10-year-old toileting issues?? Please help!?

Question

My 10-year-old daughter was potty-trained at 2.5. Two years ago, she was in a serious accident that left her temporarily incontinent. We (myself, my husband, and her doctors) have decided that it is time to start retoilet training. She has regained sensations, and knows when she needs to go. She is able to hold her bladder and bowels (for a short period of time) when she wants to. When I ask her to go potty, she will, but she will not go on her own. I tried to switch her to pull-up style diapers, and she got very upset, and said she didn't want them. She always tells me she needs changing as soon as she defecates, but when I try to change a wet diaper, sometimes she becomes very upset and hits me. Other times, she's fine. I want her to be able to have a normal life, but she is having difficulty retoilet training. What should I do?

Answer 1

Well a 10 year old under normal conditions should WANT to go to the toilet so if she CAN feel the urge AND hold herself for short periods of time then she should be doing it.

You really need to find the reason WHY she won't go on her own.

I realise I don't know the whole situation but pull up style diapers are easier to go on and off (that's why older adults wear that style when they have issues). I say get her those and just those. If she doesn't like it and wants to be out of them then she'll have to go on her own.

It sounds like the changing issue and hitting could just be embarrassment and frustration.

I worked one summer for a sleep away camp for people with disabilities of various abilities and ages. One poor girl had been in an accident and was slightly mentally affected but most of the trouble was a bad leg and incontinence. The first time it came up that we had to change her diaper I was up for the job. We were told that she'll stand against a wall and keep her legs shut and just to tap her knees and she'd open them so we could get her clean, so I followed the instructions given by her parents and she punched me so hard I had a fat lip for days. Apparently they left that part out on purpose because they thought she wouldn't get in. However, the nurse on staff told me it was a normal reaction for her situation.

Most able bodied people find diapers degrading and humiliating and I'm sure your daughter does too. If she doesn't already have one, a counselor might help her work through the hard stuff.

Good Luck.

Answer 2

start her on a strict schedule of toileting...Every two hours while awake,,,If she cannot make the two hours continent, then switch to an hour and a half, finding the time zone that is comfortable and works for her.  Toilet after every meal.   And, I would tell her, as long as there is a problem with either bowels or bladder, pull ups are the order of the day,  Does not have to be a diaper.  You should be able to get pull ups in her size.  You are the parent, and just work around what she does not want and take care of what she needs.  Even let her wear "regular" panties outside the pull up  If she tells you that she does not have to go when it is time, tell her to go and try,  Explain in detail what you are trying to do.  Several times if you have to.  It is time to be firm, encouraging,and persistant so that she knows what to expect.  If she can tell time, make it as much her responsibility as yours, with you keeping an eye on the clock in case she forgets.  Chart success, and have a reward at the end of the week if she does well.  Make it a long term goal, rather than an instant gratification of improved toileting behavior.

Answer 3

I would be talking to the doctor about this. It may be that she needs some councelling to help with the process as It may be that she is scared

Answer 4

Have you consulted a support group for parents with children in serious accidents? It does sound like a big job to re-train a child .

My oldest son took forever to potty train. He was almost 4 before he did #2 in the potty. He has in regular undies and would hunt me down to put  diaper on him so he could run behind the furniture and take care of business. My hubby and family members made comments and got really verbal about it with me but I realized that he was afraid of an accident, of making a mistake. Pushing him was not as option at the time. He one day decided he was using the potty and that was it. One day, no accidents. (At almost 4 though!)

Maybe your daughter is of a similar state of mind, afraid to have an accident and a bit stressed at others expectations

Probably patience and understanding will be your best bet

Maybe try to get her to verbalize her feelings about it.

Just like when she first trained, she will probably do it again when she is ready. Good Luck!!!

Give her the benefit of the doubt, beware of pushing if she really can't do it.

Answer 5

Make it a game or bribe her with money or when she can use the toilet again promises her she can have a sleep over or party with her friends