20 years old and thinking about getting married now?

Question

my boyfriend and i are totally IN LOVE with each other, we are just obsessed with each other and we have so much fun together. we were talking about getting married. He's graduating college in December and i don't graduate til 3 years from now. My parents say im not allowed to get married until after i graduate...but we don't want to wait that long. So we were thinking of just going to a church and getting married with just a witness there and kinda have it a secret. i don't know tho because i feel bad lying to my parents...what do you think??

Answer 1

Oh my God. Please don't do this. You are so young, and your perspective will change in just a few years. I'm not saying he isn't the one, but give it time. What is the rush? You two are still together. Don't do this to your parents. It is so selfish. I'm sure they dream of the day they can stand by their little girl on her wedding day. Whatever intensely crazy in love feelings you are having, it's not fair to disregard others. Your bf isn't the only person in your life, right? Remember that. Your parents gave you life and raised you. Respect them enough to allow them to be a part of such a special day. If your bf loves you as much as you say, he will be there in a few years still.  

Answer 2

Everything you just didnt say said it all. Number one, do you really want to look back and not see the image of your white dress, brides maides, ect? Dont think so. As much as it sounds cool to elope, there are numerous reasons not to. Marriage is serious, its a committment, not a rush into it kinda thing. Its expensive once you are married, you have bills to deal with, payments you never saw coming, do you have health insurance? Hello, real issues. Can you afford rent, insurance, utilities, food, transportation, if you get pregnant, can you afford to raise a kid now? You elope, this is what you will face. You wait until you have finished college, get a good job, set aside money for a decent wedding, life, its a cool thing. Also, If its the real deal, you both will still want to marry after you both finish school. If this is just a mad crush, it won't, then you would really be in a mess. Divorce is expensive, nasty, not a game. I know this isn't what you want to hear, but its reality. As far as lying to your parents? You really willing to deal with what they will throw at you? Hello, they will always throw it up in your face. Wait and see where you both are in a year and see then if you still want to marry this guy. He may want something else. Is he ready to give up chasing other women for real? Marriage you can't cheat. No bars, getting drunk with pals, going to strip clubs. Noooooo. Doesn't work that way. Its not a party, its a committment. Hun, you are sooooo not ready for this. The fact you had to even ask, said it all.    

Answer 3

So if you flunked out of college, you'd never be allowed to get married? :-)

In America you are allowed to get married if you are of legal adult age (and sometimes before).  If you are that h**l-bent on it, just do it and don't hide it.  But I think you have other options.

The way it worked with my parents was, I could get married at that age if I was willing to be completely cut off from financial support.  It was assumed that if I was mature enough to start a new family, I was also mature enough to support myself.  I thought that was reasonable.  It wasn't like they were going to completely throw me out of their lives or anything.  Perhaps your parents might have a different opinion.

You know, technically, your parents haven't forbidden you from getting promise rings, or even from getting engaged, with a marriage scheduled for 3 years from now.

You neglect to mention how long you've been with your boyfriend.  I hope you will have the patience to wait at least a year since you started dating him.  A lot can change in that time.  And time is something you still have plenty of.

Oh, and last but not least, please remember -- love is patient.

Answer 4

Wait until you get out of school!!

Answer 5

Well, I'm 19, married, and a student, and my husband is 18.

It's the best decision we've ever made.

If you are really in love and no doubts about marriage then go for it.

P.S.- Your parents can't tell you what you can and cannot do, you're an adult.

Answer 6

First of all your 20 yrs old your parents cant tell you what you can or cant do and if you and your boyfriend love each other and want to spend the rest of your lives together then get married but dont keep it a secret.

Answer 7

i totally agree with tiny wires. me and my hubby got married at 18 and this november will be our 10 year anniversary. it was the best decision we ever made. your parents can't tell you what to do anymore, sure they might get upset, my mom did and now she absolutely loves my husband and agrees that i made the right choice.

edit:  just make sure you finish college and graduate. you don't want them thinking that because you got married it held you back.  they will ALWAYS throw it in your face

*we didn't have a huge wedding, in fact we went to reno, but i don't regret it. as a matter of fact we are thinking of renewing our wedding vowels and including our children in the ceremony, this makes it even more special.*

Answer 8

So as I understand there is nothing else connecting you besides love and some adolescent passion?

And what is going to happen when you get married and have to deal with everyday chores? Is love going to pay your bills?

Answer 9

this is easy be smart and listen to your parents be stupid and listen to your emotions, true love can wait, infatuation can't.

Answer 10

how long have you guys been together? it sounds like you are still in the puppy dog love stage. i would wait a few years. it takes that long just to get to know another person well enough to know if you want to spend the rest of your life together. and if you do know that then whats the rush? getting married in secret sounds kind of immature...i'm sure that you guys are totally in love now but it wouldnt hurt anything to wait a few months at least...

Answer 11

don't lie to your parents, you are 20 you don't have to. Just do it and don't tell them if they are against it. But make sure you are ready. It is a big step and really the older you are the better. But at the same thing marriage is a beautiful thing and if you are having s*x already you should get married.

Answer 12

you are wrong my dear you should wait for it i m not saying that wait three years but atleast you have to wait at least whether he is not stand or employeed i dont know he  is or not because love is not everything for living in enviournment you need some essentials like house clothing and eat after that your expectation are more so untill you or your lover employeed.have a nice time my dear friend .

Answer 13

umm....date him a few years first and get out of college.

  You don't want to be stuck in the real world with someone you married in college; Life gets a little more complicated than school, and you need to know you can handle it as a couple..LOL

Answer 14

Please wait til after you graduate.  If you love someone and they love you they should be willing to wait.... unless there is some other reason.  Please protect yourself.  There is a whole out there that you need to experience.

Answer 15

This is funny ,ur way too young en its just adolescent thing in your head so plz love is patience he can wait for you if he really love you,en if you marry with this teenage fantasies you will remember me as you regret ,3yrs is too less wait till u grow up ,hello wake up gal ppl stay even 30 yrs

Answer 16

I've answered questions like this I don't know how many times. I've said the same thing. If you know its right, there is no reason to wait. Everyone has their own opinion on this matter. I don't think there is any reason to wait if you are in love. I got married when I turned 20 and my husband was about to turn 21. We dated less than a year but knew we would spend the rest of our lives together. I couldn't be happier with the decision I made. We've been married

almost 7 years now, with two kids and one on the way. You do what your heart tells you, only you and him can decide what is right. Good luck :)

Thanks for the thumbs down.. I was just telling from my experience. If you don't agree thats fine but its not like i'm giving bad advice. Grow up people.

Answer 17

Your parents are right.. Waite in till you have graduate from school.. Your boyfriend will already have school behind him.. Focus on yourself and develop yourself to be a college women.  Your views and your thinking are going to change. I didn't get married in till i was in my late twenties and I'm so glad i waited.  Your twenties are supposed to be exploring yourself and developing what you want in life..