22 year old daughter didn't invite me to her wedding...?

Question

I raised this child by my self and she in the last year never invited me to go dress shopping, or any other wedding shopping nor has she invited me to her wedding. She says I am too controlling. She says that her fiancee's mother will be throwing her wedding shower. I'm wondering what exactly a mother has to do to not get invited to her only child's wedding? I've never killed anyone... And since this wedding is only days away, if she invites me at the last minute, do we go? oh... her bio father has passed on after seeing her once since she was two but she isn't inviting her grandparents on his side either...

Answer 1

I'm with Shelley.

While my mother is fantastic--I've met plenty of parents who aren't.  You've obviously offended her far beyond what you are capable of realizing at this moment.  You need to step back and realize where you went wrong--and then bring that up with her.  You only have days so I suggest you start thinking.  Say something like, "Anne, I know I haven't always been supportive of your decisions and at times have been controlling and manipulative.  I realize now how horrible I must've made you feel and I am deeply sorry.  I want to work on putting our relationship back together.  I hope you'll change your mind about having me at your wedding--but if you don't, I want you to know that I'm serious about repairing our relationship.  I'm sorry if I hurt you."

Maybe you can suggest counseling.  You guys clearly need it.  If you're not invited to the wedding, you may very well be denied the honor of visiting your grandchildren.  Get on the ball.  Even though you're not invited to the wedding, it would be a nice gesture to send a no-strings-attached gift afterwards.  You need to stop controlling your daughter.

Answer 2

I think there is more to this than your question would suggest and I think the fact that she is not inviting you to her wedding is the least of the problems between you and her.

Answer 3

I would pick up the phone and call her.  I would be very nice and not accusatory.  Tell her that you love her very much and would really want to be at her wedding.  Also, mention that whatever resentments she has towards you, you apologize and you hope that you both can start again and have a healthy relationship.  I feel for you....we all make mistakes..I am a Mother too..and no one sends you to school to be a parent, so mistakes are inevitable, but that doesn't mean she should disrespect you by shunning you and not inviting you.

My wish for you is that you both patch things up and that you are invited and enjoy her happiness.

Answer 4

she probably doesn't want you tiring to control her wedding and criticizing how she does it. get a clue. and yes if she invites you you go and be gracious about it.

Answer 5

well maybe you are too controlling...and she probably thinks you aren't going to let her make her own decisions about her wedding.. think back to when she was a teenager and had to make important decisions did you guide her to do wut you wanted?

Answer 6

My mother passed away recently and, as someone who just lost a parent I must say I find that to be a little selfish of your daughter. She has NO IDEA how lucky she is to still have you on this earth.

Unless you are a horrible women, which I would have no idea, I think you have every right to go. I am stunned by her actions, but then again I don't know you or the relationship between you two.

Have you asked her why you have not been included with the planning?

Answer 7

My sister just got married last month and didn't invite our father. He was devastated. She didn't invite him because she felt like he didn't support her choices. It had nothing to do with her choice of who she was marrying, just her choices in general. He  didn't make her feel validated (plus he was an absent father most of growing up)...  My suggestion for you is do everything you can to tell her and show her that you really really really want to be there and that you absolutely promise not to be controlling (and then don't be controlling). Knowing my sister, it was really hard for her to not invite my dad, and if she knew it was hurting him as much as it did she probably would have changed her mind. It's too late for that, but I suspect that your daughter loves you as most children do, and it is probably hard for her too... she may soften up if she feels supported by you and knows that you won't interfere in a way that she can't be in control of her special day. Hope that helps.

Answer 8

Whoa! You raised an ungrateful little twit.

My mom gets on my nerves ALL the time and vice versa but NOTHING will make me do that to her. She will be there and helping me plan no MATTER WHAT

Answer 9

I think you already know the answer to this question.  You know yourself and you know your daughter.  With which of you does the answer lie?  Perhaps to others you really don't want to say, but what does you gut tell you?

Answer 10

Who sent out the invitations? Did she say you can't attend her wedding? Did you get an invitation to the shower? Is it possible someone made a major over site and did not include you on the invitation list? If invited at the last minute GO or you will always regret missing your child's wedding. She should have included when making her plans but the final decisions are hers to make.

Answer 11

This certainly isn't going to be a popular post, but I'm going to tell you like it is.

I am 30 years old, my fiance and I are paying for our own wedding, and I must say, my mother is right behind you. She is way to controlling, she has too many opinions, and she's judgmental. In my case, if she doesn't lay off and keep her negativity to herself she won't be invited either. Heaven forbid she pretend to honestly be happy for me, and just restrain her controlling ways. I completely understand where your daughter is coming from, and it looks like we're in the same boat here. Listen, she sounds like she's fed up. Lay off her. If you want to go to her wedding and have a relationship with her then I suggest you call her, apologize, tell her you support her decisions, congratulate her and shut up! Let it go! You can't control anything she does. She's an adult, an individual, she has her own thoughts, opinions and priorities.You need to respect that. If you can't, then you see what is going to happen. You'll be shut out. Don't ever give her your opinion again unless she asks, and even then be very careful about what you say and how you say it. And remember, wedding planning is stressful. She appears to be cutting the bs out of it, which I don't blame her for. I haven't seen my father in over 10 years, he's not invited nor are his parents. What's the point? The only guests we want there are people that are happy for us. Are you happy for your daughter? Have you shown her you are, or did you step right in with demands, or criticism? Think about it and think honestly. Let your daughter be the adult that she is, whether you think she's mature enough or not. Just smile and be nice or she'll push you away. So far, my mother doesn't even know I have a date set, a location, or that I've had a dress for 2 months now. She's missing it all, because I just don't want to be around her and listen to her controlling, demanding, judgemental, opinionated, stuck up, negative comments. It's a shame she has to be so self-centered and miss everything. Are you going to let this happen to you or can you let her be her?

You chose your lifestyle, let her chose hers. She's going to anyway.  She doesn't need your approval. If you want her in your life, find a way to grin and bear it.

Answer 12

Your too judgemental for one.



And i dont think this was a big suprise for you. Im sure there are other things that have went on. Im sure that your daughter didnt just decide not to invite you.

I'm not inviting ANY of my family to my wedding. Just because you share blood doesnt automatically get you in!

Answer 13

I'm sorry, but NOTHING my mom ever has done to me will prevent me from inviting her to my wedding, because she is my mom and I love her. She sounds like a horrible person. Family will always be there for you no matter what. I'm sure I'll get thumbs down saying I think she is a horrible person, but that is how i feel.