THE TWO LAST GIFTS OF CREATION
Seems God was just about done creating the universe, but he had two extra things left in his bag of creations, so he decided to split them between Adam and Eve. He told the couple that one of the things he had to give away was the ability to stand up while urinating.
"It's a very handy thing," God told the couple, who he found under an apple tree. "I was wondering if either one of you wanted that ability."
Before God had a chance to explain any further, Adam jumped up and blurted, "Oh, give that to me! I'd love to, please, oh please, oh please, let me have that ability, It'd be so great! When I'm working in the garden or naming the animals. I could just stand there and let it fly. It'd be so cool, I could write my name in the sand. Oh please God, let it be me who you give that gift to, let me stand and pee, oh please..." Adam went on and on like an excited little boy who had to pee.
Eve just smiled and told God that if Adam really wanted that so badly, that he should have it. It seemed to be the sort of thing that would make him happy and she really wouldn't mind if Adam were the one given this ability.
And so Adam was given the ability to control the direction of his misdirection while in a vertical position. And so, he was happy and did celebrate by wetting down the bark on the tree nearest him, laughing with delight all the while. And it was good.
"Fine," God said, looking back into his bag of leftover gifts, "What's left here? Oh yes, Multiple orgasms..."
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Meeting the Pope
A rich tourist was holidaying in Rome, and was intent on seeing the Pope. There he stood, in a big long line with a rather expensive suit on, hoping the Pope would notice how smart he was and perhaps talk a few words with him.
As the Pope made his way slowly down the line, he walked right past the snob, hardly even noticing him.
The Pope then stopped next to a low-life sot, leaned over and whispered something in the sot's ear, and made his way on again.
This really angered the tourist. After speaking with the drunkard, he agreed to pay $1000 dollars to exchange clothing, in the hope that the Pope would speak to him the next day.
The next morning the snob stood in the line, waiting to see the Pope and hopefully exchange a few words. The Pope was making his way slowly up to the, now, dishevelled looking tourist. When he finally reached him, he leaned over and spoke softly into his ear..
"I thought I told you yesterday to get the f*** out of here."
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