'Traditional' women, have you ever had to 'fend for yourselves'?

Question

Enlightenment - traditionally in Western society women have passed from their father's care to that of their husband's. This happens in many other cultures too. I am interested to hear if such 'traditional' women have ever had to fend for themselves and how they found such experiences.

Answer 1

well not unless something went wrong like a divorce.

Traditional women, go from parents home to husbands home.

they need to be supported at all times.  

Answer 2

Yes you little feminist tramp !

I worked while in high school and worked my way through college and prior to starting a family.

There was a period of time ,close to a year that I went back to work while my husband recovered from a serious injury.

Are you so out of touch with reality to believe only feminists can be educated and hold a job .

Answer 3

Yes.

And I still am 'fending' for myself. I usually make more money than the men I date and I'm not looking for someone who makes more.

Usually the men who are willing to provide for me despite the fact that I make more than them are more respectful and treat me better than the ones outside of that mindset. A man willing to provide displays an attitude that he will be there for me if need be and that's attractive.

Answer 4

I worked for ten years between leaving school and giving it up to have my first child.  I then worked for another two years when my husband and I were divorced.

However, I was only actually on my own for four years of that time, one year between moving out of my parents house into my own flat and getting married, and the three years I was on my own after I got divorced.

My experience of 'independent' life was okay during the year I was living on my own, but I was quite happy to give it up to get married.  And during the three years I was divorced I was worrying more and more about my son and whether he was happy.  The first year was okay as the woman who looked after him came to my husband's house and looked after him there, but she had to give it up because she was having a second baby and was having health problems, and we had to find him another minder who looked after him in her house rather than his, and he wasn't nearly so happy. I became more and more convinced that he wasn't happy at all.  I remember one day in particular I went to the minder's house to pick him up after work, and the other little boy she looked after came tearing down the stairs, his face alight with eager hope because he thought it was his mother, and when he saw me his poor little face dropped with disappointement, and it made me feel terribly depressed.  The poor child wanted to be with his mother, not with a minder.

So I gave up my job and went back to looking after my son.  My ex-husband paid me what he was paying the minder, and I was able to live on that (she wasn't cheap).  And a year later my husband and I got back together again and have been together ever since. And I was happy being at home with my child. The h**l with independence, I think it's overrated.

Also, in western society, it has always been 'traditional' for single women to have to earn a living, and many married women too.   They might not have been 'independent' in the sense of living on their own, but they were certainly expected to contribute to the family economically.

Answer 5

i love a strong minded woman.

Answer 6

Good question though no good answers. I would answer but im just 12 and have absolutely no intensions on being traditional.

For those who dont no wht a traditional woman is, a traditional woman is someone who doesn't provide the income (the husband does) and stays at home to look after the children, cook and clean.

Answer 7

Of course. You won't get anywhere on somebody elses back.

Answer 8

There are lots of different traditions that involve women. I don't quite know what you mean by 'traditional' women. I fend for myself all the time!

Answer 9

Yes. I left home at 18 to go to university, and I currently live alone and support myself financially. When I get married, I plan to be a housewife and SAHM, which will mean that my husband will be the breadwinner and provider. Traditional couples have complementary rather than unequal roles; earning an income and looking after the home and children are both jobs that need to be done. Why would I do it? Because I'd enjoy it. I've always wanted to have children and to be a homemaker, so by being a traditional wife I'm being true to myself. If I was a career woman all my life, I'd be more oppressed than if I was a housewife. Different women want different things; you may not understand why anyone would want to be traditional, but it's a choice that many women happily make.  

Answer 10

Wow Rose!  For someone whose whole ideology is against stereotypes you sure have no problem issuing them.  Do I smell hypocrisy?

Answer 11

What a question,all women fend for themselves,when the going gets tough the tough gets going,Auto drive takes over.

Answer 12

not completely, i'm 16

i don't live with my parents anymore though

but i still depend on them

Answer 13

"traditionally in Western society women have passed from their father's care to that of their husband's."

Precisely.  And I know for a fact that this older generation of women born before WWII had a really tough time on their own when their husbands died.  On the other hand, their husbands invariably were unionized blue-collar workers and because of that, these women had benefits that younger women - in this era of non-unionization - can't look forward to.  I am friends with the daughter of one woman who came into loads of money when her husband died, and squandered almost everything because she had no experience dealing with money matters. These women were "protected" from finances by their husbands, and this is the result.

Answer 14

i was brought up in the traditional manner, in a very strict church.  My mother for example, thought I didn't need an education, refused to teach me how to drive, etc etc.  I was expected to make a good marriage and be a submissive wife, thereby guaranteeing he would stay with me.

It failed in that my husband walked out on me, leaving me with two small children.  I was a single mother for seven years, in which time I took care of myself.

I married again, but this time around, although I  became a stay at home mother, it was from the viewpoint that I felt it best for our children.  Does my husband provide from me?  I suppose he does, but I prefer to think of it as "supporting his family".  I do work now, part time, but again, my priority is our children.  I didn't have children for someone else to bring them up -  that is my responsibility, and one which I am not prepared to share unless it was absolutely necessary.

In a relationship you don't have an independent life, your family come first.  And this is something we both agree on.

I am afraid I am not a submissive wife.  But I am a loving one.

Answer 15

The women who long for the traditional roles that I have know, have no problem "fending for themselves" but then, I am attracted to strong personalities .Obviously there are females out there who would find it difficult to fend for themselves but they are a minority, its a little small minded to imagine that a woman who wants a traditional role can't "fend for herself".  It is not as cut an dry as many of you girls believe it to be.

"Independence". This is an illusion, we navigate the safest, most user friendly society in history. I depend on the system and so do you.

"Independence", picture this, a human spends their life being "independent", there is no spouse or children, this person grows old and becomes dependant on medical professionals, in a home, in a hospital. There is another person who has been "dependant", there is a spouse, children and grandchildren.

Which one of the two is the most "independent" later in life?

An "independent" person depends, on what? many things, the system, were the system to fail, which it could, the illusion of Independence would be shattered and we would be reaching out to one another. not just as men and women, as humans, together.

Tell me this, on what do you depend, what does your perceived "independence" depend on, which systems?

The systems you have chosen, are they created and maintained by men?

(this is not meant in that, "look men invented everything way"!)

Have you ever had to truly "fend for yourself"?

Answer 16

Sooner or later, everyone will have to face "fending for ourselves" whether its on a small level when we are young, or losing a spouse or relationship later in life.  We need to be prepared for that time and understand that it can and does happen.  Many will answer that they will not have to face this, but as a person with a lifetime of experience, I promise you that it does happen.  The question should be, are you prepared to be able to fend for youself.

EDIT...please read what Patois has written, this is a beautifully written and heartfelt example.  I love the analogy of the spiders Pat.  Kudos to you.

Answer 17

I farmed alongside my husband in a very traditional marriage, started businesses of my own, belonged to professional organizations, raised children, hogs and strawberries and thought I was self-sufficient even though I had never lived without either my father or my husband.  When I divorced, I almost floundered without a man assuming roles and responsibilities that I took for granted that "someone" else took care of, like, did you know you have to have stuff like vehical tags and auto insurance?  : )   And, what the heck was this business of income taxes?  lol.  It was an enormous struggle for me to learn the basics of financial competence, an area of adulthood I had never had to do.  Also, there was the spider issue.  It was humbling to learn that first night alone in my new apartment after I left my husband that I would forevermore have to remove the spiders from my own life.

Answer 18

I have an aunt who was a housewife right out of high school with her first marriage, which ended in divorce.

Her second husband was regaling me with tales last time I visited them in Northern California about what she was like when he first met her. He told me she didn't understand that you had to put money in the checking account first in order to be able to write checks.

She re-married quickly because she had to. She could not have survived in the real world (she had two young daughters after her first divorce).

Interestingly enough, my two grandmothers (born 1907 and 1912) were far more independent than women who came of age in the 50s and 60s. I think successfully bringing a family of young children through the Great Depression made them tough and street-smart out of necessity.