12-year-olds allowed to have boyfriends?

Question

My 12-year-old daughter thinks she's old enough to have a boyfriend and that I'm being unfair to not let her. Like most 12-year-old's she thinks I'm the most unreasonable and unfair mother ever and thinks she's old enough to make her own decisions. Also she pulls the old "but all my friends can do it" bullsh*t. Of course I KNOW I'm doing the right thing to put my foot down and say NO, but I'd still like to hear what everyone else thinks.

Would you let your 12-year-old son or daughter have a girlfriend or boyfriend? (And I don't mean actually go out on dates alone but they want to go out together in groups to the movies and stuff).

Keep in mind that being 12 isn't what it used to be. And I'd like advice from adults (with or without children) and not from kids.

Answer 1

I have actually given this alot of thought. I had my first boyfriend at 13 and I think that was typical at the time. Of course it was all very innocent.  

That being said, I don't think I will allow my son to date seriously until high school.  I don't think a 12 year old needs the emotional responsibility of being in a relationship.  They should focus on school and sports and fun activities.  Also kids these days jump right into s*x because that's what their peers expect - I'd rather he not be exposed to that until later.  

Answer 2

Absolutely not. Kids are getting pregnant at 13 and 14 years old because they're parents are entirely too lenient. Let her date when she's 16, she'll thank you in the long run when she doesn't turn out to be a w***e. (not saying your daughter is a w***e but kids need guidance!)

Answer 3

yes

Answer 4

12 haha get real

Answer 5

Although your daughter is 12, she should be allowed to have a boyfriend and date. If you set up supervised dates for her, she will be happy and nothing inappropriate will go on . If you don't allow her to have this boyfriend, she might sneak around and do it behind your back. The best way to handle the situation is to let her have her fun (your only young once), but make sure that she is acting mature and responsible. Hope I helped!

Answer 6

She should be thinking about school not boys tell her that she can as soon as you think she's ready.

Answer 7

h**l NO!

i'm a mother to be...

theres no way in h**l i would let my 12 year old daughter have a boyfriend!  

Answer 8

i would say NO my parents will not let me date until i'm out of high school, and i'm fine with that. look at how many pregnant teenagers are out there now. do you want the next one to be your daughter? anything can happen.

Answer 9

I wasn't allowed on dates until I was 14 and that was only because the guy I was with was the son a man my mom went to school with.

Maybe let her start going on group dates when she turns 13. Put lots of restrictions on it though. Make her call you several times to check in and so on. I guess it all depends on your daughter and what her friends are like and where you live.

Our kids won't date alone until they are old enough to get a job and pay for them on their own. Of course that won't be for another 10-13 years for them so, we have time.

Answer 10

I was not allowed to have a bf at the age of 12. I am a mother of 4 kids, they are all young and not into the opposite s*x yet (thank God, I'm not looking forward to that). I think you are right to have the rules you have and stick to them. There should be more parents like you and we wouldn't have this problem. I don't care if it's "popular" to have a bf at 12 there's just no good reason for it. Why do we have to go along with having our kids grow up too fast.  

Answer 11

I think 12 is a little young for dating.  But some group activities might be OK.  At this age, girls and boys are ready to get to know each other in safe and supervised environment.  How about inviting a group of them to play soccer, go bowling, attend a birthday party, or go to a movie when there is an adult present?  I don't know that I'd leave them unsupervised at a movie theater, though.  And although you told her she can't have a boyfriend, it wouldn't hurt to talk about relationships and s*x, or continue it if you've started already. This is the time when the lines of communication often break down.  Let her know that you will listen to her and answer any questions she may have.

Answer 12

She's right.

Basically, she's doing everything right. She's just looking to give someone a title. They're not going out alone together. They're going out in groups (you did teach her to do exactly that, for her own protection, didn't you?). Chances are good she'll pick someone you know (you did tell her about that, too, I trust) and even if she picks someone you don't know /yet/, if he's going to be her boyfriend, chances are very good she'll be having him over to the house (as it's one of the safest and most comfortable places she could be with him) so you'll probably get to know him before too long.

At that point you, knowing him and seeing what kind of guy he is with her, will be qualified to advise her on whether or not this particular guy is a good choice for a boyfriend.

Try to keep in mind that blanket, unqualified "no" with no better reason than "because I said so" will not fly any more. Like you said, being 12 isn't what it was. Nowadays 12-year-olds are very well informed, and very individualist. You cannot appeal to force and expect good results! Not only can you expect her to do anything in her power to thwart your unjustifiable "no," (including lying to you, sneaking behind your back, and so on, possibly to her own detriment) but you can expect it to damage your relationship with her as well. It is not enough to control by force. You must lead by influence, and you must let her learn! If she does not have small amounts of experience now, while you're there to have her back, she will have plenty of the wrong kinds of experience as soon as she is out in the world without you.

Answer 13

I do not have a problem with supervised dates at age 12. It is very innocent at that age. The worst that could happen is that they kiss or that they hold hands. As long as the date is in a very public place and it is supervised, there is no problem. I bet she will back off though if you tell her there will always be an adult around if she has a boyfriend. (In her mind- "well that's no fun" - or "Okay, we can still hang out and that's better than nothing.")

Answer 14

I am 15year old .

I am not allowed to date until I am 16 much less have a boyfriend.I believe my parents are completley being fair.

Answer 15

Yes I would, because I would trust that I was a good enough parent to have taught them wrong from right and have confidence that they were a good kid. Of course at 12 they would have to have limitations. Like they could only go out on group dates and they couldn't go to each others houses when the parents aren't there ect. I would also make sure that I had an open relationship with my kid and had "the talk" with them so that I knew they were being responsible, safe and age appropriate. I think you are being too hard on your daughter, you should talk and really listen to what your daughter has to say. Plus if you say no, you can't keep them apart and she'll have a boyfriend behind your back, not be fully educated on the subject, do something stupid and BOOM be pregnant by 14, so you might as well allow it while monitoring and restrict the relationship.

Answer 16

No you are not being unfair to not let her! She is still young - you are just caring about her and no I don't think she is old enough to make her own decisions as she will most likely make the wrong ones if she does. She might say that 'all my friends are doing it' is just something she says I am sure it is not true!!

No i wouldn't like my 12 year old daughter to have a boyfriend because I am think they are too young!

Answer 17

I have a 13 yr old son. NO I wont let him have a girlfriend and I wont let him go out even in groups unless a teacher or an adult ( or more than 1 teacher or adult, if the group is big ) is with them. Let him think me unreasonable or old fashioned or whatever he wants, I don't care and I know that i wont regret my decision in the long run.They are too young to have a g/f or b/f and they don't know what is harmful or what is safe even though they claim that they do. They are wise to the ways of the world in many ways especially in the different pleasures of life and they are curious and eager to experiment. And that is just where the danger lies - their curiosity and their  eagerness. So I definitely will not let my 12 yr old have a b/f or g/f.

Answer 18

Its allowed, but I would never let my children have boyfriends/girlfriends at that age. They would be waaayyy to young!! I would allow dating at least at age 14 or 15. But no way 12 or 13....its just too young... :]

Answer 19

I didn't let my sons do that until they were 14 years old, at 14 I felt they were old enough to go out in groups, but not 12 years old.

Answer 20

um, cool story hansel... not letting her have a boyfriend will make her keep it a secret, and youll end up never knowing when you have grandchildren on the way... if you accept it she will be more open to tell ya

Answer 21

I live in a very rural area . The 12 yr old around here sometimes say they are bf & gf but it means nothing more than being able to brag you have one... UNTIL the next week when your friends have dissed you or teased you enough to DROP thr bf or gf...

You know your child and the people she hangs with... it would be up to you to know if THEY were into adult type relationships or just flirting with the idea of the whole bf thing...   If your daughter curses and is rude all the time , she may be OLDER  than my 12 yr old..

for now..

Tell her that she is old enough for  group activities that will be chaperoned by YOU or another parent..

Hmm..look at this link: its from a 16 yr old.

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;...

Answer 22

As far as dating - no - my daughter is 11 1/2 - she's not even interested in boys at this point.  Even is she was interested, the answer would still be no.

16 is when she can start dating if she wants to, and if we approve of the boy.  

If she wants to have a boy over to our house to hang out, it's not a problem, as long as she agrees to close supervision.  

Going to the mall, or movies - no, since there would most likely be no supervision

I trust her, I just don't trust other peoples kids!

I think a lot of kids today get too many images from the media - too many "teen" shows on tv that have a lot of mature content - this is one reason why children are growing up way too fast.

Answer 23

Stick to your guns, Mom!

Of course she thinks you are unfair and unreasonable and that she can make her own decisions - she's 12, that is why we have to be there to protect them, from themselves!

Have you read all the "Could I be pregnant" and "I'm 13 and pregnant" questions on here?  I would like to know where their mothers are!

You are being a responsible Mother and don't stop.

Answer 24

My 12 year old daughter goes to the movies,Youth Group,Swim Get-Togethers,Movie Nights at Mutual Friends and our house with her brother (14) and some of his friends and her friends...groups of boys and girls....but no "Dating" per se do I allow yet...going in a group is acceptable to me.

Answer 25

i'm 13 years old and my dad tells me i'm not allowed to date but i still do. so i think evan if you tell her no she's gonna go behind your back and do it anyway

Answer 26

I know im not an adult, im 13 but you should let her think that the boy is her boyfriend. when she gets older she'll know the difference between a boyfriend and a boy friend. GOOD LUCK!!!

Answer 27

I think having guy friends is obviously ok. But when it gets to the point where a 12 year old is saying I love him.... its a little ridiculous. A "boyfriend" is out of the question in my opinion. I couldnt date till I was 14, and lol i'm still dating that guy now =] ( I might be a kid but im just telling my opinions)  

Answer 28

Just to warn you but im 15.

I've got a boyfriend.. we've been together since i was.. 12 nearly 13.

AND I AM NOT PREGNANT.

When i was 12/13, we used to go swimming and to the movies with a group of people and that was fine. My mum knew about it.. and she was fine with it too.

Now im 15, and as i said, i am not pregnant, we do not have s*x.

But now we go out for pizza's and to the movies on our own.

When your twelve having a boyfriend isn't really having a boyfriend..

Its just saying you have one.

Ands My mum trusts me.

If i had a twelve year old, i'd let her have a "boyfriend" cos it's just totally innocent.

(SORRY FOR GIVING YOU MY OPINION I KNOW IT WASNT IN THE CRITERIA.. BUT I FELT THAT I WANTED MY SAY.)

Answer 29

WOW, 12 years old and she thinks she needs a boyfriend.=NO!

If I had a 12 year old, I would not let him/her have a bf. I think it is completely ridiculous.