19 and confused...please help!

Question

I'm a 19 yr old girl and I go to uni. My parent's have a business so I help them out when I can...other than this, I don't work. You see, they don't want me to work because "Why not help out the family business instead of working for someone else?". However, I DO want to work (not at the business though)..I just feel "bad" if I don't help them out.

Also, they are very strict- I still have a curfew- to get home before 12 and they don't let me go out much ..which sucks...

I really don't know what to do. I've tried talking to them about the fact that I am mature now, I've got 6months til I'm 20 so they should understand that I have my own morals and values, and most importantly, I want to be independent. They just don't get it. I think they care...TOO much (but is there such thing as caring too much?!)

So that's about it for now....

Could you please give me some sort of opinion...I really am stuck and I don't know what to do..

should I go my own ways and hurt their feelings? or should i just be the "good girl" and stick to their rules?

*SIGH*

Answer 1

you sound like a sensible person. if there is one thing that your parents' did right, it was raising you the way you are. parents always belong to their kids but kids never belong to their parents. it's a cycle. some parents find it difficult to realize that their baby is already an adult. try to make them understand this. and you also have to understand that while you live under their roof, you have to abide by their rules. you can make your own rules once you move out. any parent would like their children to be involved in the family business. but it's your life to handle, not theirs. it's a parents' responsibility to guide their children towards the right path. but not to make the trip for them. you are not alone. we all went through that.  

Answer 2

coming from someone whos parent also care to much ur 19 u can treaten to move out if they dont stop babing u then need to learn that ur not there little girl any more and u need to tell them that u need space to breath the whole curfew thing is deffinatly got to change it none of there buisness what time u get home unless u wake them up  

Answer 3

we have the same situation.. but i think mine's worse than yours.. worse in a way of my parents being strict or so.. but i love my parents so much and i'm very thankful to them for a lot of reasons..

well.. open up yourself to them and tell them you need to have more experience from others so that you can contribute or help them out.. life's experiences comes once in a while and tell them that it'll be better for you to have more.. but i think you must reassure them first by earning their trust before they can fully give you the go signal..  

Answer 4

You are much older now your parents need to stop treating you as a child. Sorry if im offending you parents out there but this lady is no longer a girl, understand the reference to "lady". You are almost 20 by now most ladies are out with their friends at night time, living by themselves or searching for their future careers and some may already be in them. It's time you told your parents who has the rights and that your much older now and for them to let go because your not a little baby girl anymore!!

Answer 5

You should continue to be a " good girl". and stick to their rules. Must learn to tolerate okay?? Calm down, girl. Easy.. easy.. girl. It's wrong to hurt their feelings.

Answer 6

Well, you're over 18 so you're safe on that score but do keep in mind that you ARE still living in your parents house. You need to sit them down and talk to them. Tell them you're willing to call or otherwise let them know if you're going to be staying out exceptionally late (that's just common courtesy for any house-mates!) but you really feel a curfew for a 19 year old is just not fair. You're going to have to confess to not really being sure about working in the family business though. Tell them you just want to explore your options and make sure what you want to do with your life. And if they can't accept these things than you're going to need to find a job anyway and move out. It's still their house after all! They DO need to learn to let go more but you have to balance that with respect for them.  

Answer 7

well, you could try talking to them and explaining to them that you would rather go out into the big, wide world to find a job for yourself, because after all, when you leave uni, you are gonna have to find a job without the help of your parents. you could explain to them that you wanna find a job for yourself and get practice for interviews and stuff, because if you just get given a job at your parents' business, then it's not the same and you won't be experienced in finding jobs, going to interviews, etc. or you could always explain to your parents that you wanna find a job that's related to your course at uni, and that working for their business isn't really what you wanna do cos you'd rather get some experience related to your course (unless you are actually studying business studies at uni lol). i don't think you should work for them if it's not what you wanna do. just tell them everything you've said on here, so that you wanna be independent, etc. i know parents can find it hard to let their children go but they surely wanna see you do what you wanna do, even though they might not be happy about it. don't work for them just cos you don't wanna hurt their feelings and be the 'good girl'. that's gonna make them feel like they've forced you into working for them and then they could feel bad i guess.

Answer 8

WOW I am a guy and if i had parents like that i would have been a good kid and i wouldnt even hesitate for a second, i have worked for others since i was 11 full time and some times 60 hours a week and on top of that i was going to school, so what tey are doing for you and you are actually wondering if you should stay good.

But then again i guess we all want what we dont have, but i can tell you that working for your parents is the best job in the world since they will get mad at you but you dont have to worry if you are going to get fired or not, and thats a great thing, and as for a curfew thats a good thing i never had one since i was coming home at 1 a.m. when i was 11 since i had to pay rent and put food on the table but i always wished i had one of those too so i would say you are lucky and you should know this, so i would suggest stay a good girl and enjoy working for your parents while you can  

Answer 9

girl your an adult now, surely your college have dorms, and you loan will help you pay this, its time you move out and start geting the experience of living on your own...this is 2008, your parents will survive, and on your own it will be easier for you to gain control of your life as you wont have them over your shoulder all the time

you should be an adult and tell them as much as you love them and apriciate them raising you rigth, your a woman now and they just have to trust that they raised you to a fine young woman able to care for yourself. They will come around, even if we all got tossed out at 19 to learn to manage for ourself, my mom also didnt feel we where adult enough to fix everything. I think we all just delt by not telling her more then she needed to know, she slowly came around as she realised we survived, and today i have a better relation with her then ever, because we're two mutual adults who are friends.

Answer 10

Your parents sound like loving caring parents to me. The one question I have for you: Are they paying for your education? If the answer is yes I think that you owe it to them to help at the family business from time to time. However, You also need some freedom to enjoy life also. Try to look into a work-study program for some extra cash(sometimes in the library or tutoring between your classes). This way you can still help them once in a while and also have your own money. Don't be too hard on them. They love you and want the best for you.  

Answer 11

Tell them you need other types of work experience to further your career. Also, ask them how they felt when they were 19.5 years old, and how they would feel if they had a forced curfew.

Good Luck :)

Answer 12

You need to make it very clear that although your prepared to respect their boundaries, you feel that they are too strict which quite frankly they are you're a legal adult (assuming your in the UK) and you should at very least be able to stay out until the clubs shut.

The chances are that they're worried about you and feel that keeping you close to home will keep you safe and that way they don't lose they're little girl.

Explain to them that you're a young adult and you need to be more independent, make a compromise ask them if you could cut down your hours and get a part time job to start with and if all goes well then in a few months time you could move to full time.

Make it clear that eventually you are going to want to move out on your own and you need to start preparing for that as you get older.

Good Luck