3 Year Olds Problems at PreSchool?

Question

Our 3 year old started preschool not long ago. We had a break of a month from it whilst we had a long holiday. Now, on our return, he seems to be having problems. We have increased his hours there because he was doing so well and was so happy.

Just before his holiday ended and we returned home, he started to wet his pant. We were doing well with potty before then, but now at preschool he is wetting his pant every time and not going to the potty at all.

Yesterday, we went to pick him up from preschool and he looked so sad sitting by himself when we arrived. He saw us and ran to me, crying even before he jumped onto me. I might add that his key worker intercepted us before we arrived to pick him up and she told us he had been clingy all day.

This morning my wife dropped him off and it was enormously hard work. He wouldn't detach himself from her and she had to play with him for a while until the staff came and eventually tempted him away.

Any thoughts please...

Answer 1

Your son may be having some problems in school and you may want to try to coax him to share with you. It could be some school bullies or teachers' remarks on him. His wetting of pants is a sign of anxiety and stress. His "clingyness" also shows some separation anxiety syndrome.

You can try pulling him out for a while when he gets a bit more ready or try changing the preschool centre to see if there is any improvement.

Answer 2

Good for you really looking into this for the wee man.

Is he normally happy to be separated from you? I have a very clingy child which was brought on by a bad nursery placement. The nursery was later closed down after a police investigation.

I would definitely make sure that the nursery is OK?? If you are certain its OK then reduce his hours and build up his confidence again.

If you are at unsure then don't risk it and take him out.

Good Luck x

Answer 3

for goodness sake he is three and missing you , especially as you have spent a lot of time together  while on holiday.  How long is the poor little mite away form you?   A couple of hours a day is quite long enough if he is obviously unhappy.

You do not say where you are but if you are in the Uk it certainly is not a legal requirement for a child to be in pre-school.  They do not have to start school until they are 5.

Answer 4

This is not unusual behaviour even for children who haven't had a long break.  we often have children that come in  for a few months and then start having trouble.

First of all you need to stop talking about pre-school at home do not mention it at all especially if it is going to be a few days before he goes in again.  The reason is, it is a bit like Christmas, the more you talk about it the more it gets built up into a great big thing and then instead of being exciting it becomes anxious.  On the day you are going to pre-school over breakfast say we are going to school today and don't mention it again even on the walk / drive there.

Secondly when you drop him off pass him to his keyworker and get straight out the longer you hang around the longer he will want you to stay.  It sounds really harsh and I know it is terrible leaving your child when he is upset but it doens't make any difference whether you stay for a minute or an hour he will still have the same reaction when you leave.

I always call the parents about 10 mins after they have gone, this is usually how long it takes for them to settle or be distracted and  you can always call yourself if the staff haven't had a chance.  He may have just got himself into a habit of crying when he comes in.

I am quite surprised he was sat by himself at the end, if a child is the last on the table then we always move them on with others - perhaps you could ask staff to do this.

Please don't be woorried too much though this is not unusual and he will get over it, he just has to get out of the habit.

Good luck

Answer 5

A few things it could be, maybe all of them.

Loss of the Budgie

More hours after having such a long break.

Reduce his hours by a day/morn/afternoon whatever he does see how it goes.

If he has a favourite game/toy he enjoys playing at pre-school ask his key worker if they could fetch it out to help him settle in.

Good Luck

Answer 6

all very normal I understand....been through the same thing with my little girl.

Yes its hard and its upsetting, been there too!....at that age my little girl used to do 2 mornings a week and then very very slowly we put her in to stay for lunch.This also caused its own probs as she would then not eat her lunch...

Try and speak to the leader up there and she if its possible for you to stay up there for one of the sessions (should be ok as they like a spare adult around to help) and this way you can see better what goes on in his little day.

We have the prob where ours is moving up to reception this sept and she is showing signs of being unsettled already.

Stick with it and try to join up with another adult in the class for the kids to play together.

Answer 7

Your child wants to be with you. Especially after your long holiday and knowing how great being with you all day is. Not to mention the fact that when you leave something behind, budgie(i have no idea what that is) it dies. That is how kids think.

Shorten the hours or pull your child out for a while. Find ways to help him express his feelings about budgie.

Answer 8

Separation Anxiety is a common problem among toddlers, and can even last to as old as four or five.  The best thing to do, although it might sound a little mean, is to just drop him off, and reassure him that you'll be back.  You said that you increased his hours and this may b stressful for him, being away from his parents for so long.  So one thing you could do is give him a transitional object, and that usually helps.  But when you drop him off, just be strong, he'll cry a little bit, but he'll see all the fun the other kids are having and'll join in.

Answer 9

sounds like something has happened to make him worried.

my little boy had problems settling into nursery school, and i found that it helped to stay with him for part of the day...  that way u can see first hand just what is going on....  ask his teacher if it would be ok if u were to stay with him for an hour or so every day...  that way u could help him make friends....  i found that being there really helped my son to make friends - little kids tend to flock around the adults,  so your son would get included more in the other children's games...  i also found that the first year at nursery was the worst....  he was clingy and didn't mix well with the others,  but now he's four,  and he complains like h**l when it's the school holidays !!!  i know it's worrying,  but i'm sure that things will improve...  

as for the toilet training, well,  maybe an incentive is needed  to help him get back on track ?  either give him reward stickers for every dry day he has,  or tell him that if he uses the 'big boys toilet' then u will play a game with him or cook him his favourite food when he comes home.  

i also found that allowing my son to take on of his soft toys in with him was a comfort...  it was kept in his bag all the time,  but i think he was comforted just by the knowledge that it was there in his bag...

good luck... hope things settle down and starts enjoying himself again soon.

Answer 10

Hi there! I am a former preschool teacher...Here are some of my thoughts...

First of all, you may be dealing with surly teens..and if that is the case...have you looked into a much smaller day-care facility? like one in a home? some people end up doing this..and it works out sooo much better! I used to work in several..and I know that it CAN make a huge difference!

also, there is always (but not necessarily) the possibility of somebody not being that nice to him when he has to use to potty!Also, when your wife drops him off, she should say goodbye and then leave, promptly!(no sticking around..but, DO say a "good bye, mommy will see you later, when I come to pick you up, after ,,,whatever time" and give him a hug and a kiss,and then just go, don't wait ,and hang around, this makes it very hard for any child! ,also, (maybe your child can have a photo of you and mom, in his cubby) or also with the photo, a stuffie(stuffed animal or blanket that is HIS and ONLY HIS) to leave in his cubby, just in case he might need it!

But, also, another thing is while he is there at that school, try searching in children's newspapers or http://www.craigslist.com  and other online places that might be able to help you both, with this uncomfy situation!

Sorry to hear this..I hope that this works out better for the three of you!

Good luck!

Answer 11

I work in a preschool in Australia although our preschool system is probably different than yours i do work with children 2 - 4 years.

Small changes to us can really effect a child much more than we realise. I recently had a 4 year old boy who turned into a different child, went from happy confident etc to crying all the time and wanting to go home etc. We couldn't work out what was happening...anyway to cut a long story short, he was going to be in a wedding and this is what stressed him out! He even ended up with stress ulcers etc. Once that wedding was over he was back to his normal cheeky self...thank goodness.

Work with the teachers (not against) and if they do not seem interested then find another preschool. We would love more input from our parents and sharing of any small detail helps. Especially when pets die...hey kids start to think about parents and their own immortality!! This can very scary stuff and can certainly go towards children regressing in toilet training.

Lots of patience, time, consistency and understanding is needed!

***Just a tip we often find that children cope better if parents leave within 10 - 15 mins after arriving, grab a staff person and say i need help leaving...a kiss and a hug and im comming back soon. Phone the preschool to see how he's going during the session.***

Good Luck!

Answer 12

it's normally for a kid to behave that way after a long holiday..

try talking to him........ try assuring him that u will pick him up for school.

all a kid needs is assurance.........

Answer 13

Well mabey you need to continue on the potty training and teach him that you gotta go to the toilot and not to be afraid to ask to go to the bathroom while in class. rember when you were a child no doubt words like poo and pee where funny, this might be hard for him to ask to be excused as the otehr children might laugh. but when you gotta go, you gotta go. just tell him its all right to ask.

Or as an option ask him if there is anything wrong. being a concerended parent is nothing to be scared about. you child might feel silly telling you but he has gotta understand thats it is ok to tell you stuff.

I hope this helps and you find out the proplem.

Answer 14

Separation Anxiety is always hard.  My husband has a daughter that we only get to see on a sporadic basis and in the summer. Everytime we leave her at daycare in the summer, she freaks out becuase she thinks her dad won't be coming back to get her. ( Her mom shuffles her around a lot too so that doesn't help)

We finally figured out to give her something to hold onto. Something like a business card or picture and play it up that it's very special and for her not to lose it. Then she is reassured that we will come to get her becuase she has the special important card.

It's odd but it worked for us. She only needed the reassurance for a week or so and then she was fine.

Answer 15

i am a pre-k teacher and i see this same behavior quite often. kids who are pulled and then come back or go on long vacations...they all seem to have problems when they get back to school. accidents are the most occuring problem, behavior issues and sadness are all common. it takes time.... just make sure the teacher is paying enough attention to him... most teachers understand and will be able to take the time to make him feel as comfortable as possible. i am in a big class (19 kids with two teachers) and we  teach at La Petite academy. we constantly are working with individual kids to make them feel like school is a fun, happy place to be. Its all about routine...i would not shorten the hours ...just keep everything  as routine as possible. bring him and pick him up at the same time everyday even. keep in touch with the school, even call a few days a week during the day to see how he is doing. your director should have more suggestions based on personal needs of your child. just know that this is a common case and it will pass... give 4-6 weeks at least. some kids take up to 3 months. just be patient and hope your childs teacher is patient. as for losing your budgie, i recently had a child in my class lose her cat.... its difficult but just do your best to keep your childs mind off of it...get rid of anything that may remind him of the pet... i know this seems harsh but until he is ready to cope with his loss, just keep him distracted.

Answer 16

there is clearly an issue with the preschool. something might of changed and he isnt coping well. unfortunately at three a child cant articulate himself very well so you need to investigate with the school. take him out of it if need be for a while and try again in six months. he doesnt sound settled and i'd hate to have to be in that position. my eldest was a little bit like that but i moved nursery and he settled fine. something is wrong and you need to find out what it is. or the poor little guy will just get worse.

actually its not a legal requirement to take your child to nursery or have them in education untill they're at least four, even five. nursery is used to help children get used to going to school and isnt compulsory. i know because my friend had issues with the nursery where her daughter went and pulled her out untill the start of proper infant school. this had no detrimental effect and her daughter goes from strength to strength.

Answer 17

If he only went a short while then was off a month he got out of his routine. It can take up to 6 weeks to get back into the routine of school. That coupled with an increase in hours may have him worried you don't love him anymore.

The wetting himself could be his way of acting out. It is one of the few things a toddler can control and if it gets him more attention then he will continue to do it. We have to give hug kiss and goodbye at our schools so the kids don't get as worked up.

Answer 18

Could he be worrying that you're going to go away again only this time without him?  It's the way childrens minds sometimes work.  He may be so worried that he isn't mixing with the others at preschool and just sitting there worrying.  If this is the problem I certainly wouldn't take him out but give him lots of reasurance, maybe, if you can, pop in to see him halfway through the session or arrive a little earlier.   Think of things that will give him the reassurance that you will deffinitely be back, maybe plan a trip to the park when you pick him up.  Talk to him about what you're both going to do after preschool.

Hope this helps, it's worth thinking about.

All the best

to KarenG, in the UK a child doesn't have to be in education at 3yrs old so he could be removed from preschool it is purely voluntary.

Answer 19

I remember this well with my daughter. It's horrible to have to watch.

If you are at all concerned about how they treat the children, you shouldn't feel worried about bringing this up. Your child is precious and they should understand your worries if they don't .. complain BIG time. ;)

Usually children cheer up after throwing wobblies when their parent has gone.. they seem to enjoy putting their mums and dads through h**l - -pesky kids!

Have they said whether he is okay at any time?

Maybe he just misses home. He'll get used to it eventually. It's so annoying though because you kind of look forward to your child going- just for a little break - and then they act like that to make you feel SO guilty.

Good luck. :)

Answer 20

try encouraging him to do right things or things you want him to do. again.

Answer 21

Maybe with him having a break of for the month any friends he bonded with might have formed fresh bonds with other children, and he probably doesn't understand why they don't play with him more, can't you or your wife hang around somewhere for 10 minutes when you drop him off. Then peer in and make sure no-one is being mean to him because trust me even at this age it happens. Try to get some information out of him like why are you sad when you go to nursery, or on some level that he understands you,I hope you go on ok because when our kids hurt it hurts us good luck :)