10 years 1 husband and 2 kids on and still in love with my first, help?

Question

10 years ago (i was 15) i split with my first boyfriend of 2 years, now heres the bad bit he finnished with me on the phone just after i had told him that my father had died that morning, my life was in turmoil and was on a path to self distruction, 12 months after this i started to straighten up even though things were still emotionaly hard and met this man, 3 years later we married and i thought the love for this other man would go away i have now been married 6 1/2 years and the love for this other man is still there, i have 2 children with my husband and i am ashamed to say it but the love i have for him is not nor ever has been intense, my ex has a child the same age as my eldest son and his family still speak when we cross paths, we have now moved out of the county so this dosent happen any more, i dont know what to do 10 years should be plenty of time to get over someone so why oh why do i love him enough to feel sick at the mention of his name. i am betraying my husband, i have tried to contact him for closer thinking this might help but he dosent speak, i feel like this man has a grasp on my soul, what do i do?

Answer 1

You grow up.. c'mon.. u dont even know this man anymore.. sure u know his face, and fine u've exchanged pleasantries when out and about.. but ur going off of how u felt about him 10 years ago.. people change alot in 10 years , he has a family.. u have a family..  basically all it is... is an infactuation of what could of been and old feelings, the fact that u feel there was never any closure and ur letting yourself dwell in your past and still feel the way u did in the past..  

  Your not happy with yourself, with the choices YOUVE made in your life.. and u hold on to your past to be your "Excuse" to feel this way..  u cant love someone that you dont know not truely deeply to a point that your physically ill .. and hun you dont know him.. no one really knows anyone until they are with them for years, and live with them..  thats when u truely know someone and u should be old enough and expirenced enough to realize this..  your in love with part memory of who he was to u.. and part fantasy of who u "think" he is.. but the grass is not always greener on the other side.. he is what u grasp onto to keep from actually putting the blame on the real problem in the marriage.. You, ur lack of accountability for decisions and choices u've made, the lack of maturity to handle the choices u've made, and the clinging on to a past that no longer wants u ..   Ur the one holding on to your soul, ur the one grasping onto the past and holding urself up from finding away to be happy with who u are and the life u have.. eventually u need to grow up and stop chasing after a ghost .. that doesnt really exsist..

Answer 2

you have a good husband and children at home, and you are fantasizing about someone that you were with 10 years ago?  i'm not judging you, but do you realize how ridiculous that sounds?  don't get mad, because you would probably think the same thing if someone else on here wrote what you did.  i think that you need some therapy to figure out what it is in your marriage that is lacking that makes you think of this other man so much.  if it were destined to work, it would have worked the first time around.  this man is not even in the same country as you anymore, so you are really pining for an impossibility.  he probably doesn't want to talk to you because he doesn't want to get entangled any further in this situation.

Answer 3

get over it he was over you a long time ago love the one your with before you mess that up

Answer 4

You said he dumped you on the phone and in your time of greif.Hmm sounds like a man I would want two spend my time worrying over too.LOL If you still care for this man maybe you deserve to be miserable.Focus on your family and move on with your life.

Answer 5

I Don't think no one ever forgets their first love i am also married with two kids i love my husband very dearly but not one day i don't think about my first love i see him basically every other day as he is also a friend of the family but that is how things are ask any of your friends if they still think about their first love even my husband thinks about hes first love he will always hold a special place in your heart it's not something you can let go of but do not let it destroy anything in your life.

Answer 6

You are playing with a marked deck of cards. Your bluff is worthless and your honor is not even there. You are what I call a floozy and do you know what a floozy is?

Answer 7

You need to see a Counselor, you have issues with growing up. Fantasizing about what could have been instead of what "Is", will destroy your relationship with your Husband.

Answer 8

Grow up. He is an ex for a reason. He LEFT you when you needed him most and you want him back?  Focus on your marriage.

Answer 9

Counseling. That's what you do.

This man deserted you when you needed him the most.  Your dad died, and he told you to hit the road.  Nobody with a sane mind would want anything to do with a person who deserts them in a time of need like this.  You have built this loser up into something he is not. You have a fantasy in your head, and it is not reality. You need help before you destroy the lives of your husband and children.  You need seriously help. You are not thankful for the good that God has given you. You just want a fantasy.

Get help.