10 pts > What do you think of my free verse?

Question

"Get it Back, or Get Back"

Why couldn't you just love me,

Only for a minute?

Only for a second?

Am I so far gone that nothing else can pull me back?

Why did you symphony end?

So there you go, with the sun on your shoulders

And my life in between them.

You can never know,

Never know what you hold.

I wish I could tell it to you.

Get back, save your skin for

Days that you've forgotten.

Stop the absurdities,

Or you'll wish you hadn't left

The memories behind.

Answer 1

Omg........wow..........you go girl. Keep up that talent! Never stop writing. with lyrics like that you can reach the top. :O Keep pushing your self to your dreams. never give up. Dont doubt your self, ever! I did and my dreams slightly fell but they were still hanging by a thin string! Awsome.

Answer 2

thats deep,really deep.it sorta reminded me of my relationship i had with this boy.

Answer 3

i love it! you have a lot of talent!

Answer 4

wow, beautiful!

you should read that to the guy, that will get him back fo sho =D

Answer 5

I Like it!

Answer 6

I like it

Answer 7

thats really good, its deep.

Answer 8

really good, and ya you should change that line

Answer 9

that sounds really good, u should send into a magazing or send it to an editor, you've got real talent

Answer 10

I really like your free verse i write songs too. This part one is written well. Good job!

Answer 11

from  what i READ  it sounded good, no, great, but if you want my real opinion,  I would have 2 hear a tune, that is what really makes the song, good luck and keep on writing,

from a song writer, to a song writer,

were in the same boat

Answer 12

I couldn't write a song if my life depended on it so I couldn't very well say anything negative about it.  

Only thing I know is when it comes to songs they have a sort of "main theme" about the song where the lines tend to repeat itself and that's like...a prerequisite.

Answer 13

that is a very lovely poem and it would be a good song to are you in a poetry contest because if not you should enter you would most definelry win

Answer 14

i liked it ur cery talented ,its emotional in a good way

Answer 15

I think it sounds cool.  It's pretty good, you should become a musician.

Answer 16

Why did my symphony end?

--Deep, very deep.  I really liked it!  I loved the imagery of a romance and a symphony, that was excellent?

Answer 17

it is nice! i think you are a good poetrist ( i dont know if this is the right word)

Answer 18

Really? Everyone here thinks this is a good poem. Really?

There's a good line break in the penultimate line. Other than that there's nothing here to grab on to, hold on to, or visualize. Only one image "the sun on your shoulders", and it's a cliche. However, the next line kind of saves it because it is fresh and original. So give me more of that. Give me more line breaks like the penultimate line. That's the good stuff. That's real. C'mon give it to me. Don't hide.

Answer 19

i love it its very creative and deep :)

Answer 20

Hey, I really like it :) keep writing!

Answer 21

I think that it is a great peom. Keep on writing.

Answer 22

Why couldn't you just love me,

Only for a minute?

Only for a second?

He/she probably did... that's why he/she is gone now! He/she should love you for a lifetime.

Answer 23

that's really amazing if i tried to write free verse i would suck... It has amazing feeling and an aura that almost captivates the reader... if you have more i would be delighted to hear them