33 weeks pregnant- help with in laws!!?

Question

Hi everyone,

My in laws are lovely and supportive etc, BUT- they are kind of overbearing and particularly my mother in law. As I draw closer to my due date my stress is increasing at one thing in specific- them finding out I am in labour, or have JUST given birth and turning up at the hospital well before I am ready for guests. I have lost sleep over this because I truly believe that the first day (at least 24 hours) after the birth should be a private time for mummy, daddy and baby to adjust, learn, bond etc and of courser- recover/rest. I feel as though if they turn up before they were told to I will go off my head. They have done this when we don't answer phone on weekends- they keep trying to ring and you'd think that if we didn't answer they'd get the message and never dare just turning up- but oh no such luck- they just think 's***w them" and turn up anyway!!! My husband is SO non confrontational and overly loyal to them- heven when I should be priority. How 2 deal with this!!??

Answer 1

I know how you must be feeling, but with the birth of a baby, everyone wants to see the baby as soon as he/she is born, yeah the mother does need time etc etc. This is what I done when my daughter had her baby (at the hospital), I wasn't mean or anything, I just simply told everyone that there will only be a ten minute visit because she and the baby needed  to rest, and it worked out well, if you or you husband can't bring yourselves to do this, then let your charge nurse know, that you would only like visitors for 10, 15 or however many minutes, but to go off and hurt their feeling would probably hurt them as well as your husband. there is nothing like a good understanding. Good Luck with the baby, I know he/she is a cutie

Answer 2

If you think your husband can't convey the message properly, do it yourself.  Visit them, invite them over (pre-labor) or get together and casually (but clearly) mention that you would like to have a couple of days with the baby before you receive visitors.  Say something like "Please don't take it personally, but we'd really appreciate it if the family can give us a couple of days to adjust with the baby before visiting." And even if they show up right after you give birth, have a room ready where only you and the baby can escape to.  I'm sure if you mention that you don't want people around you when you breastfeed, no one will dare enter that room.  And finally, RELAX.  Sometimes you plan things out and then realize that the perfect plan was just the opposite thing.  You might feel exhausted or you might be in so much pain/discomfort after your birth, that you will want someone around to help out while you get back on your feet.  Anyway, that's my 2 cents.  Good luck!

Answer 3

Tell your husband and your nurses and doctor your wishes.  They won't admit anyone to visit you until you're ready.  Let them know that for the first 24 hours after the birth you'd like it to be just you guys and your baby.  p**s on them if they don't like it.

Answer 4

Grandparents are just as excited as you...just keep that in mind.  I felt the same way but we let our immediate family come see the baby shortly after birth for 20min-30min and then let everyone know we wanted to rest and would call them the next day.  This way they weren't bothering with phone calls but they were able to see baby for a brief time.  Ultimatley it is your baby so decide what is best for you and go for it.

Answer 5

Ah ladies.  We always think we have an in-law problem when we really have a husband problem.

Discuss with your husband how you would like the first 24 hours to pass, and agree on something - even if you have to compromise.

Then, make it clear to him that these are his parents, and he is YOUR husband.  He made his vows, and this is a time when you really, really need him to keep them. Including and especially the one about 'forsaking all others'  and 'cleaving to you'.  All others is parents too, not just other women.

Tell him that as your husband, and in your weakened state, you expect him to protect you.  Then, help him come up with a way to help your in-laws understand that you are your own family now, and while you love them, you have some boundaries you expect them to abide by.

That said, it is a little unreasonable to expect them to not even be told about the arrival of their new grandchild.  They should be called soon after the birth.  Perhaps this is one bit of leverage that can be used.  Extract their agreement that they will stay away until X time has passed, or you won't tell them until you are ready for visitors.

Some people are not in the habit of respecting boundaries, and so must be told more forcefully.  It's too bad, because they often get their feelings hurt and that isn't really the point - the point is you are your own family unit and expect to have your wishes about that respected.

Good luck!  Oh, and even if it's not perfect - it will still be amazing - happy baby!

Answer 6

AHHHHHHHHHH!  Stand your ground girl.  This is your privacy and they should respect it.  You have to have a heart to heart.  You will stop stressin and they should stop dis-respecting

Answer 7

Sounds like a mess. But more before anything, I think you should talk to your mother-in-law, on a mom to mom or woman to woman thing, and explain to her how you're feeling. When they just pop up for no reason and shove themselves down your throat, that it sends your stress through the roof, which is in no way good for you or the baby.

I'm sure you'll find a way to handle it. Good luck, and try to relax! :]