27, unmarried, pregnant, in a public school. Help! ?

Question

I am 27 years old, pregnant, and unmarried. This isn't a problem to me personally, but I work in a public school. I am in a long term relationship with the man that I know I will marry, but I don't believe an unplanned pregnancy is a reason to get married. My problem lies in the fact that teachers are supposed to be good role models, and I'm sure a lot of parents, and maybe colleagues, would frown upon the fact that I'm pregnant, but not married. Should I just tell the students that I got married and to refer to me by my "new name" before actually getting married? I feel like it would keep a lot of people out of my business. Has anyone ever dealt with anything like this before?

Answer 1

i was in the exact same situation at the beginning of this year, except that i was 22 at the time (now 23). I taught a yr 2 class, and the thoughts you are having were the ones i was having too. The truth is, it isn't anyone's business but your own. I had all the support from the teachers, and just had to explain a little to the children that you don't have to be married to have a family. The parents were very understanding (except for one which i'll tell you about later) and told me bits of advice and loved hearing how the baby was doing. I even got quite a few presents when i left!

As for the nasty parent, she came in one afternoon shortly after i announced my pregnancy, and interrogated me about my choices and told me that i was a bad teacher and will be a bad mother because i am not married. She said i was teaching her daughter the wrong values and wanted me to tell her how to clean up the 'mess' i'd made at home.  I was infuriated! I told her it's not my job as a public school teacher as opposed to a private school teacher, to teach those types of value at school. We teach honesty, respect, friendship, kindness etc etc, not when and how you should make a baby! She then spent the rest of my time there sitting out the front of the school bagging me out to anyone that would listen making up garbage to get other parents to dislike me too. fortunately for me, the parents knew better, told me what she as doing, and i made a formal complaint about her! She was not allowed to speak to me unless an appointment as made any the stage supervisor was present.

you should feel proud to be pregnant, and not worried about what others think. it's none of their business and once you have your beautiful baby, you'll probably never have to deal with those parents again. and your school will stick up for you if you have any trouble, parents are not allowed to deface you on a personal level.

good luck! =)

Answer 2

you are a grown woman who went through college and now has a respectable career, right? You sound like a good role model to me. I say dont worry about it.  

Answer 3

Hi, I'm 28 and have two children to the man who I know is my life partner, yet we are not married.

I think you should be honest! the truth is more important that keeping up appearances.

Be strong and be in your truth, marriage seems to be something people are giving a lot of consideration these days. I mean think about all those divorces, its only a social structure. Maybe its a little outdated?

who knows maybe one day one of your students will be in the same position and they can then draw positivity from your experience.

As long as your in love and happy, your baby doesn't mind!

Answer 4

I actually think you'll be better off in a public school rather than a private school (where I teach). They actually told those teachers who lived with their boyfriends to make sure they didn't tell any parents.

Anyhow, I had a friend get pregnant a couple of years ago, she taught 10th grade math and she was not married. But, she wore a small band on her left hand ring finger and no one ever asked questions. All her friends knew, but I think the parents and students didn't ask because they knew (I hope) that it wasn't really any of their business.

If you feel more comfortable lying, go ahead. But, it will most likely raise more questions about your wedding, etc. And, when you do get married, it will take away from all the joy you want to feel about sharing your wedding.

Congrats on being pregnant. Don't stress out too much because this should be the happiest time of your life. :)

Answer 5

I feel that as long as your not telling kids its ok then it shouldn't matter and if you guys been together for a while then its a common law marriage.

Answer 6

This is 2008.  A teacher having a baby without being married should not be treated as a "bad example" if society is to evolve at all to match your views (shouldn't get married just because you "have to").

Answer 7

You are a grown woman, went to college, got your degree and financially stable. That is the best role model anyone could be for anyone.  Just because you are married doesn't mean that you should have a child.  I am a single mom of about to be 2.  Be proud and stand up for yourself.

Answer 8

No you shouldn't tell the students anything.  You are an adult.  This is 2008 not 1958.  Your personal life is your business.  I am currently pregnant and not married either.  I am with the father.  I work in a office with women who were all married when they had kids.  I just let them think what the h**l they want.  If you get married after wards then they will put the pieces of if together.  But I wouldn't explain anything.  You don't owe anybody any explanation.

Answer 9

make them assume your married

Answer 10

you dont have to tell your students nothing but if they ask you tell them the truth. no your not but you are with a man for many years that you will marry. i had all three of my kids before my husband and i got married. and if your colleges has a problem with it then oh well to them. no one is perfect but at least you didnt have a one night stand and get pregnant now that would be a hard one to explain.

Answer 11

I am a teacher and I am studying to be a principal, and I understand your concern. I know you are only human, but as teachers we are role models. You should not let the students know you are unmarried and pregnant. I am also a parent, and I would be upset if my daughter's teacher was pregnant and unmarried. I know pregnancy should not be a reason to marry, but if you are sure he is the one, why dont you go ahead and run down the the court house, or have a small wedding soon, before you start to show. Good luck. I know it must be difficult for you. contact me if you want.

I know people are telling you that is okay and it is 2008, but really it is not okay. You are an educated person and this should not have happend to you ( you are smarter then that), but of course accidents do happen. While people might say they understand, and of course you wont be fired, they will still judge you and look down on you because of it, no matter what anyone says. Do the right thing and get married.

Just because it is 2008 does not mean we should stop teaching our children values. That is what is wrong with this country. We have no more values!

Answer 12

YES I am 22 years old and unmarried and at 32 weeks along really showing.  I feel lke ppl are constantly downgrading me, but I really cannot see their point, as married ppl have s*x too, what makes them so much better? And about 98% of ppl have had s*x BEFORE they were married, so the possibility of pregnancy was there for them as well...they just got lucky.

I dont know if I will ever marry this guy, but I know I am not trashy and I dont sleep around. Its still embarassing walking around with your body a constant reminder you've had s*x. But everyone has s*x, maybe a select few do not before marriage.

I think its none of their business you are a teacher that in itself proves you are a respectable citizen

I bet those parents are going home to have s*x that night

Answer 13

This isn't 1900, teachers don't get fired for being unwed mothers unless you live in a rural area. If you do, move.

Answer 14

Actually I would actually think that you would be a better role model by not lying to them. If any parents ask you anything, just tell them you don't feel comfortable enough to get married yet. It would be better if you were just truthful.