10 pts best answer, im extremely accepting and open minded, but my boyfriend is so close minded.. help please?

Question

so i was on the phone last night with my boyfriend and we got on the subject of our future children.. and how we would like our household to be run.

i told him i want my kids to be whoever they want, as long as they are happy..and he was all, well i dont want to have a son that does ballet or something like that!

so i tried to tell him how if it would make him happy there is nothing wrong with it.. and it wouldn't make him g*y..

then i said.. besides.. if we did have a g*y son, what would you do?

this really set him off, and we talked for a few hours about how opposite we are.

he is homofobic, and hates being near g*y men. but i told him it doesn't even affect him as long as they are happy who cares!

he also classifies people by their race/ethnicity (sorry if i spelt that wrong)

i really dislike when he uses words that are demeaning to other people, because people are people..

any help here?

how can i get him to open up his mind and accept others for who they are?!?!

Answer 1

I was just about to say exactly what Elanshaw said...

Besides that, if you love him, you have to accept him the way he is, and you shouldn't be trying to change him.  I bet he'd be perfectly happy watching girl-on-girl p**n, though!

The one thing I can suggest is that you tell him his demeaning words are offensive to you, and ask him to not use those words & phrases while you're together.

Answer 2

how did you come to be with this guy? its hard to imagine how you could like each others company when he is so ignorant or others. This would p**s me off wayy to much. \i would never date a guy like that. I say you dump him, seems harsh, but really why put up with it...he probably won't change. good luck

Answer 3

Its important to find out all these things BEFORE you tie the knot.  Good for you.  

I'd say sleep on it.  You need time and education.  Probe a bit more and find out if he is really like you said and if he will be a little more accepting.  Take your time evaluating if this man is still the man for you based on all this information.  

You are not married yet.  If you can get him to be open minded - great.  If not - do you want to marry him?  Are you in love with someone that does not exist?  Who is your fiance really?  You haven't said I do yet so you still have time.   Let your head do some thinking here - not just your heart and hormones.

Answer 4

You are with the wrong man. There is no way your going to change him and as time goes on the differences will become unbearable. Especially after you have kids. This is not a way to build towards a marriage. Believe me when I tell you that you need a man who has an open mind similar to yours.

Answer 5

Your boyfriend seriously needs to grow up.  I read something by the late Alfred Kinsey (a guy who did a lot of research on homosexuality) that said something along the lines of "One who fears homosexuals often has homosexual intent themselves."  I thought that was really interesting.  Maybe your boyfriend is g*y.

Once someone has closed their mind to something, it is very difficult to open it.  If your boyfriend is homophobic and racist, I would HATE to meet his parents!

Answer 6

Some people change when it becomes their own child who is g*y or dating a person of another race.  Others do not.  Speaking as someone who has been there and dated people who were closed-minded, I'm going to tell you that this is going to be a difficult relationship.  I doubt you'll be able to change how he is.  This may not be the man you want raising your children.  Whatever he says and does WILL rub off onto them.  Perhaps you should take this as a warning sign.

Answer 7

One thing I learned..you can't change anyone who jus't doesn't want to change..you're going to stress yourself out trying to change him...let it go..

Doesn't sound like future husband material to me..

Answer 8

You can't.  When you love someone you have to accept them as they are.  When you try to change someone it becomes a big problem and love will fly right out the window.

I have to say that it is good you are discussing these issues before you have children.  This is important for you to know.

What would happen if your child turns out to be g*y, or your son taking up ballet, or your daughter taking up boxing?  Would he be a father to them, embarrassed by them, or will he shun them?

Opposites attract sometimes is good, sometimes not.