10 Points!!! What do you think of this poem I wrote? Entering contest!!?

Question

I wrote this poem and i want to know what you think? Aspiring writer. Here it is:

“The cripple who is whole”

I may be blind

But I am not crippled.

Am I crippled because?

I am unable to judge?

All I see

Is the beauty in everyone

The everlasting beauty

That engulfs their very souls

That permeates every cell

Every pore, every vein throughout their body

What someone cannot see lies deep within.

And the truth lies just beneath the surface

Allow your consciousness to dive deep

Deep within the core of your inner being

And tell me what you see.

Those who are able to see are crippled

As they feel the need

To judge, to ponder, to discriminate

I am not crippled, I am whole.

Answer 1

Speaking as a member of the Georgia Council of the Blind, I can agree that blindness is not being crippled, except in the mind of the individual.  Speaking as a poet, I like what you have written with the exception of some punctuation;

I may be blind

But I am not crippled.

Am I crippled because?

I am unable to judge?

The question mark after because needs to disappear, it puts a stop where ther should be no stop, the sentence needs to flow smoothly.

About being cliche` I say horse hockey.  People who tell you it is cliche`d are doing so out of ignorance due to the fact they don't know enough about poetry to keep the mouths shut.

Good luck with your contest, and I hope it's not a poetry guild or poetry.com or society of poets contest, for they are all scams to seperate you from your money.  Been there, done that.  Everyone who enters is a semifinalist, but no actual person ever wins the money.

Answer 2

Excellent poetry,how great thou art! How great thou art! I relish the part 'I am not crippled, I am whole.' I can conclude that your poem tells me about the author being blind and not being crippled,but whole.Keep it up.

Answer 3

Well, it  does not rhyme, there is no discernable rhythm, you do not make use of alliteration, assonance, simile or metaphor, it is self obsessed and lacks any merit.

Still, Carol Anne Duffy made a career out of writing this sort of thing.

Know any Mersey Poets?

Answer 4

AWESOMENESS!!!!!♥ This Poem is from the heart. So right on my friend! I love those types of poems so I think its genius.

Answer 5

Very deep thought there...it makes me think....i would rate it a 9/10 if we were rating:D

Answer 6

Honestly it is a bit clichéd,

terms like:

"All I see

Is the beauty in everyone

The everlasting beauty"

"Allow your consciousness to dive deep

Deep within the core of your inner being

And tell me what you see."

This line has some repetition in the word beauty that could be changed:

"Is the beauty in everyone

The everlasting beauty"

How does this make sense:

"What someone cannot see lies deep within.

And the truth lies just beneath the surface"

Also change the word ponder in the last stanza, it is irrelevant because it doesn't tie into the words discriminate and judge.

Just some critique, perhaps a bit harsh, but might shape up this poem into a winner :) Perhaps--

those are just some of the technical things thats judges will probably be looking at and to help you poem sound and display your message better. You deliver the message well though :)

Matt

Answer 7

very g*y