arroused and into you at the moment...if she is she wont even think of anything hurting her...plus your her husband...she should trust you, after all she did marry you...give her some time talk to her caress her, make her feel good about her body and self

GOOD LUCK!

Answer 25

There's nothing wrong with s*x at this point. This is the time that you guys should be enjoying, and figuring out what you like sexually. Just remind mind her that s*x isn't only for making kids. It also has it's enjoyment purposes too. Why else would God make s*x feel so good?

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