16-mo., can't say what he wants, "tantrums". So how the heck do I know?

Question

At breakfast, he started fine: yogurt w/ baby cereal, apple sticks, Cheerios on the side. He starts whining. "Milk? Want milk?" No answer, more whining, squirming. I serve milk, baby doesn't take it. "Down? Want down?" He shakes his head, "no". He's been saying "no" to everything, and sometimes means "yes" --- so I put him down, and the whining becomes frustrated crying. He indicates that he wants back up (I think), so I put him back in the chair. Same -- tantrum-like crying. Back down.

He calms down for a minute, playing with a truck. Then he wants up on the adult chair. I put him there. Maybe he's ready for food. I offer milk. No. He's getting upset again. I put him down. I sit a the computer to Ask Yahoo. He wants up on my lap. OK. He touches the computer, so I bring him to his own "computer". Tantrums, then cools off.

He finds the Oreo package. I think he shouldn't have Oreos without eating a proper breakfast. He tantrums full-force and that's where we are now.

I barely finished my own meager cereal breakfast (busted up by the tantrum). He still tantrumming.

What the h**l? I'm trying my best to be patient. But now I don't want to reward the tantrum with the Oreo. And there's no reasoning with a 16-mo. (breakfast before cookies).

1. How do I understand his wants?

2. How do I respond without rewarding tantrums?

3. How do I enjoy this? How do I stop myself from saying "I hate this?

help

Answer 1

this can be frustrating. My son did this up until he was over 2 years old (he has a speech delay). I always thought that people who taught their kids sign language were insane, but it really helped my son and I. he used to have full blown tantrums over wanting to turn the lights off.

I would suggest finding a good series of sign language DVDs. I used "signing time". You and your son are both frustrated by the lack of communication. this too will pass.

Answer 2

My daughter is also 16 months.  We have similar battles at mealtimes.  When she sees me get out Goldfish crackers to pack for daycare she won't eat her breakfast and throws tantrums till I give her a few.  I give her a few crackers, then put them out of sight.  She'll eat them and finish her breakfast.  I've learned not to keep anything on the table or where she can see it when she's eating.  That way what is in front of her looks pretty good.

They say not to reward the tantrums, but it is hard sometimes!  I make my daughter sit in her high chair until she has eaten something.  I won't let her down even if she wants down.  All babies this age want to do want mommy is doing and sit in the big chair and play with your computer.  I make sure my daughter has plenty to play with or turn on cartoons for a few minutes while I get online.  

For the most part I think I have figured out what my daughter wants.  It doesn't always mean she'll get it though!  It took me awhile and I can't really advise on how to do so.  I just try to think on her level.

I have read that you should ignore the tantrums.  Try to say to them in a calm voice "I know you want the cookies, but you have to eat your breakfast first."  Then walk away.

Just remember that this stage won't last forever.  I'm so proud of my daugher for doing so many big girl things now that I try not to dwell on the tantrums.  We spend lots of time outdoors and going to the pool and doing fun things.  When she's busy she is not throwing tantrums.  Good luck :)

Answer 3

I don't have children, but in my experience with children, often times you have to just let them cry until they realize that you aren't going to give them what they want (the oreo).

Try giving him healthier snacks that he may like (fruit, jello, applesauce crackers, cereal, etc.) that he is able to chew properly. And you are right- you should never reward bad behavior. Sometimes you just have to endure a little tantrum until he backs down.

I also have found that if you keep them occupied and busy, they often forget about throwing tantrums- perhaps a playpen with toys, books, etc.

Granted, he's a little kid. Many kids do this.  

Answer 4

let him tantrum, turn your back and let him do his thing. he wants your attention, and he is getting it. i think if you turned your back while he tantrumed, after a day or two he would get the picture. that's the impression you're giving me through your post.. good luck.

Answer 5

Oh, that sounds so much like my life right now!  My daughter is 16 months also and at exactly the same phase!  Luckily, she has good verbal skills (not perfect, but pretty good for her age), so that helps a bit.  

Glad to know that saying no when they mean yes is normal, she does that all the time!

Just know that virtually every toddler goes through this phase at one time or another, some sooner and some later.  It is perfectly normal, but no less frustrating!  My daughter had a MEGA tantrum last night, the worst I've seen yet.  She was SCREAMING bloody murder, laying on the floor and throwing things.  It's so hard to be patient, but you really have to, sounds like you are doing a good job!  The most important thing, is to not give in.  I know it's hard, it's very tempting to just say "oh fine, here!" but don't!  consistency is critical.

1.  How do I understand what he wants?  I don't think you can.  You can try teaching some sign language, find a book at the library, there are very simple signs for words like more, eat, etc.

2.  How do I respond without rewarding tantrums?  Well, what I do (not saying this is the best way) is take her to a carpeted area where she can't hurt herself, and let her go.  I sit near her, but try not to pay too much attention.  I give her words for her feelings (you're sad, angry, etc.).  When she is slightly more calm, I try to distract her with food, going outside, etc.  

3.  How do I enjoy this?  How di I stop myself from saying "I hate this?"  Just keep telling yourself that it is perfeclty normal, they all do it, and this too shall end.  Just another phase!  Try to focus on the cute and funny things he does!

Hang in there!  

Answer 6

i was babysitting my neighbor the other day about same age and she is a little spit-fire

she is smart and sassy so she was being like that but at lunch...attitude and all at 16 months...wow

it was horrible and her grandma told me to put her on the naughty spot to nip it in the butt before it gets worse

we just put a towel by the front entrance to the house and that is the naughty spot.....

only on there for every minute of their age so i put her on there for 1 minute, it sounds bad for a 16 month old but it worked...........she started screaming and crying but after ten seconds it stopped and she relaxed

good luck and remember be patient and ive been there