3yo tantrums rage freaking out help

Question

3yo freaking out big style for about 40mins a day (2 to 3 times a day) over smallest of things. I know it might be normal but in comparison to all the other toddlers she just leaves them standing. I mean rage is bad - screaming, arching back while throwing out legs, almost like a fit - or fit of rage.

Is this normal and can anyone recomend some guidance to help her out. Stressful enough for us but more stressful when unsure of how to react. Naughty step is not a good idea - as anger is due to frustration rather than being naughty. Intervention is also a bad idea you can forget distraction.

Some ideas would be cool

Answer 1

I think you are definitely on to something. It sounds like a developmental thing to me. My son has PDD-NOS and at 12 years old he still has violent rages when he gets upset and frustrated. being overtired does not make things any easier. All the beatings in the world cannot change the way this child deals with his anger and frustration. If she cannot verbalize what she wants/ needs then this could be the root of the problem...my youngest son had horrible fits til he learned sign language to bridge the gap.

because of her age I would contact the local elementary school when school starts and ask to have her evaluated. they may not be able to diagnose her with any disorder, but they can give you an idea of what could be wrong and put you in touch with the proper professionals to help her. she may even qualify for special ed preschool and get therapy there ( and you would get a break). feel free to email me for further questions and support

Answer 2

I feel your pain! I have a 31/2 yr old boy that does thing very similar... and he gets indeed very frustrated with this times-out as well.

What I do is putting him in room, leave him there, sometimes before talking to him about the behaviour, he needs to calm down. If her rage is bad, you should try and place in a place where she cant hurt herself or others. When things get out of control at home-last resort- we place him in the car in his carseat, strapped in. We of course, one of us, stays either in the car or near it (outside driveway) to watch him, when he asks to come out, we just tell him to calm down first.. and he usually does.

The carseat was a last resort thing we found that works for us. Not ideal... but he is SAFE there, he can kick and scream he wont get hurt and moreover we dont get so worked up with him. Once he's done, he comes back and see if he can behave...

This is what we do with our son, not sure if it helps, I should be posting a similar question here!

Ohh another thing that really helped keep his tantrums to a minimum is to get a sticker chart! I made a chart with everything-and I mean everything he needs to do during the day to function. Eg-morning-use bathroom -have breakfast (good behaviour)get dressed -he's in daycare the rest of the day.. so it resumes again in the evening... washing hands b4 dinner etc..for that he gets a sticker!! We put the poster board in his room, when he starts complaining we remind him about his stickers, and we count all the ones he's got.. there're many in a good day so it always encourages him!

Good Luck!!

Answer 3

As a counselor, I have experience in working on parenting and child behavior issues.  This does sound extreme for a tantrum.  It may be a sign of something else, especially if you say the anger is due to frustration over anything.  Stress tolerance seems very low.  I would really advise you to have your child evaluated by a specialist to rule out any physical, mental health, or developmental issues.  That way, you know exactly what you are dealing with and what the next course of action should be.

Answer 4

how do you know it is frustration and not being naughty?if you think it is frustation than remove whatever is frustrating her. it accually sounds like she is being naughty.my daughter does this too it's just the age and we have to deal with it even though it is hard.

Answer 5

You said the anger is out of frustration.  Are the child's speech and language skills up to par for her age?  If consistent discipline (same response to misbehavior every time) is not working, it may be time to bring it up to the child's pediatrician.  It could very well be nothing to worry about, but it's better to be safe than sorry.  If your child needs help from a specialist, it's best to get it ASAP.  Good luck.

Answer 6

You ignore it

I don't believe tantrums are a normal stage.  I know it's common, but I don't think it's normal.

Answer 7

In this type of situation your best bet is prevention. Learn what makes her tick and what sets her off. Approach situations in a different way. If you telling her to clean up sets her off find a creative way to get her to clean up without having the tantrum. If taking something away sets her off then  again be creative, find something to give her to replace what you are taking so it's not like she is left with nothing.

I'm not telling you to cater to her or give her what she wants to prevent a tatrum, but rather to find creative ways to avoid them. If you could give some specific things that set her off I could offer more specific ideas.

Make sure you also have a set routine/schedule. This helps kids who tantrum easy because they always know what's coming next and what to expect. Give little warnings ahead when you will be leaving soon so it's not like you just rip them out of playing to leave setting off a tantrum.

If a tantrum does break out the best thing to do is not give in. If she is having a fit becaue she can;t get what she wants for example she can't have a cookie, then let her have her fit and ignore it until she is done. As long as you don't give in to the tantrum that is the key. Giving in makes them think the tantrum works and they will do it worse and get louder each time.

EDIT: I can't predict the future either but I've always been able to predict a child's behavior based on past experience. It's not that hard, you just have to know your child well and know how they react in different situations. I think it's sad that you can't even predict your child's behavior. I have done childcare for years and can even predict what other kids will do in certain situations based on their personality and just knowing the child. Kids are not that hard to figure out. Maybe you should take a parenting class or seek help from a counselor.

I mean what is the point on coming on here to ask for help if no matter what anyone says you will shoot down and say "nope nothing works"