2nd time.. How to say "I don't like you", but nicely?

Question

My family recently moved into a new town. An 11 year old boy a few houses away frequently comes to ask if he can play with either my 8 year old boy or my 11 year old boy. The 8 year old likes to play with him and I sometimes let them "hang out" in the backyard for the afternoon.

If the 8 year old is not home the neighbor boy askes to play with my 11 year old. My older son just plain does not like this other boy. They are very different in temperament, sense of humour, intellect and interests.

I would never force my son to play with anyone he did not want to play with "just to be nice".

I have tried already to talk to the parents about other issues such as my "house rules" and other situations , but they are not willing or capable to be helpful with such issues, so "talking to the parents" is not a helpful sugguestion.

My Question- What can we ( either my son or myself) tell this young fellow to get him to stop coming around WITHOUT hurting his feelings?

Answer 1

Try this:

Unliked boy: wanna play baseball?

Son: I don't like baseball

Unliked Boy: Wanna play hide and seek?

Son: I don't like hide and seek.

Unliked Boy: Wanna play cowboys?

Son: I don't like cowboys.

Soon the little boy will lose interest. and not want to play with your son.

Answer 2

There wasn't anything wrong with all of the responses you got the first time.

There is no hope for you---even the 2nd time around.......

How to say "Give it a rest", but nicely?

Answer 3

It is perfectly acceptable for your son to find himself not as compatible to the neighbor's child.  The age difference at that age dramatically changes his growth from seemingly childish mannerisms and what he finds enjoyable. It doesn't have anything to do with not liking this child - he's just not amused by companionship of someone he has nothing in common with.  Maybe it does your heart good to feel concious of his feelings, but it is not your responsibility to cater to the ego of another family's child.  Tell the young boy his FRIEND isn't home but when he's free to play you'll come to get him.

Answer 4

Your teaching your son's that it's ok to alienate people people they don't like them.

When they grow up and are in the work force there is going to be people that they don't like and your sons are going to have to learn to tolerate these people.

If your son doesn't like his boss would it be ok to tell him to stop coming by his work space.

Your son should play with this boy once in awhile as there is no nice way to say I don't like you.

Answer 5

well you could easily tell him when he comes to your house that your 2 boys aren't interested in playing that day or you could make up something saying how they are busy and you could tell him to come another time and after a while of excuses he'll sooner or later understand that you dnt want to be bothered with him

Answer 6

You can't do it without hurting his feelings, but you can minimalize it.  Just say, "Ya know, Bobby, my younger son Jimmy loves it when you come over to play with him, but Sam just doesn't share your interests.  He has other things he's doing right now."

Answer 7

Why are you being a wuss? Also, why are you reposting this question?

There is no way to tell a bully to back off in language that normal, polite people use. They don't HEAR IT. Being nice is ridiculous because they are not operating under the same set of assumptions YOU ARE. He doesn't think he's doing anything wrong because you've been a hand-wringing doormat.

Why not let him move in, since it's unlikely you'll be able to be mom enough to protect your kids from that future criminal.

Answer 8

Well remember he is a child, so you being nice isn't helping. Just come out and tell him that your son doesn't like playing with thim and you hope he will find someone else to play with.

Honesty is the best policy

Answer 9

When we grow up we have to play nice with our co-workers.  When is too soon to learn those lessons? The kid probably knows he's not liked.  He'll eventually get the message without you telling him or beaning mean to him.  Maybe in hanging out with your son he'll learn some social graces to make him more acceptable.

Answer 10

uh my son is unavailable