17 yr old daughter lying about where she is to be with 19 yr old boyfriend?

Question

My 17 yr old daughter recently told me she has been sexually active with her 19 yr old boyfriend. I talked with her and her boyfriend about safe s*x and about the benefits of waiting until marriage for a sexual relationship. Yesterday she told me she was going to be doing homework at her girlfriend house but she really was with her boyfriend while his parents were gone. My daughter has a car, cell phone, etc, that we pay for. Other than this problem she is a good kid who has always done very in school, and (usually) has a great relationship with us. I really don't know what to do about this. I am worried that if we ground her, it really won't do any good, and she will just become an angry teenager, and make matters worse.

Answer 1

Sounds like its time to take those things away. She violated your trust. If she can't at least be honest with you, she shouldn't be entitled to tjhe benefits of your trust. I'd keep them for at least 2 weeks so she understands how important you feel it is to be truthful. I'd not be thrilled that she was over there having s*x, but I'd be furious that she lied to me.

Don't bring up the boyfriend or the s*x. The big issue here is trust and telling the truth.

Answer 2

I was just like your daughter and the more my dad told me i couldnt see my boyfriend the more ways i found to sneak around to do it... whether it be skipping class to be with him, or saying i was at a friends house... At this point id just accept that she is going to do what she wants to do but keep telling her the benefits of safe s*x and let her know you still want to be there for her when she needs you and you still want to have a good relationship where she can be open with you about her life.

goodluck!

Answer 3

I'm only 14 but even I know that teens are growing up a bit too early here in the 21st century. Whatever you do don't ground her-this may only make her rebel. It's a tough thing for a parent to face but hey, she's already in the game and she wont stop now. Talk to her about birth control and get her some codoms. There's not much you can do now-except it's better safe than sorry.

Answer 4

Well the thing is that she is 17.  In a short short time she will be 18 and able to make all her own decisions.  I would not make a big deal out of this.  It will just drive you guys apart.  I would again reiterate the concept of safe s*x to her.

Answer 5

Well, I can tell you from experience that there's no way to prevent her from having s*x. All you can do is talk to her and let God take it from there. Everyone has to live their own lives, make their own mistakes, and learn from them. Just encourage her to practice safe s*x for the sake of preventing sexually transmitted diseases and an unwanted pregnancy. Make sure she finishes school, and there's nothing more you can do. Just don't push her away or isolate her. She'll be 18 soon and you don't want her to run wild. It doesn't sound like she's too bad at this point and that's a good thing. You just have to trust that you raised her right. There comes a point where a girl starts to become sexually active. The point may have come way before you wanted it to, but your daughter was gracious enough to trust in you and tell you the truth about her sexual relationship. Try to keep that line of trust open and tell her that she is a good kid and even though you don't like it, you appreciate her honesty and you hope that she'll continue to be honest with you. Tell her that her lying about where she's going isn't going to fly and that you need to be able to trust her if she wants to keep the freedom of her car, phone, and goig to her friend's house. If she continues to lie then you will take away her car and phone and if she wants to act like an independent adult, then she can get out there and work for her freedom like real adults. Tell her that you enjoy providing for her, but it's not necessary for her to have these things. All you're asking for is honesty and that's NOT too much to ask in exchange for all of the things she's getting in return. Don't allow her to lie to you. Confront her, but don't get to the point where she shuts down. There's no stopping her from doing what she wants, sexually, but lying is preventable and shouldn't be tolerated.

Answer 6

They are s******g around for sure. They ar 17 and 19, what do you expect. She is almost a legal adult. Its not stag. rape.. you just need to get out of her business and just set a curfew for her.

Answer 7

I was the same way with my older boyfriend when I was 16 and 17. After my parents forbid me to see him, they took away my car, my cell phone, my TV, my phone in my room, my stereo, everything that was entertainment because they caught me at his house during school hours. I continuously skipped school to see him because they wouldn't let me hang out with him. I ended up blowing my GPA and chances of getting a scholorship because my grades slipped. And you know what? I married that older boyfriend in 2004 and we have a 2 year old daughter now. Their strictness did nothing. I still made my own decision. Not the best one, since I am now struggling to get some college courses done in between my home daycare business and my daughter. My suggestion: Let your daughter see him, but still talk to her about safe s*x, and maybe start her on birth control, such as the Depo or IUD, that way she doesn't have to worry about taking a pill everyday, and risking pregnancy through misuse of the pill. I feel for you, this is difficult, good luck with this!

Answer 8

Sorry, but when I was 17 I was having set with my 20 year old boyfriend (we eventually married, then divorced) but she is going to do it regardless, face it mom she is almost an adult.  You have done your part and had the safe s*x talk, don't crowd her because if she does need you in the future regarding something s*x related she will be afraid to come to you.  I know it is hard, but sit back and relax.  Have a conversation with her about being honest, if she is going to do "grown up" things then she needs to be grown up and honest about it.

Answer 9

you have to trust that you raised your daughter right. talk to her like an adult and see what she has to say. remember what it was like to be her age.

Answer 10

I agree that grounding her will only make it worse. I was the same as her at 17. I am married to my high school sweet heart if that makes you feel any better... We now are happily married own a house and have two boys. The one thing you could do, is offer to get her on some form of birth control. The last thing she needs is to get pregnant and not be able to finish high school. I hope it all works out. I know you are in a tough spot, and that it's hard to accept. Good luck.

Answer 11

ask her to put herself in ur shoes as a parent and see if she would like her child doing the things she is. Make her understand that she may regret her actions later when she's older and as a loving mother you are trying to prevent that. Personally if she doesn't agree I might just let her feel the fire, I know I am and I'm just 18. Wish I had listened to my mother more, fortunately I didn't go way off.