'A separate peace' essay...?

Question

topic:

attack or defend the following thesis statement-

With the exception of the differences in the date and culture (including technology, language, fashion, etc), the life of teenager in America during WWII is the same as teh life of a teenager during the War on Terrorism (War in Iraq).

Here's my intro paragraph:

“History doesn’t repeat itself, but it does rhyme.” (Twain) In a sense, the generation of teenagers that lived through World War II, rhymes harmoniously with those living through the War on Terrorism. The scenario is much the same. John Knowles’s novel A Separate Peace centers in on the teenage protagonist, Gene Forrester, as he tries to attain and maintain his own separate peace while WWII rages in Europe. In the very similarity that both generations lived through war, are collasal differences.

it's really raw. not edited at all. but any advice? ideas?

if you couldn't tell by the paragraph, i'm attacking the statement.

thanks in advance =]

ps: did i cite the quote right?

thanks in advance :)

Answer 1

It sounded really good when i first read it but now that i read it again, it sounds really cheesy and does not really answer the question at all.  You have to give more examples to why there are differences.  For example, back then, kids at a certain age were drafted off into war.  Our time is completely different.

Answer 2

Personally, I think that the strong undercurrent of deep individual fear in A Separate Peace is absent in American teens these days. The war (actually, there are two) is practically invisible unless you go looking for it, and I talked to some kids who had no clue what the Taliban is. The greatest worry in most teenager's minds today is whether they're getting good grades.

Anyway, the second sentence is a little awkward, (I think it's the comma after WWII), and you should add "However," to the beginning of the last one.