15 Year old self-confidence problems? (read on) What do I do?

Question

Hi, I'm 15 and ever since I can remember have suffered from a lack of self-confidence. Because of this, I've been held back in quite a few ways.

I can't perform role-plays, performances or speeches without feeling sick, shakey and losing my breath and am extremely nervous talking on the phone to people I don't know very well or guys.

However, in other circumstances for example when around my loved ones or close friends I can be very confident and out-going. Thats the way I want it to be, always!

I really don't want this to burden me any longer because my dream is to do A level modern foreign languages and get a degree! I have a big passion for languages but of course, this involves a lot of speaking and oral examinations!

I've been told to get involved with extra curricular activities like drama or dance, but once again by lack of confidence intercepts me from doing so ... I'm too nervous!

Please, your advice very much needed and welcomed!

Thank you in advance.

Answer 1

take small steps to improve your confidence, like going out alone...speacking to someone new..then get bigger goals e.t.c

Answer 2

Will sound a bit mad this but get in to martal arts, its not about the fighting but in karate they teach you how your voice is your imput in to the world (or kai) I was quite like you at your age now i'm 22 and there's no stopping me.

Answer 3

We are all human and have flaws. Even if your physical appearance, unique personality, or social skills aren't what you wish they were, that doesn't have to stop you from being confident. You are beautiful inside and out so you should love yourself unconditionally. Here's how to believe in yourself.

Steps

   1. Make a list of special talents you have, or of things you do that are good—morally or otherwise. Focusing on your attributes helps distract you from those parts of yourself that you think are flawed. It doesn't have to be a specific skill or activity either; it can be an approach or an attitude that you champion through life. Do you always stay calm, cool and collected, even in harried situations? Are you very patient with people? Do you always see the humorous side of things? Are you always there for your friends?

   2. Find your passion. Whether it's baton twirling, martial arts, classic cars, or basket weaving, you will feel confident pursuing that endeavor by recognizing what you enjoy doing the most. More importantly, you'll be enjoying your progress.

   3. Choose a role model, whether someone close to you, or someone famous. Think of the qualities that the role model displays, whether physical, emotional, moral, and/or spiritual. Work towards acquiring those.

   4. Accept compliments gracefully. Don't roll your eyes and say, "Yeah, right," or shrug it off. Take it to heart and respond positively ("Thank you" and a smile works well).

   5. Know that you have important things to say and do. When you feel strongly about something, speak loudly and clearly and make eye contact with people. Be yourself.

   6. Take care of yourself. Eat a healthy diet and get enough exercise. Don't abuse your body, don't overload it, and don't deny it any of the things it needs. At the same time, don't obsess. Buying all the moisturizers, creams and conditioners will not bring you closer to who you want to be. Those things are only band-aids and make up. Confidence comes from within. Take the time to reflect on your life and do some emotional maintenance. In order to be confident, you must value yourself and understand that your well-being is important.

   7. Stick up for yourself. If people put you down (and not in a good-natured, joking way), then let them know that their opinion of you is not held by everyone--most of all yourself. This may, at first, be hard to do. But once you stick up for yourself a few times, your confidence builds and you get more adept at it.

   8. Celebrate your individuality. If you know you've got something special or different, then embrace it—don't hide it! That's diversity! You may wish that you were taller, or shorter, skinnier, stronger, whatever the case may be. But you need to realize that, if you were like everyone else, then you wouldn't be who you are. "What am I?" you ask; the answer's easy: You're a unique individual who is capable and growing and learning.

   9. Take action. It is surprising how powerful the simple step of taking an action can be. And the action you take need not be something extravagant or grand. It could be something as simple as tackling a task that you have been procrastinating, such as writing a letter or tidying up that corner of the garage that has been out of control for the last several months. It could also be something as interesting as taking a class in yoga, art, interior design, anything that interests you that you haven't done yet. Whether large or small, action brings with it exhilaration, enthusiasm, and the confidence that other things can be done as well.

  10. Find a song you love! Such as Drive My Car By The Beatles and walk to the beat. Sing it in your head if you're unsure.

Tips

    * Don't compare yourself with other people. It is a wasteful pursuit and you could be doing something better with your time and energy. Know what you, personally, want and expect from yourself, and focus on attaining those things. The things that you want and expect from yourself don't have anything to do with how you measure up to others.

    * Consider attending leadership classes. Learn to take control of things. If you are in school, then consider running for a social position, such as a president of a club. The ability to lead others and respond to others' behavior under your leadership will help to bring you self confidence.

    * Listen to your inner monologue—your inner voice. In situations where you believe you lack confidence, realize that your inner voice is telling you negative things. You need to retrain that inner voice to be positive in those situations. If you need help, find someone who can help you do that.

    * Speak positively at all times. When you hear yourself saying something negative about yourself, instantly replace it with a positive comment.

    * Your subconscious will believe anything it is told, it cannot tell a lie from the truth, so when you say you are not confident, it believes you.

    * You have to reprogram your subconscious by repeatedly telling it how confident you are, it will believe you in time.

    * Know where you are going and follow through.

    * Don't feel shy to when talking to a stranger. Smile while you talk, that will make you feel confident.

    * No matter how you look, feel good about yourself from within and it is this attitude that will make you confident.

Warnings

    * Don't put yourself down. Everyone is different and has a valuable contribution to make to a diverse society. You are important for the person you are.

    * Don't stop yourself from doing what you want to do as long as it doesn't harm you or others.

    * Remember that there is a fine line between confidence and arrogance. Be careful not to portray a pompous or cocky attitude.

    * Never excuse your virtues. For example, don't say, "Sorry for being here on time" when your friend is not ready.

    * A lot of the time, peer pressure is to blame for lack of confidence. Some peer pressure is good, but never give in if you feel it's wrong. Trust yourself.

    * Sometimes a person will compliment you just to get something. Depending on the situation/person, the "something" can be anything from money to a night out. Don't be a cynic, but don't be gullible. (Trust in your instincts. They are usually right!)

    * Don't expect these steps to work overnight. Confidence must gradually be developed by a pattern of positive thinking and action; it can't be faked.

Answer 4

What I would recommend is to simply feel good about yourself. Don't think negative when your looking at yourself in the mirror, think positive and bring out those positives. Most people are able to talk with ease to just about anyone is because they feel good about themselves. Oh and also you have to be able to laugh at yourself when you just made a poopy of yourself in front of people. And have a support and encouragement team such as friends who will push you up to that stage when you are feeling down. Also don't worry about you having to talk to guys very well, that comes natural when every guy wants to have a conversation with you at school.

Answer 5

take small steps and your confidence will grow. Maybe go with a close friend to your drama class or dance as a boost and go up there together. You probably think that people are always looking at you, to be honest there not! Anything that happens will be forgotten, always remember that.

Answer 6

l know exactly what you mean as l had/still have the same problem and l also have a love for foreign languages and dread the speaking exams. l was also scared to pick up the phone and never spoke up when l should have. l often felt that the people l was hanging around with were constantly judging me if l tried and as soon as l went away on a trip with a close friend l felt l could start new, be loud and confident as everyone l met only knew me from that impression . Now l don't know if you have the same problem and l am not trying to say that everyone is judgemental, but l did feel that l was restricted to what everyone else thought. Joining a Drama club definitely helps with self confidence and yes it is very scary going there on your own for the first time, so find someone who will go with you. The first time l went l think it was with my mum or sister : )

Clubs also help you meet new people and you probably wont be shoved straight into the leading spot with all the lines but it will increase yourself confidence gradually.

l hoped that helped and sorry if l waffled on a lot :)

good luck hope it gets better

Answer 7

Try to find an armature dramatic group.

You need friendship and encouragement.

discerning folk who will see and encourage your potential, your own unique skills.

Remember, empty drums make the most noise.

Answer 8

I think the advice you have already been given is good.  Perhaps if someone close to you could accompany you to dance or drama, you would be able to overcome your problem.

I know this is not of much help.

I really wanted to reply to so what a delight it was to read such a well constructed question, good grammar and no spelling mistakes - in sharp contrast to so much of the rubbish one sees on Answers.

Good luck for the future.

Answer 9

Awww, I am sorry about that.

I am 15 as well, but the loudest person.

Maybe you should start just going to public places and start takling to anyone, or just tell them about yourself.

Or start a converstaion. And if they just ignore you, thats their problem.

Maybe that will work. I do not know.

Just so you can start being in front of people that you do not know.

Answer 10

When you are nervous, your bod releases adrenalin, designed to make your body and mind as sharp, alert and responsive as they can possibly be. Try and use this to your advantage, some of the best performers do.