2 1/2 yr old girl - dicipline issues?

Question

My sweet little ray of sunshine has entered her terrible two phase.

I also have a new 2 week old son - and Lord knows I'd like to spend as much time paying attention to her as I can, but all parents of 2 or more know - that is really hard...

My dilema is dicipline at the moment - she throws loud physical fits, throws things, screams, hits.. oh ya know, the usual stuff.

And so far I've been really super consistant - putting her in her room for time out/ break to be a "nice girl" and honestly that seems to work pretty well.

The issue I suppose isnt with her so much as it is with me...

I was beaten and emotionally abused as a child and up through adolesence.

I never thought I'd believe in spanking but I find myself doing it from time to time. It tears me up inside when I see the look on her face or pick her up to take her to her room and I hear her cry and feel her heart beating out of her chest... along with the heart wrenching look of fear on her face when I've "had it"..... and I come walking twards her.

What I'm worried about is starting to cave when I am affected by what I call "flashbacks" or seeing my pain as a child coming out in her.

Now, I know I am not beating her - but I still feel like maybe I'm too harsh sometimes.and I am also dealing with all those hormones from having a new baby.

* Anyone dealing with the same thing? Or any parents of a toddler and newborn have tips for me?

Thank you for all your help in advance.

Answer 1

Hi,

Everybody has pretty much answered your question...great advice from the top contributor...

I just want to say to you that probably 95% of mothers have been where you are and felt like you feel. You're a good mother trying to do the best you can for your children, but you're also human, you have a new baby, so you must be tired and probably quite hormonal. Stop beatting yourself up. We all do mistakes, we all fail our own expectations, we all end up repeating some of the mistakes that were commited against us.

At least you're aware of them and you're trying to correct them.

Find different ways to discipline your child, tomorrow is a new day and a chance to make emends, follow some of the great suggestions already given, but I would suggest that you should work on some self healing as well.

Emotional and physicall abuse must have left a few scars and you need to heal them in order to be a more balanced whitin yourself, so that you can bring serenity into your life.

Good luck

Answer 2

you have to stay strong, spanking is weak and you yourself talk about the way it obviously makes your child feel. All you will do by spanking is ruin her spirit and self esteem which will make the behavior worse. It can make her more aggressive. Never tell her she isn't being a nice girl. Always make it about the behavior and not about her. Say "I don't like that behavior, that's a bad thing to do and you are a good girl.

Kids learn from repitition and consistency. You just have to keep being consistent and use creative methods to get what you want. You are an adult, you are smarter than a 2 yr old, use that to your advantage. Figure out what sets her off and then be creative and find ways to avoid the tantrums while still getting what you want. Try offering lots of choices when possible. Kids see choices as a chance to be in control. Do some research on the development of a 2 yr old and learn why they do the things they do. At that age they are striving for independence and to have some control in their life. Imagine what it must be like to be at an age where you finally think for yourself and have your own wants and desires and someone continues to squash them. Knowing child development is half the battle. Then you have to add in the fact that you just had another baby which is a real threat to the 2 yr old who has had your undevided attention for two years now.

If telling her to clean up causes a tantrum, be creative and offer a choice for example "do you want to put your toys on the shelf or in the toy box?" she sees it as a chance to have control and make a choice and doesn't view it as a demand yet you are still getting what you want...the toys cleaned up.

Spanking is never necessesary. It's not always about demand and obey. Be creative and your relationship will grow because you have taken the time and effort to parent rather than focusing on punishment when she doesn't obey.

good luck

Answer 3

I know how you feel. When you start to feel yourself get worked up take a step back count down from 10 and tell yourself she is just a little girl trying to push buttons. I have an almost 2 year old that does the same thing and it drives me nut but it really does work when you try and calm yourself down first. She is probably just acting out because there is a new little one around.  

Answer 4

i to my self grew up in the same kinda house and i was beated a lot. my daughter is three and omg. i have been through all of the fits. she still has them but shes getting better. i know its hard to hear her cry but she does have to learn there are limits and whats shes doing is wrong. i do spank my daughter time to time. i started taking her toys away now since she doesnt want to listen. that seems to work. also maybe make time for you two to have special mommy and daughter time she may just be acting out because of the new baby. hang in there i know it is hard but just know that you are not hurting her by putting her in time out. it may upset her but its not hurting her, and its not hurting her for you to set limits.  next time she has a melt down get down to her level and talk to her slowly and in a stern soft tone tell her she needs to calm down or she has to sit in time out and when she is done she can get up and play again. if she throws her toys at you take them and tell she can have it back later if shes good. good luck hun.  

Answer 5

Yes You should read the nanny 911 book its great and it has wonderful advice on every topic of how to raise your child properly and successful. I read that time outs work and you need to stay on top of it. Meaning if your child gets up during the time out you just keep putting him back on the chair until he gets the hint and stays on the chair for 2 minutes. Time outs are a reflection to think about what they did wrong. You then explain why they were put on the time out chair and ask for a hugs. At this age they really dont know what sorry means so get down to their level and just explain to them in 2 yr. old words.

Answer 6

Stop hitting her.  Your conscience is telling you that you shouldn't be hitting your child, that's why you feel bad when you do so...Your conscience is right.  Do you want your child to grow up like you did?  You say you've just had a baby, your 2 year old is feeling jealous and in need of a bit more attention.   I suggest that when the baby is napping you give the 2 year old some extra "mommy time".  And yes she is going to continue to having tantrums, they come with being two.  Stop hitting her use, time outs or put her in her room.  You wouldn't hit your newborn would you?  Well your two year old isn't much more than a baby herself, so why would you hit her?