14 year old daughter is having s*x - what to do?

Question

One of my older friends has just sent me a bit of a desperate email about her daughter and is wanting my advice. Her daughter is 14 and at Christmas, she came home blind drunk - and the same thing happened a few weeks ago. This time, apparently the police found her with her trousers down, and she was sick when she got home and couldn't remember anything. My friend then admitted to me that she has looked through her daughter's texts and diary and discovered that she has been having s*x with various boys since she turned 14 - in the back of a shop, in a field, etc.

My friend got pregnant with her daughter when she was just 17 and doesn't want the same thing to happen to her daughter.

Apparently, she hasn't told her husband or family what she knows - they only know about her getting drunk.

She is asking me for advice and to be honest, i really do not know what to say. I am only 23 and don't have children. The only experience I know how stressed she must be, because my sister was exactly the same, if not worse, when she was 14 and it was a nightmare.

If anyone can help me advise my friend, I would really appreciate it.

xx Emmie

Answer 1

Tell your friend to be strict.  No goings out, no drinking, nothing of the sort.

Answer 2

Just Ask Her About It, Let her Know You're There For Her... If You Are Strict She Will Rebel. Make Sure She Takes All The Neccessary Precautions And Things (birth control, condoms ect) And Just Ride It Out

Hope This Helps :)

Oh And If She Finds Out Her Texts And Diaries Were Read She Will Get Mad And Lash Out As Though She Is Being A Caring Parent This Is An Invaision On Privacy

Clo & Millie  :D:D:D

Answer 3

tell her to talk to her daughter about it, but she's not going to stop her from having s*x. so tell her to put her daughter on birth control, and talk about everything with her.

Answer 4

like the above have said. its impossible for her to stop her daughter from having s*x with all these boys. shes nt going to stop cause her mother dosent approve of it. tell your friend that and to put her on birth control cause shes way to young to raise a baby. warn her of all the dangers of it, pregnancy, std, and other diseases!

goodluck!! :]

Answer 5

Real sad Story, my answer it depend on where do you live law and all the other criteria..there are no real miracle here..your day been ruined as everybody day ruined law and no law..love was the real deal from start to finish..in absense of loving family, loving parent many more will find similer situation..I hope u could manage with the help of family freinds or some other ways??

Answer 6

Take her in the streets and let her meet some women who had babies and couldn't afford to feed or clothe them. That should straighten her up but if it doesn't then she probably doesn't have any morals.

Answer 7

This young girl is on a downward spiral. She needs to know that she could be infected with HIV, or other STD, She needs to find out what is troubling her daughter, what is making her drink and have s*x at such a young age, she seems to be looking for something that is missing in her life, is her biological father in the picture at all. She is full of hurt and is rebelling to try and cushion the hurt. I advise her to seek psychological counseling first and go from there. I hope she can turn her life around for the better. good luck to your friend.

Answer 8

Tell her to get her daughter on the pill asap.

Hiding her away from the world won't do her any good, it will just make her rebel more.

Tell your friend to explain to her daughter what it was like being pregnant at 17 and why she doesn't want it for her daughter.

There is obviously some underlying problem her daughter is experiencing for her to feel she needs to act this way...she needs to find out what it is.

Answer 9

Your friend needs to be gross and honest with her about the reality of her actions.  

1.  STDs, show the 14 year old pictures of what it looks like (webmd.com might show what some of the different STD's look like in the flesh)

2.  Cervical Cancer - won't be able to have children

and on and on.  

She needs to scare the h**l out of that girl.  I really think that would have been effective for me when I was a teen.  I wish my parents would have done that for me.  

Answer 10

Sounds like a right s**t, phone the police and report her for underage s*x.

Otherwise shes just setting an example for all the other teenage girls to go and shag in alleyways.

Answer 11

Your friend needs to step up and be a parent.

A 14 year old child, is still a child, and therefore should not have the ability to drink or have s*x.  The parent should know where their child is at all times.  The children should be under adult supervision, and trusted adult supervision at that....

Children need to be children.  They need to experiment and try new things.  But parents need to be parents and control the environment the children are growing up in.  

SO advise your friend to stop treating her child like and adult.  Treat her as a child, be her parent, and she may live to see sweet 16.  (If you drink to the point that you black out, you are one step away from death)

Answer 12

Tell your friend to get a tighter rein on her daughter by making sure she doesn't drink and isn't out late.

Get the daughter tested for std's and put her on the pill.

That girl needs a good talking to, preferably by a counsellor (maybe with mum) and needs proper parenting and guidance at that age.

The mum has to tell the father, perhaps he can instill some much needed order in the household.

Answer 13

be extremely strict on her now.  tough love right?  she will thank her mother when she gets older

Answer 14

honestly she sounds like she is very bad but see the only thing she can do now is to take her to get checked and get her on birth control i mean at this age and day kids are going to be kids and do what they "want" so have her get checked and as far as the drinking goes you can either have your friend report her to the police and she can get in trouble for underage drinking or tell your friend she needs better discipline don't let her go out let her go to school and back she has to be more strict i know it will hurt because of course kids are hard headed and are going to say the typical things like "i hate you" or " your ruining my life" but your friend doesn't need to be her friend she needs to be her mom and tell her to keep her head up and don't give up on her

Answer 15

advise your friend that grounding her will just make her rebel and do it more. as for drinking and s*x the best thing one go down to the police station and talk to a detective and have him talk to her and show her videos of teenage girls drunk because all car accidents are video taped. as far as s*x contact local health clinic to educate her on what she is doing  

Answer 16

I feel truly sorry for what your friend is going through.  They say we reap what we sow and whatever we put our parents through comes back on us later on when we have children, but now is not the time to focus on that.  Your friend needs to reach her daughter's heart.  Find out the real reasons she's behaving the way she is.  Is it because she wants to fit in with her friends? Peer pressure? Because of the promiscuity in the world among teens today? Is it because she feels something is missing in her life? She needs to get her daughter to open up to her.  And her daughter needs to know she can come to her mom just to talk without a lecture.  From time to time, parents need to review their methods of instruction and discipline, especially as their children grow older and begin showing signs of maturity. Perhaps certain rules or restrictions could be relaxed or adjusted, in keeping with the young one’s ability to act responsibly.

Tell her to spend quality time with her daughter.  Let her know she's there for her not just physically but emotionally also.  She shouldn't try to be her daughter's friend, but just someone she can talk to and rely on; a parent.  

Answer 17

Well you ground her and tell her to stay away from boys but I doubt if that will help. She has discovered s*x and likes it. The strict talk thing is cool but it might be a better idea to take her to a home for unwed Mothers and talk wit a few of the girls. She should also be taught about STD's and aids. Now all this will probably not stop her from having s*x, so I would suggest that she takes her to a Dr. and gets a BC program started. If these things don't happen there will be a pregnant 14 year old girl if she already isn't.

Answer 18

First off, PLEASE urge your friend to take her daughter to the doctor and have her tested for STD's. If she is having sexual intercourse with a lot of boys, there is a chance she may have contracted an STD.

Second, please advise your friend to monitor her daughter more often and give her limits. Even though her daughter is 14, she is acting irresponsible for her age. Since you have mentioned that this is not the first time she has come home drunk, she needs to be closely monitored when she leaves the house (her daughter will be driving soon, and she can become dangerous if she starts drunk driving). Tell your friend to give her daughter a curfew, rather than grounding her, and if she breaks her curfew she will not be allowed out of the house.

Third, her daughter should should not be drinking at all at such a young age, as she can be killed if she drinks a lot of alcohol. If your friend had had her daughter's alcohol level tested, she needs to have it compared to the legal limit.

Answer 19

i would probably stop her going out at all! and probably make her life miserable for her by taking her phone. she is making a name for herself..............  

Answer 20

get her on birth control!

Answer 21

you can't stop her from having s*x, it is bound to happen, and it already has. did you stop having s*x once you started? nope and it just wont happen, so talk safe practices with her.

Answer 22

I disagree that talking will help. I'm 20 and remember lying through my teeth as a child to my parents, telling them exactly what they wanted to hear so I would be free to go off and do my own thing. Teenagers crave independence so she'll either lie or there'll be a big showdown.

I definitly think tough love is the best option. She'll thank it for her later.  

Answer 23

If she's having s*x she's having s*x, you wont stop her at all. The only thing you can do is give advice on safe s*x and everything like that, you wont stop her form having s*x, unless she plans to be locked up 24/7.

Answer 24

they should talk about it.

its not going to help if she yells at her but tell her the consequences of her actions, and how to be safe. you cant stop a girl from having s*x, and grounding or punishing her will just make her want to rebel more.

Answer 25

hi im 14 and id jst say dnt be 2 strict on her becoz if shes like me then shell be more determend 2 do it  jst sit her down nd talk 2 her about it  

Answer 26

Be Really Strict with her she will thank you in the long run, let her know that you know what she is doing.

Good Lucks ♥

Answer 27

Maybe sending her to boot camp where she can get out of the environment (Bad influences, friends etc) that she's in. She'll not like it or even hate her mother but it'll keep her out of trouble.  

Answer 28

that is one tough position to be in......

but One things for sure,,, is that she's not gonna be able to stop her from having s*x,,,,,

so she must talk to her daughter about what's safe and whats not

about s*x get her on birth control or something

and another things for sure by grounding her daughter thats gonna make her rebel even more so try to let her daughter know she's there for her

cause at that age is when we need to know that were not alone..

good luck  

Answer 29

There was this awesome motivational speaker about teens and abstinence. She was a young African American that I saw on the M&J show...I tried to google her myself, curious as to who she was, but couldn't find info on her. She was awesome, though! I would have probably listened to what she had to say when I was young. Good luck

Answer 30

The best thing to do is to sit her down and talk to her! punishing her strongly wont work, she's just going to carry on and may act out to "get back at you" for punishing her.

If she is set on having s*x with all these random boys, get her the contraceptive implant, at least she wont get pregnant, although you can't protect her against STD's.

Answer 31

h**l yeah you can stop the girl from having s*x.  I'm a bit liberal when it comes to s*x but 14 is just a bit too young, keep her supervised from now on.  She messed up and she'll have to pay for it