18 month old with temper tantrums. Help.?

Question

so here are all the possibilities: teething (she always has her hands in her mouth); ear infection (she was just diagnosed with a mild one but has been on antibiotics for 10 days). it still seems to bother her because she still points to her ears; new sister who's getting attention but we're very careful to give them both love and attention. typically she will scream as loud as possible, try and scratch me, hit me, and pinch enough to break skin. i don't want to punish her if she is in pain. someone suggested a milk allergy which sounds like a stretch but i've seen those programs on TV about food and how it effects children. thoughts appreciated.

Answer 1

I am a teacher with this age group. Time outs don't work because they do not understand what is wrong. The best thing to do is take her away from everyone, then get down to her level and tell her what she was doing wrong and what she should be doing. That is what works best in my room because the children want to please you.

Answer 2

It sounds like she is trying to communicate with you--and I dont know if she is talking yet--but usually kids who cant get what they want across very well, will get frustrated and have a tantrum. Definitely get the ears checked out, if she can take some Motrin (for pain, and it wont knock her out), that should help either rule it out, or get you to the docotr faster.  

I dont think she's hitting to be mean or disrespectful, but try to see the world from her eyes first, she's only been in the world for 18 months.

Good Luck!

Answer 3

When you are spending time with her, talk to her, if you have any friends or family that have children close to her age, see if you can set up a play date.  I would try with just one child, if that works, go to 2.  Watch her she maybe just teething.  If she is only screaming when the baby is trying to sleep, it may be just plain jealousy.  After her ear infection goes away and you can be sure she is not teething and she is still doing, try a little experiment, when she starts yelling, make sure if she falls down she won't hurt herself, go around the corner where she can't see you.  This will let you know if she is doing it for attention or if she is hurting.  If she is just doing it for attention as soon as she realizes you are not in the room she will probably stop, if she is in pain she won't care if you are there or not.  You can have her tested for allergies of all kinds.  Talk to her doctor.  Good Luck.

Answer 4

give her a spanking it helps most of the time but dont give it all the time or she'll resent you or maybe some sort of punishment not illegal lol

Answer 5

Firstly, be reassured that temper tantrums are really common with this age group. The kind of things that normally sets the tantrums off are not getting what they want (eg, you say "no" to them), not getting (your) attention when they want it, and not being able to express themselves to you. The child expresses their frustration through the tantrum. A real full-on tantrum is one where the child actually loses control, but in other situations the tantrum is fairly controlled - I call this latter kind a "paddy".

OK, now, of course I don't know what sort of thing normally sets off your daughter on her tantrums or whether they are a true tantrum or a "paddy". But the key piece of advice I can give you is, whatever she wanted before the tantrum, don't give in to it afterwards. Eg, if she asks for a biscuit/cookie and you say "no" because it's nearly dinnertime, and she has a tantrum, don't give her the biscuit. Otherwise, she will learn that having tantrums is a way to get what she wants. Instead, try to be in tune to what she wants/needs. Eg, you know dinner will be another 20 minutes away and it's been a while since her last snack, so offer her something you're comfortable with (a slice of fruit maybe), before she asks for the biscuit.

Also, contrary to some other answers here, I don't believe you should "punish" a child around this age for having a tantrum. I would only move/remove my boy for his own safety, but otherwise try to ignore him.

However, you need to make it clear to her that hurting you in any way is not acceptable. Try to have a conversation with your child about this when she is calm. Then make sure there are "consequences" for this sort of behaviour at other times (as well). Eg, we do a kind of "time out", which we call "thinking time", where our boy has to sit and look at the wall and "think"; I sit behind him there, explaining why it's not nice to hit Mummy, that it hurts etc, just for a minute or two, then he has to say "sorry" (in an age-appropriate way), and give Mummy a kiss and a cuddle.

One thing that really worked with our boy's paddies (he never had uncontrollable ones) was when I said to him mid-paddy, "Mummy's having a really hard day today - can I have a paddy too?" Then he stopped, nodded, and looked on while I lay on the floor and pretended to have a paddy. He even smiled a little - so we took turns having paddies, then stopped and had tickles and a good laugh about it!!

Answer 6

all those things could be checked out -you never know - but honestly, 18 month olds are  learning to assert their independence and they do have temper tantrums!  They aren't pretty but they do happen and it's pretty hard to avoid a childhood without them.  Not that you have to put up with the behavior, just remove her from yourself and set her in a chair until she can calm herself down "I'd always says 'until you are happy'" - it works.  Good luck.

Answer 7

give her a punishment if she hits you. and if she is crying about something ask her what is wrong and if she just keeps pointing keep asking her questions so she can give you enough information to find out what's wrong. if you can't figure it out then take her to the doctor and they will figure it out.

Answer 8

you should put her in time out so then she can think about what she done wrong and ignore her if she cry and ignore her if she doesn't apologize to you. you can't be to nice with her or she'll think she the boss of you.

Answer 9

If he's pointing to her ears, here's what I would do.

Soak a cloth in hot water.  Ring it out.

When it is cool enough to be safe, lay it on your shoulder.

Pick up your child and set the ear that hurts against the cloth.

The warm water is very comforting and will help your child feel better.

If that helps, go back to the doctor because (s)he possibily still has at least a slight ear infection.

Matt

Answer 10

I was a toddler teacher for 4 years and I dealt with this kind of thing quite frequently. 3 kids in my class at one time had brand new siblings, so ya know THAT was fun! lol I'm a believer in spanking, however my discipline methods were limited working in a daycare. so in order to keep my cool with a screaming child and 11 other toddlers needing and wanting attention, I would simply ignore the tantrumy one. Let's be honest, if she's been on meds for 10 days, the chance of her still feeling ill is pretty low. It's VERY common for kids her age to suffer from "New baby syndrome" no matter how much attention you give her.

the best thing you can do when you're about to lose your cool is make sure she's in a safe area where she's not going to hurt herself and just walk away, or direct her to another room or another part of the room until she's done. We had a hallway in our classroom and whenever one of the kids was throwing a massive tantrum that I couldn't talk them down from, I would say "You need to go scream in the hallway until you're done." If they came out, I'd take their hand and walk them back without saying anything. It takes a while for them to get it, but i'm telling you eventually all you have to do is look at her when she starts throwing a tantrum and she'll go where she needs to go. That happened to a few kids in my class, and when they were done, they'd come out and announce "I'm better!" Then after she's calm you can give her hugs and try to understand what set her off. But there's absolutely no use battling with a toddler, so don't even try lol That doesn't mean cater to it!! I'm just saying if you really can't control her, just separate yourself from her so both of you can h ave some cool down time.