18 weeks pregnant and just split up with my boyfriend?

Question

I split up with my boyfriend yesterday for a personal reason, it isnt bad like hes been cheating or whatever because he isnt like that. Ive been with him nearly a year.

We're both happy that we are expecting but he doesnt seem intrested in anything. Everything i say about the baby he just kind of changes the subject. when we had split up before he was always trying to get me back and wouldnt stop mivouring me and telling me how much he loves me, he wouldnt give up on me. this is the first time weve split up while ive been pregnant and hes acting totaly different than he used 2 when we did.. My couison has text me today asking what he was doing with a lad walking up her street (She was just bein nosey as usual) if he really felt upset or anything that i had split up with him then why would he be out with a mate ? Ive textd him today and hes just said ive been acting wierd since i found out i was pregnant and keeps saying what am i hiding from him? '' is it even my baby!! '' he says. I really do love him and want to make this work but things have changed so much between us i really dont know what to do.. Im just dossing around my house alone crying and thinking how am i going to cope on my own without him.. im heartbroken.....

Why is he being so odd with me? And not trying to get me back like he used too. I dont think he loves me anymore, breaking my heart at the moment i dont know what to do!

Answer 1

get over it

Answer 2

Obviously, he's not ready for a baby and that's why he's acting this way. I'm sorry sweetie.

You really need to make him feel responsible for this baby just as much as you are... it's his child too; and you "acting weird" according to him is not an excuse for him to walk out on his child.

And for you - if you don't actually want to break up with him and love him so much, then don't break up with him over a disagreement. You can't just break up with him and expect him to come back every time for you. Find a better way to solve your problems.

Answer 3

Hi,

It not that he is angry with you. He is just struggling to come to terms with the new situation you are in.

He now knows he has a big responsibility and it probably really scaring him a lot.

When a woman becomes pregnant,things do change a little. I was same when I was pregnant with Caden. I became too engrossed with my little baby inside me and my partner at the time, could not handle it as I was no longer his 'drinking buddy'!

I think best thing to do is to sit down with him and talk about all this. Ask him why he is so scared and find out if he is still willing to be a dad to the baby even if he doesn't want a relationship with you.

When I was pregnant my ex was quiet and that but then became so excited after a chat. It seemed to clear the air, or so I thought.

Then I gave birth to our son Caden James and 2 days later my ex left me to be with my friend!

He not seen his son since - I have left door open for him to visit but nothing, I wrote letters with pics to have them returned to me. I have travelled miles for ex's parents to see Caden when he was newborn only to be spat at and door slammed in face and with a newborn baby in the cold and rain!

I now put all pics in a box with videotapes for if ex comes back in life.

It is hard being a single mother but when you see them smiling back at you it really is all worth it and with support from parents, family and friends, you will do absolutely fine!

Lx

Answer 4

Some people are quite harsh on here. When i first fell pregnant i was only 16 and me and my boyfriend had only been together 6 months. We split up also and he was a bit the same. After 6 weeks we got back together and are still together now happy as ever expecting our 3rd. It just took us both some time to get use to the idea. If he doesn't want you back then there is nothing you can do about it. I know it will be so hard especially now that you are pregnant but you will get through it. You don't need a man to look after your baby you can do it. If he doesn't want any involvement then thats his loss. Keep your chin up and just think of yourself and your baby at the moment. Leave him to come to you xx

Answer 5

I think ur dissapointed and u only done it for a reaction...but besides this dont listen to "the bricklayer" lol (sorry) but don't panic... bad for the baby! What he doesn't realise that you've got him in a postion he "thinks" he can walk away from......Make plans asif you were going to be alone.... when he texts saying "is it even mine"... text him back saying.....With any luck the baby fairy woulda knocked me up one night! Just play it cool... Don't let it get to you... Just say look whether were together or not were having this baby! Any boy can put a baby in a crib.... takes a man to look after one!! Iknow it sounds immature what I'm saying but it works! trust me! He aint going anywhere he just needs some time... let him be for a while... he'll come round

Answer 6

You need to sit down and talk it through with him and decide between you what's going to happen and what's best for your baby.

Answer 7

Your boyfriend needs to grow up and stop being selfish because this isn't the time to be one. Don't stress out hun ..it's not good for the baby ....just give the guy some time but he does need to understand what  you're going through ( pregnancy wise ) It's a very difficult and very emotional ride for a women at this time ...but you need to keep in mind that whatever you're going through is what you're baby is going through so don't stress out and think of the baby instead of dwelling on him ... Take care hun and good luck :)  

Answer 8

A lot of guys get very stressed out when an unexpected baby is on the way. He's not quite sure how to handle things right and probably has a lot on his mind. How is he gonna have $$ to pay/raise a child? Should I get a good job? What will my goals for the future be? Will I go to college so I can support this child? How is his relationship w/ you going to change? Will he feel obligated to marry you? What if I'm not ready for marriage? Then the accusations from him towards you are his way of putting up a wall so he doesn't have to become too emotionally attached to you. He's afraid you'll notice just how vulnerable he is he'll feel like less of a man or less macho b/c it shows weakness. Not to mention the fear itself will also show weakness.

Be patient w/ him and give him space. Encourage him in whatever he decides to do. Don't force the issue w/ him that he already knows is occuring. I know you guys have a baby coming and you have to face that reality, but you guys really just need to focus on getting to really know each other. Your hormones are raging and will cause you to feel extremely emotional and that's ok. Let it out, but you also have to understand that he needs to go thru his emotions as well and allow him to do that in his own way. The most important thing for you to do is relax. Enjoy life and the pregnancy. Revolve your life around you for now, don't revolve it around him. He'll thank you for it later! Good luck!

Answer 9

women who r prgenant feel the pregnancy and men dont. they see us change and dont understand because their parenthood starts at birth and ours starts when we find out we r pregnant. so we see things differently. alot of men want to run when they see the changes in us. emotionaly and physical  they also worry about being a father..... now he is acting weird about you maybe because it is hard to bw around you. maybe your more needy then u used to be. (i know i was when i was pg)  maybe you need him more and he just cant take it. we often expect out other half to experience the pragnancy with us when in reality they will not. doesnt mean they wount make a great father once the baby is born .... it just means they dont feel like being all into the pregnancy part of it. if u want him back you need to alk to him. invite him over and just tell him it is his baby and you now understand how ne needs his free time and space. both of you can agree to understand the others feelings. tell him you would like to have him experience this with u but if he cant then you will have to agree to give him his free space while you two still remain a couple. you do understand that a woman doesnt have to be with her man every sec of the day and men do need free time alone to dwell in their thoughts. ???

DONT NAG HIM SO MUCH( not saying you do.......just offering advise) the stress is bad for baby work it out ok

Answer 10

This definitely sounds like HIS issue. It sounds like the prospect of being a dad is too daunting for him to cope with at the moment.

I honestly don't feel he thinks you've cheated on him - I think he knows he's your babies dad, but he's using it as an excuse to back off from his responsibilities.

I've seen this reaction a few times over the years with male friends; being a dad freaks them out, so they invent a situation where the baby might not be theirs anyway. Unfortunately, they don't realise the hurt and stress they cause when they make that sort of allegation.

If I were you, I'd create a bit of space between you and your ex while you start looking after yourself and your baby; you've got a lot of exciting things to get ready for!

You do need your ex's emotional and practical support though, and it is his legal responsibility to do so financially (if he's earning). If he continues to claim he doesn't believe he's the dad, then a paternity test will clear that one up! But hopefully it won't come to that, hopefully he'll be able to get his head round this new change in his life and support you through your pregnancy and motherhood.

Congratulations by the way on your pregnancy! Never loose your excitement for your new baby because of all the stress with your ex. Your split happened yesterday, so you and your ex haven't had enough time to talk things through yet. Give him a few days and see what evolves from there.

Good luck and take care.  

Answer 11

another day in the office in the human drama department ... we all get old you know

Answer 12

I'm not surprised our having problems, you've only been together for 1 year and your already pregnant.

I suggest you both grow up and get along for the baby's sake! this is  HUMAN life your BOTH going to ruin if you carry on with this silly immature behaviour.

your going to be parents for god sake there is NO time to think of yourselves you don't count anymore, if you can't except that then your not ready for parenthood.

I can't imagine how you can be in this situation after just 1 YEAR!!! i mean i can remember what i had for breakfast this time last year!

Get some better communication going, look after this unborn baby and stop whatever is making this relationship difficult.

Answer 13

I'm sorry that you are in that situation, but it sounds like you break up with him to get his attention back on track.  To be quite honest, that's not a great way to go about it.  That's putting him on a VERY big emotional roller coaster and he may just be sick of you breaking up with him.  If he did something that you do not like, you need to try to talk to him rather than just break up.  That's not right.  If he didn't do anything seriously wrong, he's probably wondering why you would break up with him unless there's something that YOU did that is causing the problem.  If it were me, I'd sit down with him and let him know what the problem is.  Text messaging solves nothing...been there before, haha.  You need to TALK in person about what is going on and not play mind games with him by breaking up every time you get upset over something.  He's liable to just walk away and not come back if he hasn't done that already.  Congrats on the baby and best wishes with everything!  I hope it all works out well for you!

Answer 14

Sometimes knowing you're going to be a father and have certain responsibilities and sacrifice for another person is difficult for a guy, especially if this pregnancy was unplanned. He's thinking about a lot of the free time and luxuries he's going to have to give up when the baby arrives, like getting drunk with his friends, having crazy s*x with his girlfriend or sleeping in late. With children comes big responsibility and he may be feeling like he's not ready for it. Give him a few days to be on his own, then talk to him and ask him whats going on in his head. Some guys just aren't ready to be fathers no matter what and that may be the case, but discussing his issues with the coming baby might help put his mind at ease. And if he doesn't want to talk about the baby, explain to him he is not being replaced and he will still enjoy his life but that you are bringing new life into the world together and this child is going to depend on his daddy to be a source of wisdom and fun. Maybe once he realizes the joys that can come from parenting, he'll feel better. Good luck!

Answer 15

This is a perfect example of why young adults need to not have s*x cause they cannot handle the importance of the situation. I think that you both need to grow up and start acting like adults sorry to be so harsh but it is the truth you guys felt like you could be adults by having s*x so suck it up and work things out. Time to grow up good luck.  

Answer 16

WELL... let me just say that My husband did the same thing with my first child & I was crushed! But I think the old saying that "A woman becomes a mother when she finds out she's pregnant & a man becomes a father the first time he sees his child" is SOOOOO true. We stayed together, of course I mean for better or worse, we are married, but the whole 9 months to ME it felt like he was very distant. But as soon as I went into labor he was there the whole time & when our son was born, it was the best day of his life. Mr. I-Have-No-Tear-Ducts actually cried & laughed & cried again! he was so happy. SO I think that you just need to explain to him exactly how you feel & assure him that you have been with & love ONLY him. & make him feel part of you & the pregnancy & I think in due time he'll come around.

I'm so sorry that you are feeling this way...

I know what it feels like so if you want to talk just email me ok

wish you the best!

~Dee

Answer 17

Panic

Answer 18

You two are both being immature, get over the stupid stuff and raise you kid it is not all about you two anymore!!  

Answer 19

I think it just might be shock, Try sitting down and talking to him! This isnt just you and your boyfriend, theres an innocent child involved now too!

Answer 20

Stop panicking as that will just raise your blood pressure and thats not good for you or the little one.  Remember although bringing a child up is hard on your own, it can be done, and eventually you will meet someone who will treat you the way you deserve to get treated.

Answer 21

two words...jeremy kyle

Answer 22

One, when you are in love you just don't break up, you have to act like two mature adults, and talk out your problems, not just leave when times get bad, so honestly it's your fault.  Why break up with somebody with the intentions of getting back with him?  It doesn't work that way in the real world.  Two, you are having a baby, and I know it's hard being on your own.  Obviously, it didn't take him long to move on...and do you want to be with somebody like that anyways?  And a guy that is going to ask you if it is even his, if he were my son I would knowck his a$$ out for disrespecting his girlfriend, who is 18 weeks along with my grandchild.  He sounds like he is really immature, and very disrespectful towards you anyways...why is he going to see another girl when he already has another girl pregnant.  You can either move on....or keep going through the BS that he is obviously going to keep putting you through.  Good Luck!

Answer 23

Having the pressure of a baby not out of wedlock can be very stressful. Just give him time.  

Answer 24

Did you break up with him to get him to respond to you?

Do you know how he feels about you having his baby? I know you are upset that he asked if it was his baby. To look at the glass half full, I think you two do not fully understand the emotions that e/o goes through when preg. If you want him in your life (I think you do), try getting the book, "What to expect when expecting". I am pretty sure they have it in the UK. There is a section for him to explain your feelings during this time and his feelings. I don't think he's cheating if he is walking down the street, I just think he is confused and overwhelmed. Men worry about being a good provider too. Honestly it is hard to make rational decisions when you are preg. Good luck and I think with a little knowledge about your situation you guys will be fine.  

Answer 25

In my opinion, he's freaking out a bit.  Maybe he liked having you as a girlfriend, but the idea of having a family is more than he can mentally process right now - especially if the baby was unplanned.  He'll either come around and want to commit, or he won't.  Be prepared to be a single mother.  Don't beg him to be in your life, it will only push him away further.  He has to WANT to be with you and the baby.  Don't make threats about not letting him see the baby, let him be as much as a father as he can be, even if he isn't your partner anymore.  

Answer 26

He's probably scared about being a father. And if he's never been around a pregnant woman then he won't know that some can be completely different while pregnant, I know I am. Things change when babies are involved.

Answer 27

Well, To me it sounds like you two are a young couple. He is probably scared of being a dad right now. I mean It's not like I really know the situation, but I know how guys can be. If he was excited about having a kid in the beginning, maybe its hitting him now like "Wow I'm gonna be a dad." Its sort of a reality check and it probably is scaring him a little. If he's out with his friends he probably just needs to be out and relax or he's getting his friends advice on the situation.

The whole part about "Is it even my baby!!" leads me to believe that maybe you had cheated on him in the past. If you did cheat on him in the past communication is everything. You need to see what is really bothering him. If you are pregnant with his baby, you should be close enough to ask him yourself why he is acting that way with you. If he is a little scared of being a dad, remind him that your both in this together and its not just him becoming a parent, but both of you.

Answer 28

He is most likely afraid of having a child. You never really realise how bad it is until it happens, and by then its too late, so you start to panic. and thats what he's doing, panicing. That, and he might also be confused and worried that you are cheating on him (I know youre not, but hes under pressure so hes making up excuses unconciously). So what I suggest you do is simply CALL HIM, make sure he cant get away and arrange a private place for you to meet. If he shows up, tell him to SHUT UP and listen to you side of the story. then when your done, listen to his side (but make sure to tell him to shut up because you DO NOT want this to turn into an argument) WITHOUT COMMENT. take it in turns to explain, and im sure everything will fall into place. as for him going out with a mate, he probably needs someone to talk all this over with! hes probably confused himself, and hes decide he needs a little break from it all to get his thoughts straight. oh and good luck!!

Answer 29

Poor you, I am afraid no-one can really explain the reasons behind his weird behaviour except him. Try and get him to talk to you face to face without texting. You need to find out if your relationship is worth fighting for and you wont do this by text messages. Hope it works out for you. Good luck.x

Answer 30

He's scared, becoming a parent is a big deal.  He's probably talking to his friend to work out his issues.

Tell him you feel scared too.

Just reassure him, and tell him he's going to be a great father.