2 months after he killed himself, what can I do?

Question

My grandson killed himself 2 months ago by overdosing on barbiturates, almost to the day. He was just 22 years old. He had recently been diagnosed with AIDS a few weeks before he killed himself. He had been living with us for 4 years this past February. My husband and I loved him so much.

I haven't been able to sleep at all, so I am wondering what I can do to help myself move on a little during these hours that I am awake. My doctor prescribed me sleeping meds, but I don't take them. I sometimes sit awake at night and think maybe I hear him in the other room and I hurry up out of bed, but he's never in his old room.

I just don't know what to do. I need some suggestions. Please.

I can't really ask my husband for help in the middle of the night because he needs to go to work early in the morning so he can support us since I am on leave for a while.

Answer 1

I know kinda what your going through my aunt disapeared 4 years ago (she was a heroin, crack addict) I lay in bed nights thinking of her whether shes alive and being held by someone or if shes dead . It seems during the day its not so bad butwhen I go to bed all these thoughts run through my mind like maybe I should have got her into rehab or should of taken that last phone call. not knowing is the worst thing. I just started going to a therapist to talk it out with her and it seems to help a little. I'm really sorry for your loss. I think maybe you should call local churches to see if they offer bereivment groups this way you can talk to others going through the same and also talking about him and your feelings help.  

Answer 2

You should read a book learn a new language find a hobby get into a tv show you like. Make a video workout or run in the park or walk. Try to forget your grandson(i know this is hard). But if your grandson could see you know he wouldnt want you so worried about him that it will go so far to affect your health. Good luck and sorry about your grandson.

Answer 3

One suggestion I have is to believe that in small ways, you still have your grandson with you.  I believe when you hear him in the other room, somehow he *is* there, even if you don't see him. Don't fight it - just accept that *he* is trying to comfort *you*. A few weeks after my brother was killed, I had a crying jag I thought would never end. Then I felt someone's arms wrap around me. To this day, I think it was my brother comforting me.

I strongly urge you to get some counseling or look online for any support groups near you, especially groups for those who have lost loved one. Even an online e-chat type group would help for those times in the middle of the night when you don't feel like you should wake up someone. Please give it a try.  God bless and take care.

Answer 4

Oh, Im so sry bout your grandson, suicide is such an ugly thing. If I would you I would talk to someone who helps ppl deal with love ones who commited sucide, just do a yahoo search, im sure you will find something in your area. As of passing time, read a book get your mind off of reality and wonder into imangination of a book. I find that the best way to deal with mental pains.

Best of luck and again, sry about your grandson.

edit - despite wht blizz says, never "forget" your grandson, I dont think he met this the wrong way, but, you wanna keep him in your heart forever, just out of your head, if you know wht I mean.

I just wanna add, dont be scared if he does comfort you, the spirt world works in a scary, but loving way.

If you really want help, maybe move, like start over, so you wont worry about his loss as much, but can still remember and love him, maybe go to like a small town or something.

Answer 5

Oh gosh sweetie- I can't even pretend to know what you are going through right now. I feel for you...I REALLY do.

I'm only 17 but when I was 13 maybe 14 years old- one of my mom's friends (who was like a very close auntie to me) commited suicide. She was visiting her parents in another country and her husband was here planning to come up in a couple of weeks (since he had to work). She took her son with her (2 years old at the time). Luckily for me, her death still hasn't really hit me.

I'm sorry once again.

As for what you can do...we can all give you suggestions but in the end it'll be entirely up to you. He took his life so he wouldn't have to suffer in his final days. Just know that there is nothing that you could have done and that he probably loved you more than anything but just needed to do what he did.

I'm sorry if I'm not really any help, but situations like these aren't easily solved by just a few recommendations to distract you from what you really feel.

My heart goes out to you.

~S

Answer 6

I am truly sorry for your loss.  I cannot begin to imagine the pain that you must be experiencing.

It is REALLY crucial to your mental and physical health to, first, get some sleep.  Chances are, the medication that the doctor gave you is a non-habit forming sleep aid.  I would suggest that you use them.

Second, it may be time for you to seek your doctor's referral for a therapist.  Or, call the behavioral health referral number on the back of your insurance card and ask them for participating providers in your area.

There are support groups that you can join who are full of people just like you.

Good Luck

Answer 7

I know how it feels to lose someone to suicide.two of my friends committed suicide together and its been just over a year.  and of all of the people in my life that I have lost. its a completley different feeling.

but if your doctor prescribed you the meds. then you should take them.

is there anyone else you can talk to for support?

what are some things that you like to do? do you like puzzles? I know it sounds lame to some people. but journaling really works. could you try that? and its completley normal to think you hear them and the reality is still the same. that theyre gone. but also know. that he loved you-

and in that moment he didnt know what to do. but know that he is watching you. and that he has your back no matter what.

there are a few resources online that you can look through to help you with your greif. but keep in mind that everyone greives at their own pace and in their own way. and sometimes-if you need to ask him for help. then do it. if the need is strong enough and if nothing else that you have set up to do for yourself works at that time.

but I really hope things will be okay for you, and I will pray for you.

dont be afraid to ask anyone for help. you deserve it. maybe see a grief counselor for some time.