38 Weeks pregnant and all of a sudden I'm terrified about the idea of being a mother...advice anyone?

Question

I'm 21, happily married, we planned the pregnancy, and I was completely ecstatic to be pregnant. Now all of a sudden, I'm terrified! The closer I get to birth, the more terrified I get. I know that being scared and having second thoughts is normal in first time pregnancies, but I didn't think I'd be one of those women because I was soooo happy for most of my pregnancy. I just kept envisioning holding my sweet little baby and nursing her...you know, all the good things that come with being a mother. Now I just can't stop thinking about all the bad things like no sleep, endless crying, no time alone for my husband and I, never being able to just get up and go somewhere whenever I want. Is it terrible of me to be thinking like this? Did anyone else feel this way and how did you cope with it?

Answer 1

Yes, it is normal for you to feel this way. These thoughts are not horrible although I know I had some of them and it made me feel as if it was wrong of me to think about those things, but what really helped me was from about 30 weeks on my husband and I would spend at least one day a week together just me and him with our phones turned off and usually late at night we would take walks around town and just talk about whatever was on our mind or future things that we would get to share together as a family....it was kindof like a closure thing with letting go of the fact that it was no longer just the two of us but it would be the three of us and we had so many wonderful things to look forward to. It made us closer and made me soooo grateful to have created our daughter together and to know that she would be so loved!

I also have to say that YES for the first few months you get no sleep, have endless crying and finding time for you and your hubby will be scarce, but it goes by sooooo fast and it wont last forever. You two just have to talk about things and try to make time for just the two of you to get out and eat or have a little date at least once a month! That is what my husband and I did (after the first 2 months b/c before then i couldnt bare to leave her) but it was really nice to get out and reconnect!! So your feelings will pass evenutally and if you're still having them after the baby comes dont worry, for the first couple of weeks I still felt this way to an extent, but it was a bit overwhelming. It will pass and you will love your little one like nothing else!  

Answer 2

cher you have a rough time ahead but you have to live and learn some times but just dont give up because you can look back after it all and say you did it,it wont be easy but its a good way to appreciate now what your mother went through (and alot of things she would have said growing up you will comprehend when having kids)

Answer 3

everybody gets these fears. what made u trigger them though? you'll forget all about it when you see your own baby for the first time. think about it, seeing your own baby for the first time? you won't know what to feel and then all these feelings come rushing to you and you'll even forget about asking this question!

Answer 4

It is normal to feel like this, in a way its good that you are also thinking of the reality of having a baby and not just the 'fairytale' version of it.  Of course you do go through sleep deprevation, crying etc etc BUT even while you are going through this you would never trade it for not having your baby, it can take a few weeks to adjust and it can be a bit of a shock to the system, especially for a first time mum, but it does get easier and easier.  I remember even while I was going through those difficult first few weeks with my son (first child) I was thinking how I loved him at that stage and didn't want him to get any older, and as he got to each next stage I also thought - I love him at this stage too - its kind of like you grow with your child.  Someone told me after I had my first child that was definatley true - "the first six weeks are hard, the next six are better and then it just gets easier and easier".  When your baby is born all those worries will disappear as you hold him/her in your arms, and you will just deal with situations as they arise and you will get through it - its hard at times but its also wonderful, fun and amazing.  I kind of felt like that more with my second child, my first baby was pretty hard work and was a crier and we had massive sleep deprevation (he was diagnosed as lactose intolerant from massive doses of IV antibiotics that I received when he was a few days old that went through his system and damaged the lining of his intestines (he got better around 12 weeks) we were really scared about number two, but as she was pretty healthy it was amazingly different and so much easier than the first time.  Enjoy the last couple of weeks of your pregnancy, be excited about the impending birth of your baby and know that you will get through the newborn stage, just take it easy on yourself, concentrate on you, your husband and your baby and don't worry about anything else.  All the best.

Answer 5

i didn't plan my pregnancies, but accepted them when it happened.  i was afraid to give birth, to be a mom, all the things you are afraid of.  you aren't a bad person, it's only natural to fear the unknown.  you might not have endless crying, one of mine did, the other didn't.  the time alone for you and your husband will return, just don't let the baby dictate everything you do.  of course you have to care for it, but you don't have to jump every time it cries, you deserve a life of your own, too.  hopefully you'll be able to sleep while the baby sleeps, let other things go, like housework.  it's so easy to get caught up in a trap when the baby naps, you start doing housework.  DON'T!  take a nap when the baby does.  in a few months, get a friend to watch the baby, so you and your husband can go out for dinner or a movie.  or better yet, if you have someone who can take the baby overnight, at your place or at theirs, then you can have a night of peace, quiet, cuddling and sleep, just you and your hubby.  if it has to be babysitting at your place, get an inexpensive hotel room for a night.  you get the drift, i won't write a book, relax, you'll be a great mom.  ^_^  good luck!

Answer 6

It might be pre-partum depression. I had terrible postpartum depression, but I have heard that it is less common but possible to have pre-partum depression right before giving birth. It is caused by your hormones jumping around and trying to balance out. If it gets bad don't be afraid to get some help, as it can get REALLY scary. Your husband really should read up on it if this is the issue. My husband helped me through it...couldn't have gone through it without him.

Congratulations on your expected little one!! Babies are so much fun...your perfect little sweetie will change your life, but don't ever doubt that it is for the better. You will hardly remember life without your baby. :) <3  

Answer 7

You sound like I did before I had my daughter a week ago.  ;)

I am also a first time mother, and a single one at that, so there were and still are a lot of fears.  I'm pretty sure we will have fears about our kids their entire lives.

I highly recommend an epidural!!!  Your birth will be so much easier with one.  When your child is born, you will find yourself head over heels in love with someone you just met.  I am in awe when I look at her and can't believe I made such a beautiful human being that is completely helpless and has the power at one week old to stare into my eyes and make me cry from happiness.

When you start to feel scared, think of those things.  You and your husband will be great parents!  Work together with the baby.  While you both are adjusting from it just being the 2 of you to being parents try to have patience!  My daughter has her days and nights mixed up and im exhausted but It is SOOO worth everything!  When you look at yours and your husbands little creation for the first time, you will forget you were ever worried right now.

Good Luck to you Both!!

Hang in There.

Answer 8

This is fairly normal.

The next 20 years or so are going to have their bad times (sleepless nights, nappy's etc)  But there's also going to be good (a gorgeous child to call your own...)

Well alas sleepless nights are part and parcel - this will pass, at least til they get big enough to go out...

Not all babies cry all the time.  If you are having issues then go to a mother and baby place that deals with crying, sleeping and other such issues...

You and your hubby may need to "book" a date night or two, a babysitter or nanny may have to do but grandparents and even aunts and uncles tend to love baby bubs.

For a little while travel is a bit more difficult.  Have a travel pack in the car with nappies and everything you need and a back pack if you live in a smaller town or easily accessible city.  Keep these stocked so you can grab and run.  

Do some meditation and visual type exercises - so breathing in and out whilst relaxing, visualising a positive outcome / future.

Answer 9

No it's totally normal when me and my girlfriend had a child at first we were both overwhelmed with joy etc... but we started feeling like we would never had a life again but i tell you straight from the heart once my daughter was born i felt a great pride she's the most beautifull, adorable person in the world i love her so much and even if it was true about never haveing a life again for her i woudl sacrafice it! But yes you'll get time a lone and not all babys are screamy. My daughter never has tantams 'cause i made it quite clear that they don't work. And glad to hear it was planned me and my girlfriend where given gods gift when we where 15 but however much abuse i get it's totaly worth it. Just don't worry everything will be fine =D but good luck for the futur.

Answer 10

I'm 9 wks with a planned pregnacy wtih my husband.. my son is 9 to a previous relationship when i was much younger.. i have the same thoughts!!! i'm freakin out too but at the same time i know I'll deal with it when the time comes.

You will too. The crying is not so bad because its YOUR baby..the sleepless nights are not so bad either because you already can't sleep properly at night because your belly is uncomfortable, you may have pains in places when you try to move in bed, you need to pee constantly at night. when the baby comes you will get more sleep then you will in the next couple of weeks. your body is already preparing you for it.

Everyone says that when you see your baby it all comes together, your instincts kick in. And its true...there is nothing in this world like it. You'll be scared at first but then you will not be able to stop looking at her and you'll move heaven and earth to do anything for this tiny little thing that you have only just met. Your b***s will hurt and crack and you will go through the  most excruitiating pain to get her here but you really do forget! there is something built in to your head that lockes out the pain. you will always remember it hurt and its not until the next one comes along that you go ' oh thats right now i remember' but by then its all to late and you got to go through it again lol.

You seem to be dedicated to having your baby.. you are having a momentary laps of confidence in yourself its ok. it will pass.

The time for your husband will take a while but you will see your husband in a much greater light... when you look at him holding your baby you'll be so much more in love with him then ever before and  make sure you let him know how the experience makes you feel. he'll appreciate that you have to spend more time with the baby but also he'll love you all the more for being a good mum.

Getting up and going anywhere again.. it will be a little hard to adjust but you'll be more organised then every before as you'll havea  routine to work around and going out will be something you won't really want to do that much.. but also when you do decide to go out it will be a moment to show off your gorgeous baby. you won't want to go anywhere without her.. also when you leave the house with your husband looking after her you'll feel like you forgot your right arm.. its very hard to walk out without your baby..

You'll be fine.. its not terrible to be thinking the way you are. its your body and mind coming together working through all the little things that were a part of the old you and leading you into being a mother..