18 year old doesn't want to go to college or do anything?

Question

I have an 18 year old son, highly intelligent and figured out there is no meaning to life. Prefers to stay home, has no problem socializing but chooses not to.

He told us he would "try" college. He registered in June, bought new clothes, etc. The day came for him to go to orientation (today)...he said no.

Said that when he starts thinking about it, sees no point anyway.

His whole life he started things (little league, jobs, etc) yet doesn't complete them.

Refuses to see therapists...what do they know is his response.

This summer he didn't do anything...woke up at 2 PM went to sleep at 2 AM and stayed home mostly everyday. We have been pushed to the breaking point when he told us he doesn't want to go to school (or do anything else for that matter). He doesn't drink or do drugs, know that for a fact. He has a stomach ailment and is one about 10 different medications.

Need advice and what we as parents can do and what to do about him. Thanks.

Answer 1

Please don't take offense to this, but you need to stop enabling him. You are allowing him to live at home...you're doing his laundry...cooking his meals...cleaning up after him, regardless if it's doing dishes or cleaning up his room...emptying the garbage...supplying a roof over his head...paying for all the utilities he enjoys like electricity, phone & internet, cable or satellite tv, doing grocery shopping and making his meals...and you charge him nothing!!! What better life is there? Now you know WHY he says there's no meaning to life...you do it all FOR him...he has no need to do it for HIMSELF.

I'm sorry to hear he has a stomach ailment. Is it Crohn's Disease? My husband has that and lives an almost normal life...and he holds down a 40 hour a week job. Please stop making excuses for him. Make him responsible for himself. Who's going to do it for him when you die?

Answer 2

Have you ever read The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath? What you said about him reminds me of that book. If he really feels that he doesn't want to go to school, tell him that he needs to start paying rent. Then at least he'll be working and maybe he'll find his own meaning for life. And check out The Bell Jar. It's a very good book.

Answer 3

As mean as it sounds, push him out of the house and let him see how hard it is to make it on his own, especially without an education. I don't see anything wrong with a "child" living with their parents as long as they are in school, actually looking for a job, and/or have a job.

Once he sees how hard it is, he'll probably change his mind on his outlook of life, and even if it is meaningless, he still has to make money to survive. Not saying that this will make him decide to go to college, but it will hopefully at least get him out into the world and doing something progressive.

Answer 4

I'd kick him out, he's an adult. I'm his age and I go to school and work my butt off! There is no excuse for laziness!  

Answer 5

Kick him out. Then he'll realize that he has to do something. If he wants to sleep all day, first he'll have to work.

Answer 6

There is a meaning to life.

If you think theres no meaning then why is he even here or still alive?

to spend the rest of his 'meaningless' life sleeping,and eating while everyone else spends their time doing what they want to do before they die.because you never know when you might die,so tell him he should spend his time getting a JOB that he loves and appreciates.Its not a job if you like it right?

Then he can do something,earn a name in this world. Other wise he would have just wasted a precious life that God gave him doing absolutely nothing.While everything else on this planet puts it to good use.

Answer 7

I think he sounds like pretty much 30% of adolescent boys.

Try having someone outside the immediate family chat with him, an uncle/long-time friend of the family. Preferably a older male figure that he looks up to. This might help motivate him or at least give you a little insight into what hes feeling.

'Kicking' him out could have the adverse effect that everyone is talking about, leave this to very very last.

My cousin was exactly like this, up until last year (hes now 23 years old) but all of a sudden he got up, got a job and now he earns more money then his parents and has a great outlook on life.

Whatever it is, most likely your son will work through it on his own time. To help push things along though, don't 'give' him money, he needs to earn his own for spending etc.

Good luck! And remember he's your son and your doing a good job, this is something you cant fix, he will need to work it out himself.  

Answer 8

wow sounds like me, that my friend is depression, it makes you tired for no reason, bored, miserable, and you feel like there is no reason to live, other than working all your life he needs to take depression medicin, plain and simple.

Answer 9

i would give him a choice, either go to college or get out

Answer 10

26 August 2008

Hello. I do not pretend to know what is the way to help your son. But, I would suggest you start with yourselves as parents. You two seem to be the ones driven to distraction, not him. And that is where I would start, if I was you. Obviously you feed him. It's not worth it. Keep a box of corn flakes in the cupboard that he can help himself to. He is not up for regular breakfast or lunch, so it is only dinner he might be around for. The two of you go out and leave him with his corn flakes. Sound cruel. No, just a bit of reverse psychology. Don't stack the fridge up with goodies he can snack on, either. After all, it hardly seems worth it, to use the phrase as put by him.

That stomach ailment is a problem, though. Actually, take his medications and the two of you go speak with his doctor. Ten seems too excessive for me. Now, I'm on tablets for high blood pressure, thyroid, stomach reflux, sleeping, night cramps, blood thinning, cholesterol and something else, and I  do not take ten tablets per day.

When I think about it, going to visit his doctor would be the first thing I would do, or if not that, your own doctor. After all, it is an unhealthy symptom which you need to cure.

But always, do things with love and consideration. But that's why you asked in the first place.

Answer 11

He might have depression.