18 y.o. dating my 16 y.o. stepdaughter?

Question

My stepdaughter just turned 16 and has developed an interest in a recently graduated 18 y.o. boy. This boy has admirable goals for his life, but his MySpace profile includes elements (quotes, comments) that put me off of the idea of him having anything to do with my s.d.

My biggest concern is that she has expressed interest in him from a purely physical standpoint. They're just doing the modern teen "hanging out" from time to time, but I worry that the message the boy is getting is that physical interaction is to be hoped for in the future. Meanwhile, my s.d. refuses to hear my concerns so I must communicate them through her mother, which works more or less.

My question is this: How concerned should I be? Do I let it ride and wait for my s.d. to determine for herself if he's right or not? I'm well aware of statutory rape laws, and don't want him touching her at all. How to proceed? Help, please!

Answer 1

what straight 18 year old guy doesn't try to make moves on a girl just sit and think about that.

Answer 2

if you forbid this relationship she will rebel against you and sneak behind your back to go and see him

act accepting to this guy even if you hate him

talk to him face to face instead of judging him by some comments on a silly website

Answer 3

Dude there's nothing wrong!

Answer 4

He should strictly be OFF LIMITS!

Answer 5

He's 18, of course he is going to be interested in girls, why a 16 year old, i'm not sure....

But, if it's ment to be, its ment to be.  And you as her step father of course dont want any guy touching her wether he is  her age or  not.  She is a big girl, and can take care of herself, and if things aren't going the right way for them, she will do what needs to be done.

Try not to worry, but sometimes you just gotta let your kids have a little space and make choices for themselves.  Part of growing up is making mistakes and learning from them, and as a parent, you can't sheild your baby from the world forever, sometimes you just need to let go.

hope this helps =]

Answer 6

honestly i wouldn't worry any more than i would if her BF was 16, we aren't talking a huge age gap here, only 2 years... and if it's a physical relationship you fear let's face it that could happen just as easily with another 16 year old guy, so i don't see the age difference really being a factor there

Answer 7

Wow, tough question.  First of all I am 21 years old, so I remember very well what it was like to be 16.  You seem like a very concerned parent, as were mine.  However, I could not really get away with much because I lived in such a small town where if I were to do anything, "Mommy's birdies" would tell!  haha First of all I remember most guys that were 17 or 18 or over (17 is the legal age to have s*x) when told that I was only 16 backed off right away.  So I hope her boyfriend realizes what kind of trouble he can get himself into.  2nd Your S.D. will be 17 soon b.f. really doesn't have that much time to wait.  So, you need to trust and still work on her being able to make responsilbe decisions.  This is very important because even if you get her to break up with this 18 year old, she could get a 16 year old b.f.  Then what?  16 year old boys have an interest in s*x too, and that wouldn't be statutory rape.  Next, there was actually an article in my local paper this past saturday about teen rapes, which would apply to your situation.  Please understand that it is natural for him to be attracted to your daughter.  It's not like he is a 30 year old creeper!!!  However, if you wanted to charge him with statutory rape if they ever did anything, it could cause a lot of problems for him.  EX. If charged, he may not be allowed on college campuses, may not be allowed to have a computer connected to the internet or work on a computer connected to the internet.  It could cause social problems for him....and the list goes on.  Make sure he understands this, but please just remember if it is not this guy it will just be another one.  Welcome to the life of having a teenage daughter.  Unfortunaltely, you can not protect her all the time....just make her smart!!!  Another thing that I wanted to say is, maybe she doesn't know how to act around her new b.f. and that is why it is just physical.  Try to help her understand what a real relationship is about.  I remember my first b.f. was purely physical because I didn't know what else to do.  I hope this helps!!!!

Answer 8

Just throw a stone at your step daughters boyfriend, this should warn him off for good.

Answer 9

i think the age gap is fine. You should not forbid her from seeing him. She is old enough to know from right and wrong. If you don't trust the guy that is a whole different thing. You should talk to her and make her understand how you feel about her dating guys that are not in school anymore. How guys are and what their expectations are about there girlfriend. That she is too young to be messing around with him. She should not be that kind of girl and stuff. If you haven't already. I think I had that mentality when I was a teenager. When I was 14 this 17 year old told me that I looked 17, I just busted out laughing cause everyone said I looked 12 and told him he was lying I wasn't naive I knew guys liked younger girls.

Answer 10

ok this is from a girls standpoint

i'm in the same boat as ur s.d.

my dad freaked out at the guy and forbade him from seeing or even talking to me at all

i did not appreciate that at all

i still email him frequently, and our relationship is now purely platonic (not b/c of what my dad did, but because i just realized he wasnt rite for me)

trust your stepdaughter. its HER choice about who she likes to be with, and as long as she doesnt do anything illegal or what SHE considers immoral, then she (and your relationship w. her) should be alrite. also: people's myspaces are not a good way to judge who they really are. oftentimes a lot of stuff on myspace is just ppl joking around and shouldnt be taken 2 seriously. just trust her judgement, but maybe set some rules, like not hanging out alone at his house or something.

hope this helps. i wish my dad would chill out more lol.

Answer 11

ok they are teenagers give them a break.

Answer 12

In my opinion, she shouldn't be seriously dating at 16. She should be focusing on her school work and possibly working part time or volunteering part time.

It is a small step when you're 16 to go from hanging out to hooking up.

As the step dad you are in a precarious position. My recommendation would be to tell your wife how you feel and let her deal with it. She's the mother.

Answer 13

I am 16 (age of consent where I live) and my boyfriend just turned 19 years old and we've been together for 2 years.

It all depends on if you know you can trust your daughter and the guy to be responsible and make the correct decisions.

Answer 14

I can understand your concern but hes only 2 years older than her and would you still have the same concerns if he was an 18 year old still in high school? If so, then its more then age because you will have the same problems with a 16 year old in high school.

I don't think you should worry too much. He graduated from high school and you say he has good goals in life. He may have somethings on myspace you do not like but we must remember he is still a teen and there will be things that teens will do that does not come off as good as too adults. That's only because maturity of thinking is different.

I also think that you should let her biological parents worry about. Even though you are her step parent and you maybe very close with her I think there are some boundaries when it comes to being in a step child's life. I think you should speak your thoughts about they guy to her biological parents and let them make the final answer.

Answer 15

You are going to have to press charges on him. This is illegal. You should be very concerned and call the police right away! And trust me...they are not doing the modern teen 'hanging out' thing. That is what they want you to believe. A little forensics on your stepdaughter will prove that she and him are indeed in a physical relationship. We were all teen agers once....we know better that 'hanging out' means an entirely different thing than what we wanted our parents to believe.

Answer 16

Chaperone her dates with any boy until she's an adult moved out of the house.

She doesn't get to choose if her dates are chaperoned.  She's still a minor child living under your roof.  You are the one putting food in her stomach, a roof over her head, a vehicle when needed, etc.  Tell her if she wants to date boys, hang out, etc, it has to be at your house, in your living room or kitchen only, and you or the wife are there to supervise.  If she wants to go out with him, GREAT!  That means they get to ride in the back seat of your car and you double date!

Edit: I must have stepped on some toes.  Oh well, truth hurts.

Answer 17

What are her dad and mom's opinions on her dating?

Fair or not, it's really their place first to condone or ban dating. I'm on your side--she doesn't need to be. An 18 yr old boy (pretty much puberty till 30) doesn't love a woman for her beautiful soul....ever.

It's natural for a 16 yr old girl to be horny. Someone should have explained to her a long time ago what can happen, and what boys really think of girls like that, so that she'd make the choice to wait on her own.

If not, it's too late to instill that common sense now. You and dad need to agree and what will happen if she gets pregnant, and tell her so (unless of course, like so many, you'd cater to it and make it easy on her---one way or the other).

Answer 18

Well you should be concerned but not that concerned.

Answer 19

Okay, first of all, if your stepdaughter really won't listen to what youre saying, try a different approach:

"(Name), may I speak with you for a second?"

**Her reply**

"I know you've been seeing that (Name) guy and I just want you to know how I feel about him."

"Ughh, not again"

"I know, but this time, please hear me out. I feel that you may be pressured into doing something sexuall with this boy. And I want you to know that I trust you not to do anything stupid, just stop and think before you do anything. There are so many STDs out there and teenage prenancies, I just want you to stay happy and healthy. And if something does happen, I want you to know your mom and I will always be there for you, okay?"

"Yea..."

"And (name)?"

"What?"

"I love you."

There, that should help.

Its sorta the guilt thing.

But in diguise!

Hope I helped.

Answer 20

You're the adult in this situation so you can sit down and say who she will and will not see. I'm assuming you are the man (from your name) in this, so maybe sitting down with SD's mom and talking to her you could both come to a conclusion on what to do about this newfound fling.

Either way you and mom have hte last say in what your teenager does.