18 months and still no "I love you"?

Question

I've been with my boyfriend for a bit over eighteen months now, and he still has not said those three little words to me. I'm 22, he's 25 - he works full time in IT and I study at university. I'm his second relationship, his first lasted only 6 weeks. I am the first woman he brought home to his parents, his first sexual experience, etc. He's very caring and affectionate, from offering to pick me up late at night from uni functions, to holding and kissing me all the time and falling asleep with his arm wrapped around me. He tells me he likes me, but any time I mention anything commitment related, he gets very uncomfortable. We've been talking about moving in together in a year or so, but even talk of that seems to make him uncomfortable. I told him I don't expect a proposal, that we (me especially) are far too young for it, etc. His parents divorced 8 years ago, his father lives in another state with his new wife and his mother has her partner to visit once a month or so. During his childhood he rarely stayed in one city or school for more than a year, and spent his high school years in a boarding school. Why do you think he hasn't told me he loves me? Is it me, or him? I'm scared to tell him I love him for fear of rejection. Help!

Answer 1

I told my husband (then boyfriend) that I loved him months before he told me. I knew he did...his actions screamed how he felt about me. He just wasn't comfortable with saying it. But, now we say it all the time. Of course, we have been together for 11 years and married for 10 of those years.  I think if you sit down with him and say this (or something like this), "There is something I want to say to you. I would appreciate you saying it in return, but if you aren't comfortable with it, I understand. I will still feel the same way, whether you say it or not. I love you."  Sounds a bit corny, but it will put him at ease, and may help him to be more comfortable with saying it.  GL! =)

Answer 2

I've been married 29 yrs and I still don't say it. She knows!

Answer 3

Maybe he doesn't know how.

Answer 4

Given his past maybe he thinks nothing last forever & isn't willing to put his heart out there to be hurt. Some people are too affraid to take that kind of risk...for whatever reason.

It really could be a number of reasons why he won't say those words. Worst case scenario: He isn't in love but does enjoy your companionship & company. (You mentioned what he does for you to show you how he feels about you.)

Best case scenario: He is in love but isn't going to let you know right now. He needs more time to make sure things are going to work out.

Best you can do is talk to him. I think communication is key here.

Answer 5

my husband told me that during our first week together.  i guess he doesn't love you.

Answer 6

Just say it first. My girl did, I was just to shy and nervous. Now we have been married for years.

Answer 7

I guess either he doesn't love you or doesn't feel comfortable saying it (either because it's not true, or because he thinks it might make things awkward, or because he has reservations due to his past experiences). I guess all you can do is wait. It's not that important. people say it all the time without meaning it and what is important is that you feel he's affectionate etc which you do. If you've got the actions then don't stress about the words yet. If you can't help yourself, then say it to him. Maybe you'll be pleased with his response.

Harriet

Answer 8

Either he's afraid of admitting a commitment, or he simply doesn't love you.

Answer 9

He could just have some issues with intimacy. but from the sounds of it he really cares about you and loves you in his own way. he does all these things for you and even talks about moving in with you. taking you to see his parents is a big plus. he wouldn't do that if he wasn't serious at least. just give him time and space. perhaps he doesn't feel like he needs to say that to you if he feels that he shows you with his actions. remember actions speak LOUDER than words.