20 year old dude want does not want to leave anymore.?

Question

I am a 20 year old dude, I live in a small town of El Dorado Hills CA, I just got discharged out of the U.S. Navy, after serving 1 year. I am glad I got discharged, I got out for medical reason, because I have a personality disorder and paranoia. What I really have is bi-polar disorder. It was that and before the military I worked two or three jobs at ounce making minimum wage, and live on my own in southern Cal. I have made more enemies then friends in my life nd especially the military. I don't have anybody here in El Dorado Hills CA. Just a bunch of backstabbers. My top 5 friends that I would take a bullet any day are scattered far away from me. I have no girlfriend and people think I am g*y or r****d. AllI ever wanted in this world is to fit in, I go out of my way to please others. Instead I always get the short end of the stick. Women are on of my main weakness they either bring me up or bring me way down. But women always will break my heart. And as of right now I can't think of any reason to live I've seen the main stuff in life except ride a motorcycle and get laid. Yes I am still a lousy virgin. And I hate it. I figiured I am only 20 with no wife, no girlfriend, no kids, no family, no bills, no credit card. I have nothing to lose. My 5 attempts to set up a new life for me failed. No girl want me, they all flake out on me. I am just waisting my god d**n time!!!! I should have done this years ago when I was just as suicidal. I got worse from the military. I look at myself as a bad account that needs to be terminated.

Answer 1

Hi dude!  If you've got nothing going in El Dorado Hills why don't you move.  Maybe a change of scenery would do you good.  You didn't say what medication you are taking.  Also, you need to hook up with a counselor and a support group.  I know it might not sound like something you want to do but I'm telling you it can make all the difference.  What kind of medical insurance do you have? I know about bi-polar.  It's a rough road but not the end of the world.  You have to work with it.  Take your meds and get some good support.  Go back to school if you can handle it.  Learn a trade so that you don't have to work minimum wage.  You are number 1.  Take care of yourself first.  The rest will follow.  Please don't give up.  You matter.  You have something to give else you wouldn't be here.  Blessings!

Answer 2

I am so sorry you feel that way. I don't think anyone should think of taking their own life, that's not how God wants things to work. Everyone deserves to live. And you are part of that everyone! You are only 20, you have your whole life a head of you. Hang in there. Try to be more confident and focus on the positive in the world rather than the negative in your life. Things will change for you. Maybe you should talk to a councelor?! I find it easier to talk to someone that doesn't know you than someone who does and they would be a doctor with a little more advise to take. Just remember there are people out there that love you. Now you just need to love yourself! Best wishes and God Bless!!

Answer 3

If you say you tried to change your life how did you try to change your life. What do you want your life to be? At your age its perfectly normal to be single and none of those stuff. Take a road trip. Get away from town go explore things. You said it yourself you have nothing to loose right? So get out of your small little town, and go live. Do things that you never thought of doing. Go see your friends that are scattered everywhere. Just go have fun and for get about this life for a while, and maybe along the way you could find a new one. You never know. =]

Answer 4

20 is so young.  You have your whole life ahead of you.

  Everyone (and I mean everyone) have bad times, and stumbling blocks.  The only way to be successful, is to persist.  It is only the people that give up, that fail.

  I think that you should consider the opposite perspective - what DO you have?  It sounds like you have a lot (food, shelter, friends, intelligence, work experience, a diagnosis of your medical issues).  You also have hope.  So much can change in a very short period of time.

  I would think that a lack of a girlfriend - is not a big issue.  You need to be ok with yourself - before you even think about getting serious with someone else.  A girlfriend will not make you whole - only you can do that.  Also - 'desperate' is a big turnoff to most girls.

  Yes, seek help - and then make yourself a list, of your ideal situation.  You know, where you work, what your friends are like, how much you earn, where you live, how many kids, what type of wife etc.  Then work backwards - what steps should you take now, to achieve this.

  Are you taking all the medication that is recommended to you?

  You sound like a nice boy, and I hope that things work out for you.  I always believe that when one door shuts, another door opens.

Answer 5

Hey, dude. Seek professional help before anything turns worst. At least you know your weakness and you admit that you have the disorder, it will be easier for experts to deal with you. Don't waste your time. Think sensibly.