10 points for the lamest joke.

Question

10 points for the lamest joke.

Answer 1

A horse walks into a bar.

the bartender say " Why the long face"?

Answer 2

mary mary quite contrary how does your garden grow you silly t**t i live ina flat so how the dam do i now

Answer 3

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Answer 4

Don't face your problem if your problem is your face.

Answer 5

In a murder trial, the defense attorney was cross-examining the coroner:

Attorney: Before you signed the death certificate, had you taken the pulse?

Coroner: No.

Attorney: Did you listen to the heart?

Coroner: No.

Attorney: Did you check for breathing?

Coroner: No.

Attorney: So, when you signed the death certificate, you weren''t sure the man was dead, were you?

Coroner: Well, let me put it this way. The man''s brain was sitting in a jar on my desk. But I guess it''s possible he could be out there practicing law somewhere.

Answer 6

... 's Benedict'''": Edward is extremely annoyed with campers teasing him with jokes about laying eggs. But when he actually seems to lay one, he grows extreme ... | "'''Survival of the Lamest'''"  

Answer 7

One day there was a purple man. He lived in a purple house with purple chairs and a purple wife. One day he went in his purple car down to the purple corner shop and bought a purple lottery ticket, which he just happened to win later that night. the purple man and his purple wife decided to spend the money on a dream cruise in the pacific on the biggest purple ship around. They drove down to the purple docks in their purple car and got on the purple ship, but after a few days of sailing the purple seas, the purple ship hit an iceberg. the giant purple ship sank but the purple people managed to swim to a nearby red island. And that's when they realised:

*punchline*

They were marooned.

and also theres the other purple man joke:

a man wins the lottery. he buys himself a mansion. one day a purple man comes along and says 'can i stay in your mansion over night?' the man who won the lottery (i'll call him bob) says 'sure.'

the next day, bob wakes up, and his mansions burnt down. bob asks the purple man 'did u burn down my mansion?'

TPM replies' nope.'

so bob buys himself a large house.one day TPM comes along and says 'can i stay in your large house over night?' Bob says 'sure.'

the next day, bob wakes up, and his large house is burnt down. bob asks the purple man 'did u burn down my large house?'

TPM replies' nope.'

so bob buys himself a small cottage.one day TPM comes along and says 'can i stay in your small cottage over night?' Bob says 'sure.'

the next day, bob wakes up, and his small cottage is burnt down. bob asks the purple man 'did u burn down my small cottage?'

TPM replies' nope.'

so bob buys himself a caravan.one day TPM comes along and says 'can i stay in your caravan over night?' Bob says 'sure.'

the next day, bob wakes up, and his caravan is burnt down. bob asks the purple man 'did u burn down my caravan?'

TPM replies' nope.'

so bob buys himself a cardboard box. one day TPM comes along and says 'can i stay in your cardboard box overnight?' Bob says 'sure.'

in the middle of the night, bob wakes up, and hears this scritch, scritch sound, like someone trying to light a match. he looks around, and can see TPM striking a match. Bob asks 'have you been burning down all my houses?' TPM replies 'yep.'

THE END!!!

Answer 8

a man is in a doctor's office and says ''sir you have to stop masturbating''  the guy says '' why doc am i goin' blind" the doctor says '' no you are disturbing the rest of my patients''

Answer 9

KNOCK2,who`s there?

Pirate.

Pirate who.

pirate`s of the carribean.

Answer 10

Me: do you want to hear a really dirty joke?

You: ummm...OK...

Me: ...Johnny fell in the mud. Twice.

Answer 11

Man walks into a bar.

He says, "Ouch!"

Answer 12

woah.. sum of these are so bad they're quite gud!

Answer 13

what's black and white and read all over -

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

   a newspaper

Answer 14

Q What color is a banana

A YELLOW

haha lamest joke ever

Answer 15

A baby seal walked into a club

What do you call a woman with one leg? Eileen.

What do you call a Chinese woman with one leg? Irene

What did Batman say to Robin before getting in the car?

Robin, get in the car.

How do you define 'agony'?

A one-armed man hanging off a cliff, with an itchy ***.

Three old women were sitting on a park bench. A naked man sat on the bench next to them. The first old lady had a stroke. The second old lady had a stroke. The third old lady couldn't reach that far.

What has two legs and bleeds a lot?

Half a dog.

What do you call half a dog?

Doesn't matter, it won't come to you.

Where do you find half a dog?

Same place you left it.

Answer 16

2 sausages in a fry pan

1st sausage said "gee its hot in here

2nd sausage SAYS "OH MY GOD a talking a sausage"

Answer 17

how do you make a witch itch? -- take away her W

Answer 18

y are pirates called pirates

coz they arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

lololololololol that is soooooooooo awsome

Answer 19

what did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?

wheres my tractor?

Answer 20

Q: What did the fish say when he swam into the wall?

A: Dam!

Answer 21

A man is standing against the wall and there is a dartboard near him. Another guy throws the dart and misses the dartboard and nearly hits the bystander. The man says that was an nARROW escape.

Get it!!

Answer 22

Why was six scared of seven?

Because seven ATE nine.

Answer 23

Teacher: What is your name?

Student: (after being silent for 5 mins ) Said His name(i-e Jhon)

Answer 24

Mom,

when is the 4th of July???

Answer 25

what did the lawyer name her daughter? sue

what did the talking cat say to the other talking cat? Oh my gosh a talking cat

here's another

a man goes into his sons room and catches him masturbating

and he says "son if u m********e to much you'll lose you'll go blind'

and the son says :Dad I'm over here!"