10yo son keeps lying..forged my signature?

Question

I have a 10 year old son who is in the 5th grade. He received a warning and a mark on his weekly grade card but did not bring it home. He told us he got a 100% and did not have to in that situation. However, I received an email from his teacher today saying that he has 3 additional marks for each day that he has not turned in the card. I also found out that he forged my signature on a benchmark TAKS test. The teacher advised me that he turned in the benchmark signed by me today, however, I did not see or sign anything. So now he has forged my signature two times.

We have always had trouble with him lying.. he will lie about the most simple things and ends up getting himself in a big mess because he just adds to them. We have tried to explain to him that if he was honest, he wouldn't have been in trouble to begin with, but he still continues to lie. We have taken away privledges, property, etc. and nothing seems to work.

We do not spank our kids, so any other advice is appreciated.

Answer 1

You should have a meeting with the teacher and him also. You need to find out exactly whats been going on. I think that he should sit in it also because he can defend anything that she says. I had a conference and sat outside while my teacher made herself look like the good one. I am 21 and still dislike teachers because of her. You want him to know you are trying to help him and not punish him. I'm positive he won't lie to you once he's put in this situation. Also if what he's doing gets worse take away things he like. For example: riding his bike, watching tv, going to birthday parties.

Answer 2

People lie for different reasons....

Often times, its to try to impress someone.  Other times it is to try to fix a problem.

In your case your son believes he can fix the problem by telling a lie.  He thinks this, because he gets away with it more often then not.

From experience, I would suggest you not punish him for the problem, only for the lie.  Get to the point that whatever bad happens, if he comes to you, and tells you about it, the problem is worked out without punishment.  Punishment only happens if he does not come to you, or lies about it.

We had this problem with my son, and following this plan he now comes to us with any problem.  If it is something we can deal with, we deal with it.  If it is something that is beyond our control, we support him as best we can.

Everyone makes mistakes, but it is far better to own up to your mistakes then try to hide them..... and it is far easier to own up to your mistakes when your parents support rather then punish you for owning up  to them.

Answer 3

10 is pretty young to have such behavioral problems.  Continue to take away things he enjoys, and don't give them back until you see improvement. Discuss with him what the improvement you expect to see is, so he has something to work toward.

Stay in constant contact with his teacher, perhaps you can exchange email addresses?

Answer 4

Maybe just have a talk with the teacher and just work it out easily. Talk too your child also, he might work it out and stop. You could also go on super nanny, somehow...haha but anyways just have meatings. I did the same in 5th grade, but we all had a meeting and then it worked out. Who knows, it might help you and your childs scholor ship.

Answer 5

Did you sit your child down and ask hm why he is lying or maybe if something else is bothering him like in school or at home? Just talk to him and if that does not work maybe he can confide in someone you know that can tell you afterwards why.I have a 10 year old and i can't imagine her lying to me i always tell my kids they can tell me anything even if it is not good i may not like it but as long as there honest. Maybe you can ask his friends or ask the teacher how he is in school and if there is problems there

Answer 6

Both parents should meet with teacher and guidance counselor.

Set up an accountability chain -

1] get an assignment book, make him write down all of them, including any and all paers - you should sign ALL of them!

2] Have teacher check and initial he has copied all assignments, and

3] then you sign initials when he completes them all and has put them in a 'turn in folder

You must find out what ' rattles his chain' -

a] will he be bothered by being grounded, losing video game privileges, no computer time, no karate lessons?

b] Also offer a reward for positive behavior - what is something he has always wanted, or wanted to do?

Good luck, and God Bless!

Answer 7

Lying is a huge problem, and will continue to be one as he gets older unless it's addressed now.

First of all, ask yourselves honestly, "Did he learn to lie from me?"   A lot of parents expect their kids to be completely truthful under all circumstances, while at the same time setting the example of lying about the children's ages so they can get reduced-price meals and movie tickets!  Did you ever get more change than you were entitled to at a cash register and not return it?  Or lie in front of your kids to your mother-in-law because you didn't REALLY want to go over there on Sunday, so you made up a fake excuse?  Kids learn from all of these things.

Next, you need to talk to your son in such a way that he doesn't get the opportunity to lie by omission.  For example, you KNOW what day he gets his grade card every week.  Instead of asking "Did you get your grade card?"  be sure to say, "Give me your grade card so I can look at it."  This gives him no opportunity to lie about it.   If you know he ate the leftover pizza you were saving for lunch, don't ASK him if he ate it....instead, say "Why did you eat the leftover pizza?"  

You might also want to set up a meeting with his teacher about the incidents that have already occurred.  Bring your son with you to this meeting.  Both you and the teacher should present a united front and say to him, "We know you've been having trouble telling the truth lately.  Being truthful is very important, and we're going to help you with this.  Your teacher is going to e-mail me every Friday when you get your grade card to let me know it's on the way.  She will also e-mail me when she sends something else home for me to sign."

If he hears this, he knows he will have no opportunity to lie to you about school events.  This may help the situation.