3 year old - What are your techniques??

Question

My son just turned 3.. and is going through the phase of telling me no and throwing fits.. Like today.. it was time for him to get out of his bath and I had already given him a pre-warning.. "in a few minutes it's time to get out".. well I went to get him out and said "ok.. time to get out" and he says "no" in this whiny attitude way.. (that drives me nuts haha) and he literally threw a fit and I had to drag him out of the bathtub. I've tried the "go sit in your room for timeout" a few times.. but he just screams.. and when i tell him to stop screaming/crying he just screams louder.. which i understand is a kid thing.. just curious.. what were your techniques with your toddler to get them through the whiny/testing the limits phase? I realize that it's a phase kids go through - and I am usually really patient with him, but he is my first so I'm just hoping that Maybe I'll learn a few things and be able to try something new.. Thanks!!

Answer 1

It's been a long time since I dealt with children and tantrums as my youngest just turned 21....but I remember how difficult it could be sometimes.  You just can't let them win....as long as they will be safe if you put them in their room with the door closed just make them go in there and let them cry.  Tell them you can't understand them when they cry.....tell them how beautiful they sing.....tell them any crazy line you can come up with....just don't give in....I remember one time my mom told me to just close the door and let her cry because it was not a cry of pain...it was a cry to "get something" (a spoiled cry)..it was so hard..I ended up crying on the other side of that door, but eventually my child was ready to come out and talk calmly.

Answer 2

I always told my kids that they were allowed to cry, but that they had to do so with their mouth closed.  It was hard to keep from laughing watching them try.

Answer 3

This is all to familiar. My son just turned 3 as well. He went through this type of phase recently, and I'm slowly breaking him of it. When he throws a tantrum and tells me no, I look him right in the eye and calmly say "You have a choice to make. You can do what I asked nicely, or you can do it kicking and screaming. What do you want to do"? 9 times out of 10 he will say "I want to do it nicely". The tantrum stops. Sometimes, it doesn't work, and in that case I pick him up kicking and screaming and put him in a time out. It's helping A LOT. Good luck.

Answer 4

well like u said, it is a phase, and there isn't much you can do to stop him or have him end that phase earlier than he will be ready too...

Answer 5

First you never need to spank the kid it doesn't do anything and I am sure you don't want to spank him, second get on a strict schedule and stick to it make time to play with him and dont always be negative give him attention for when he does good things too, When he does act up I have found out that my three year old is usually tired, hungry, or wants my attention. You can always put them in time out for three mins and talk to him so that he understand what he did was wrong. If you stick with a schedule and give him attention he should stop acting out.

Answer 6

Spank.

Really.  you don't need to inflict pain, it's just to show authority.

Answer 7

when he goes in his room for time out, tell him that you will start the timer when he is quiet.  When he is in his room screaming his head off, pay him no attention, no matter how loud he is screaming act like it doesnt phase you.  The first time you do this, expect him to scream for a very long time (my daughter took almost an hour).  Do not keep going in and telling him you will start the timer when he is quiet, only tell him once.  The first time you do it, you could remind him one other time, but after that do not keep reminding him because he is getting your attention and that defeats the whole purpose.  Once he is quiet, set a timer for 3 minutes (or one minute per year of age).  If he starts screaming again after you have started the timer, stop the timer and wait till hes quiet and then restart it for another 3 minutes.  I will say that the first few times of doing this are going to be like torture but it is SO worth it.  He will soon learn that throwing a fit does nothing but make him stay in time out for a very long time.  Once the timer goes off, go in and talk to him in a calm voice and ask him why he chose time out.  If he cant remember give him a reminder, but most of the time he should have to tell you why.  Tough it out with this technique, even if it takes 10 times of doing it, I promise you it will work.  He will learn to sit quietly in time out and you will be much happier.

Answer 8

i say to my son. do you want mummy to feel sad because your being naughtey? kids dont want to make their mums sad so it helped when my son was being naughtey id say that or mummys getting angry. do you like it when mums angry?, and he would say no and obey. however my son is quite a easy well mannered boy for his age.

Answer 9

Dont give in. Period. It's good that you pulled him out of the tub. This is the age he will test you. If you threaten him with something you need to follow through with it. My aunt is awful with her daughter. When my cousin starts acting up and throwing fits at the store or anywhere in public she'll say "I'm counting to 3" but she never actually gets to 3. She'll start over after 2. It got so bad that one day we were at dinner and her daughter started throwing a fit because she didnt get what she wanted I took her outside and sat her on the bench and told when she wanted to behave she could go inside and sit with us. Hey, it worked. And she doesn't do that anymore, at least when I'm with them.  So just don't be afraid to be strict.

Answer 10

You have got to give him a good old fashion spanking. Don't do it in the heat of the moment when your frustrated with him though because your not trying to kill him... lol... just let him know that you mean what you say and that you are the boss. You have to establish some type of fear with him...not really a harsh boogie man fear but a stern "I had better listen to my mommy" fear. Then start taking away toys and privledges and reward him more when he does something good.

Answer 11

When it comes to whining, I would say, "I don't understand you when you whine" and then ignore everything that comes out of the mouth in the whine tone. As for the screaming and throwing a fit... never give in. Adapt an "I will win" attitude. Let him scream and cry to his hearts content... but in his room. Ignore it. Eventually he will see that his fits get him no place. If you give in... even once, he will throw longer and longer fits to get what he wants. If he comes out of his room, Pick him up in a matter of fact way and tell him that he is not allowed out until he is finished with his fit, then plop him back down in his room. This might take many times at first but eventually if you don't back down.. he will have to.

EDIT: if your patience is tested and he keeps opening the room door, you can always install a  hook latch high on the outside of the door to keep him from being able to get out on his own. ONLY use this in times of punishment when you don't want him coming out. Then if you need to step onto the porch to avoid having to listen to the screaming, it gives you the ability without him being in control of the house. (Make sure the room is fully toddler proof)

Answer 12

My 2 year old is doing those things as well. We tried time out and honestly it did not work for us. So I give him 2 warnings to stop whatever the negative behavior is and if he does not then I swat him one time on the diaper with my hand. then I explain to him that mommy had asked him to stop and that he needs to listen to me.  I dont change tactics with him. he knows already if he gets to the 2nd warning then Mommy will spank.

   No method will work if you do not stay consistent. Also no method will work if you react out of anger rather then disciplining with patience.

Answer 13

When my daughter went through that phase I had to do a lot of ignoring. That is I taught myself to ignore the reactions to my punishments. I would also use time outs and she would also scream and throw fits. I learned that when I would acknowledge the tantrum even in a negative way she would continue but when I ignored them she gradually began to stop using them. I also made sure that when she was quiet or doing what I asked I quickly praised her even if it was the simplest request. I would even wait for her to quiet down in her room during time out and then I would go in and tell her what a good job she was doing. I just tried to always be consistent with both the punishment and praise. I also made sure she understood why she was being punished. (I usually had to explain it to her afterward because there was no chance during one of her tantrums. Anyway I feel your pain and if it's any consolation the next phase is usually the "Why?" phase.

Answer 14

The answer is to ignore him.  It may sound harsh but you are not a bad parent if you do this.  It works.  Sit him in time out and if he screams just walk away like it doesn't bother you.  Do not talk to him until his time is up.  If he gets out, still don't say a word and take him right back where he belongs.  It is time consuming to do it like this but he will learn that screaming will not get what he wants. Don't add fuel to the fire by screaming back.  It is a lot less stressful in the long run.  It is hard but well worth it.

Answer 15

definetly dont give in. have u ever watched supernanny or nanny 911. she has really good techniques!!! thats what ive done and it helps. try to watch the show..im not saying ur kid is like the kids on the show..but it will give u ideas.

Answer 16

A few different factors could be involved.  Is he getting enough sleep?  In my experience mine would be at their 'crankiest' when they haven't received at least nine hours of sleep.  Aside from that, one technique we had success with was to use an electronic oven timer that we would set and say when this goes off it's time to..... whatever.  Then its not like you are the cause, it's the timer and you can't argue with an electronic timer!  Oh yeah and a BIG piece of advice: Pick your battles.  In the overall scheme of things too long bathing might not be so bad.  Within reason.  And when you absolutely have enforce your will against theirs try a distraction like singing.  In a controlled fashion without anger or shouting start singing their favorite song or reciting a familiar verse.  It's almost impossible to ignore, it and continue without joining in the singing!

Answer 17

usually age 2 is  when they say no alot. Enjoy the fact that he wants to be in the tub. When he start really discovering friends and playing outside and you tell him "time  for bath" he will say "Mom, no, do i have to" Let him play and when he starting pruning , then it's time to get out. When my kids whine,  what happens  depends on my stress level that day or at that time, I either let them continue doing what they want, bath, play, whatever UNdangerous, or I put my foot down and say "NO NOw"  If my kids scream, I tell them to stop or I tell them to go to their room until they can act responsibly.