3 month old daughter. Fiance wants me to go back to work. I want to stay at home with her. Am i selfish?

Question

I feel like going back to work is the wrong thing. For me at least. My mother was always home with us until we were off to school in 1st grade. I dont feel comfortable with a daycare. (plus its costs a lot of $ to put her in daycare) and i dont fully trust someone i dont know watching her. I have family but i dont want to have to rely on them all the time. We are finnacially set. I would just rather be a stay at home mom. Am i being selfish? What are some ways i can prove to him its the better choice to stay at home?

Answer 1

No you aren't being selfish. Does he say why he wants you to go back to work? If it is financial-- put it down in black in white; the cost of childcare vs. your salary. Staying at home is legit and valuable. For some women going back to work is right for them, for others staying home is right. Some men can't understand the way it feels to be a mom-- the protectiveness and intensity of those feelings. Plus its a real JOB-- who can take better care of your child than you?

Answer 2

I think you need to sit down with him and have a good talk about it. Let him know how you feel about it. But don't let him pressure you into going back to work if you don't want to as you'll never get this time again. No I don't think for a second you are being selfish. I am not as financially secure as I could be, however I have no immediate plans to go back to work and when I do it will only be part time at this stage.

Answer 3

you are defintly doing the right thing and ur not being selfish. taking care of ur child is much more important.

Answer 4

Mothers who stay at home raise better kids

its not an opinion

it's a statistical fact

I don't fault you at all for staying at home with your child

I'm a teacher and I can tell you from experience, kids with moms at home do waaaaaaay better in class, are better behaved, and are better socially adjusted.

plus you spend everything you make keeping your child cared for anyhow...

Answer 5

why does he want you to go back to work,,,,does he not realize that his child willpickup so many colds and c**p......maybe go part time and ask a family member to help 2 days or so.....cant you wait till child starts school......i worked for a while when my daughter was  a baby and i cried every morning and i couldnt take it....so i quit....we dont struggle but we dont get to go on vacations or any thing like that right now but i dont care.,....i dont get to wear name brand lables and i think my last pair of shoes cost 8 dollars.....but i do not care...i will take a part time job when shes older just because.....my husband likes that she is so well taken care of |AND that he doesnt do house work anymore...lol

Answer 6

No, children thrive better off at home. I am a full time nurse and I home school my children. My husband works first shift and i work 2nd so our children don't go to daycare. We just started this last year before that they were going to school but when I have our last one we decided to do it this way. I love it. I also love going to work - i find it a good break.

Discuss with him the financial issues - usually unless you have a good paying job it is cheaper to stay home. FInd out what he reasons are that he wants you to go to work.

Answer 7

Need to reply to some really stupid answers.  Not sure where you people get your statistics, but studies show - and if you talk to any kindergarden teacher they will tell you the same thing - that children who attended some sort of formal group child care do much better in kindergarden, both academically and socially.

Now to answer your question - you are absolutely not selfish.  It's very hard for a mom to return to work, especially when your baby is SOOO young.  I could never have left my daughter at that age.  Thankfully I live in Canada where there are good daycares and we get one year of mat leave.  If you are breastfeeding, your baby needs you.  Simply explain to him that you don't need the money right now, and you want to focus on spending time with your infant for now.  You can re-evaluate later on.

I agree with someone elses post that these things need to be discussed before you have children to avoid any surprises.

Answer 8

From my point of view, you are no being selfish. As you said, you are just not ready yet. I remember being offered a part time job when my first one was a year old. I would have been happy to leave my son with my Mother in Law for the couple of days but she was unable to do this. I got as far as contacting day care centres, but when it came down to it, I just couldn't leave him there! (and yes, it is expensive!!).

At this time in your life, you have to do what is right for you as quite often, your needs will come a fair way down the list of importance. Talk to your fiance about how you feel it is important for your daughter to have you as her sole carer (well, and your fiance of course) rather than letting someone else raise her.

I know people sometimes have no choice about going back to work (due to financial reasons or their employer can't give them much time off) but if you do, make sure it is what you want.

Answer 9

Yes but that is natural. Your baby is not a toy for you to play with. You will very soon discover that she has a personality entirely her own and you have little effect on it.

You should have discuss this with him before becoming pregnant. Strong disagreement could destroy your relationship.

If money is no problem, you could avoid returning to work, however after 1 year, she will learn to socialize better if she spends some time in day care.

Answer 10

I feel the same was as you do. That's why I went back to work 2 days a week. It was good for me for the adult interaction. My husband stays home with her one day a week so he can see what I do all day long and get a taste of it:-) And I bring her to a in home day care that I love. She is great and there are only 3-4 other kids there. My daughter has been going once a week since 4 months old and she's now 16 months and it's great for her too to not ALWAYS be around mommy. She learns to socialize with other kids and have someone else be in charge. I think it's good for kids. BUT, I agree i don't want her there more than 1-2 days a week. I didn't have a child for someone else to raise them. They pick up all kinds of bad habbits at daycares from other kids and the sitter's aren't going to instill the same morals/rules/etc that you do at your home.

I don't think you are being selfish at all. See if he can compromise and let you stay home with the kids till they are 3 and can put them in preschool and then you'll go back part time. Or try doing something part time either from home or out of the house when family or he can be home with her.

Good luck!

Answer 11

I don't understand what is selfish about wanting to raise the child you brought into this world.  Being a SAHM is one of the HARDEST jobs in the world.  You work 24/7, you give more of yourself than you could ever dream possible and you don't get paid.  You ARE rewarded with small, precious moments.  Have him price GOOD daycares.  If you are financially set, then it would be selfish of you to go back to work.  What's the point??  A new Lexus?  Sorry, but that sounds more selfish to me than staying home and taking care of what you brought into this world!!

Answer 12

Its always good to stay at home with kids till 1st grade. If you guys are well off i don't understand the need to think of working. If at all you prefer to work, its good to opt for work from home.

Answer 13

I wouldn't want to put my child in daycare either.. After hearing about the awful things that happen at some of those places!!! I think if u guys r financially ok then i wouldn't. But maybe compromise and have ur parents look after her while u work a few days per week? That way the grandparents get some special time. I know how u feel thou id rather not work at all too..  

Answer 14

I suggest you take him to some high quality day cares that will care for a baby that small and let him see the program and the cost.

You also might figure out and explain your plan for when you will go back to work - one day a week when the baby is one, two days when she is two, etc., so that he understands you are talking about staying home when she is small rather than planning to retire permanently.

I stayed home with my son until he went into first grade, and with my daughter by starting part-time work at my own business, and slowly increasing the amount of time involved, and feel it worked out better with her.  Do you have the skills or talents to create a home-based business that will bring in some income?

Answer 15

NO!  YOU STAY HOME!  Don't let someone else decide for you and your baby even if he is the father and fiance.  

Work from home too if it helps like I did.  My kids never went to day care!

www.workathomeplus.net

Answer 16

Show him that much of your paycheck will go straight to daycare, gas money, lunch expenses, and perhaps work attire.  That convinced me and my husband to let me stay home.  Plus, your daughter will be raised by YOU and therefore be arguably more stable of a child.  Show him the statistics.  Good luck, and congrats!  

...and NO, you are being totally UNSELFISH.  Stay at home moms sacrifice EVERYTHING, believe me!!!!   I live near my parents and siblings, but they all have lives too... I'm not about to pressure them into being free daycare for their niece/granddaughter!!  If the fiance disagrees, then HE'S the one who's selfish, IMO!