10 points for the best Chuck Norris Joke i'll start it out?

Question

chuck norris can beat an opponent in connect four in only 3 moves

Answer 1

when chuck norris sings he breaks the sound barrier

when chuck norris goes to different planets he's still a local

when chuck norris throws up the food comes out whole  

Answer 2

Chuck Norris' tears can cure cancer...

Unfortunately, Chuck Norris has never cried...

Answer 3

Chuck norris is at the tip of your tongue. See him, see him? Awwww, tooo bad, he went away......

Answer 4

Scientists have discovered a way to travel two weeks into the future....A roundhouse kick from Chuck Norris

Answer 5

Chuck Norris went on vacation to the virgin islands but now they just call it the islands

Answer 6

Chuck Norris does not wear a condom. Because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

Before the Boogeyman goes to bed, he checks in his closet and under the bed for Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.

Guns don't kill people.  Chuck Norris does.

There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to different shades of black and blue.

When Chuck Norris falls into water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet.  Wet gets Chuck Norris.

When Chuck Norris does push ups he doesn't push himself up, he pushes the Earth down.

Answer 7

In Spain, people run away from bulls. The bulls run away from Chuck Norris.

The Great Wall of China was created to keep Chuck Norris out. IT FAILED.

Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck has 72; and they’re all poisonous.

Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck – covered in human skulls.

The quickest way to man’s heart is Chuck Norris’s fist.

Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in three moves.

What was going through his victim’s minds before Chuck Norris killed them? His shoe.

Chuck Norris is the only man ever to defeat a brick wall in the game of tennis.

Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris a Code 45-11: a suicide.

Chuck Norris doesn’t churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cow and it comes out.

Someone recorded Chuck Norris spazzing. It was called Walker: Texas Roundhouse Massacre.

The opening scene in “Saving Private Ryan” was based on Chuck Norris’s game of dodgeball.

America is not a democracy. It is a Chucktatorship.

Chuck put a potato on his crotch for Halloween. He went as a Dictater.

In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. Chuck Norris turned wine into beer.

Chuck Norris can hit you so hard, he’ll alter your DNA. Decades from now, your descendants will be like, “WHAT THE PICADILLY WAS THAT?”

Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris once kicked Albert Einstein in the face. We now know him as Steven Hawking.

In an average living room, there are 1,242 things Chuck Norris could use to kill you. Including the room itself.

When Chuck Norris donates blood, he rejects the syringe and insists using a hand gun and a bucket.

Chuck Norris sheds his skin twice a year.

Chuck Norris CAN believe it’s not butter.

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

Chuck Norris invented his own type of karate. It’s called Chuck-Will-Kill.

When you hate Chuck Norris, anything + anything is equal to one. One roundhouse kick.

On his birthday, Chuck randomly chooses one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.

The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square…. Until Chuck roundhouse kicked a corner off.

There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, because Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.

Chuck Norris chugged an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.

Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.

It takes four puppeteers to make Chuck Norris smile. But it takes two to make him destroy an orphanage.

Chuck Norris once worked as a weather man. Every night: party cloudy with a 75% chance of pain.

A high tide is caused by Chuck flying over the coast. The tide is by God peeing himself.

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

Helen Keller’s favorite color was Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris is suing MySpace for taking the name of everything around you.

A study shows that the top causes of death in the U.S are 1) Heart disease  2) Cancer  and 3)Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris did, in fact, build Rome in a day.

Chuck Norris is the only person in the world that can email a roundhouse kick.

Chuck Norris can set an ant on fire by using a magnifying glass. At night.

According to Einstein’s theory of relativity, Chuck can roundhouse kick you yesterday.

Chuck Norris pulled a hair out of his beard and skewered three men through the chest with it.

Chuck Norris starred in Walker: Texas Ranger because Chuck Norris doesn’t run. He hunts.

Behind every man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Chuck Norris.

There is an endless debate about the existence of the human soul. Chuck Norris knows it exists, and finds it delicious.

Most boots are made for walkin’. Chuck Norris’s boots aren’t that merciful.

Do you know why Baskin Robbins had 31 flavors? Because Chuck Norris hates Fudge Ripple.

Google Search won’t find Chuck Norris. You can’t find Chuck Norris. He finds you.

Nagasaki never had a bomb dropped on it. Chuck Norris jumped out of a plane and punched the ground.

Chuck Norris destroyed the Periodic Table, because he only believes in the Element of Surprise.

It is proved that a meteor destroyed the dinosaurs. If you consider Chuck Norris a meteor.

Chuck Norris shot the sheriff and roundhouse kicked the deputy.

Nothing can escape a Black Hole except Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris eats Black Holes. They taste like chicken.

How many Chuck Norris’ does it take to change a lightbulb? None, Chuck Norris prefers to kill in the dark.

It is better to give than to receive. Especially if you’re about to receive a roundhouse kick.

Chuck Norris is the only person to win a staring contest again Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder at the same time.

Industrial logging isn’t because of deforestation. Chuck Norris needs toothpicks.

Chuck Norris is the reason Waldo is hiding.

“Brokeback Mountain” is not just a movie. It’s what Chuck Norris calls a bunch of dead ninjas in his backyard.

When God said, “Let there be light!” Chuck Norris said, “Say please.”

Chuck Norris uses a nightlight; not because he’s afraid of the dark. The dark's afraid of Chuck Norris.

Edit: Why am I getting thumbs down? I think I gave a pretty good answer. Nobody else gave as much jokes =D

Answer 8

Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

Lol

Answer 9

what you can't see can't hurt you. If you can't see chuck norris....you may only be seconds away from death.

Answer 10

1.every time chuck norris flexes his muscles every chick in the world has an o****m

2.Every time chuck norris takes a dump the moon gets a new crater

3.Every time chuck norris skeets a new milky way galaxy is made

4.Chuck norris made the one ring to rule them all

5.chuck norris is the antichrist

6.Chuck norris has a belt made out of human-skulls

7.chuck doesn't sleep he waits

8.Chuck norris's f**t created the big bang thoery

9.A comet didn't kill the dinosaurs chuck norris did

10.Chuck norris can walk on water and swim on land

11.Chuck norris's tears cure Cancer,too bad he doesn't cry

12.steve irwin died from being stung by chuck norris

Answer 11

Chuck Norris isn't hung like a horse...a horse is hung like Chuck Norris!

Superman wears a Chuck Norris T-Shirt!

Answer 12

Chuck Norris once played Russian Rullet with a fully loaded gun by himself and won.