4 1/2 Yr Old Step Daughter NOT Potty Trained?

Question

My 4 1/2 Yr Old step daughter is NOT potty trained and I do not know what to do.. She lives primarily with her dare I say Mother and we only get her a few times a year... Let me say I do not have a problem changing dirty diapers.. BUT THERE IS AN AGE LIMIT HERE PEOPLE! COME ON! Please anyone.. Tell me what to do.. I have tried everything from "Nice Undies" to Bribery to EVERYTHING.. Please help if you can!

Answer 1

If you only have here a few times a year there isn't anything you can do for her as this will take time and consistency.  

You need to contact child welfare and report the mother.  She needs parenting classes.  The little girl needs a new mother.

Answer 2

Having worked in a day care for a very long time, this sounds like it may be a situation where she has no control over too many things and this is one thing she does control. Let her clean herself up. Give her the wash cloth to clean herself off with,  give her a bucket of water with soap in it and let her wash her underwear that she soils, her pants. Have her then squeeze it out and then have her put it in the wash machine, and pour the dirty water down the toilet. Do this each time she messes. She will get sick of it, she will probably cry. Let her. Get the child to a counselor if there is no medical problem like you said.( Be careful, maybe get another opinion. My niece had to have her urethra stretched, this was difficult to detect.) Please, please. Try not to shame her, just make her responsible for her actions. Some kids are really just very immature but this is just plain not o. k.

Answer 3

Being that you have her the least amount of time I can honestly say that potty training will not work unless the person who has her the most wants to make this happen.. or the child herself is extremely motivated to make this happen.

Here is the potty training in a day protocol

http://drphil.com/articles/article/264/

I know it works I have used it, but although the bulk of the training happens in one day the schedules and follow-up are important to maintain the gains until it becomes more second nature.

Answer 4

I have a 4 1/2 year old son.  I have been a stay at home mom for his entire life.  I also have 2 children older than him, and one younger.  He is not potty trained.  Sometimes it just become a matter of the child choosing to make this step forward.  I too have tried everything I've ever read or been advised.  Remember that her young life must be very difficult and what she needs is love and support.  You can only do so much, make sure what you do is positive.

Answer 5

I can sense some negative vibes towards the mother. For whatever reason you have these feelings it is not going to help your granddaughter in more ways than just potty training. Your feelings may well be justified but when there is a child involved they must come first and we must be the grown ups whether we like it or not. There may be many  reasons why she is not potty trained. Is she developing normally in other ways such as speech and understanding of language. The person who looks after her mostly is presumably her mother, so it is the mother we need to help and support here. If she is struggling with this be supportive and suggest she seeks the help of a continence nurse. They will come into the home and be able to sort out whatever problems that can be causing this. I hope this helps, good luck.

Answer 6

Try putting her on the potty as soon as she acts like she has to go. Buy a book she can read on the crapper. Sit there and sing songs to her. Also, see a child physiologist. There maybe an underlying issue the MD can't detect.

Answer 7

Please check with her pediatrician.   There may be a medical reason.  The doctor will guide you!

Answer 8

I agree there is a limit unless the child is physically disabled or has some mental incapacities.  I would sit down as a family unit, and come to an agreement on how to approach the issue of potty training her.  It is very important to have consistancy at both homes and in any preschool/daycare setting.  That alone can resolve the issue.  

My guess is the if this is the youngest child or only child for the mother, it is allowing her to keep the daughter her "baby" and may even be the reason she isn't potty trained right now.  It is a bit milestone for parents and allows the child more independence and some people have difficulty with that.

Her physician may even have some helpful tips to get you where you want to be with this issue.

Answer 9

sounds like her "mother" is being neglectful. You will have to do her job for her and try to train her yourself. Ask the pediatrician how to potty train her. Good luck to you now and in the future.

Answer 10

Sometimes the attention a child gets while a parent is changing a child's diaper might be the only time a parent actually pays attention to them. Some children don't want to be potty trained for fear of losing that little bit of time with their parent.

Answer 11

When she is with you try having her sit on the potty at least every 2 hours, especially when she first gets up or is about to do an activity that might distract her for a long period of time.  Have her sit there until she goes and then give her lots of praise when she does.  Have some interesting toy or book that she only gets to look at or play with while she is in the bathroom, you can also use a rewards system (kind of like bribery) but buy something that she really likes first and put it in a place where she can see it but can't get to it.  Set a goal like peeing in the potty 4 times and then she gets the toy.  

If you have her in the summer take her outside where nothing is going to get ruined and let her run around in just underwear, have a toilet seat (if she still fits) or a plan that she can get to the toilet easily.  If she wets or poops herself outside then have her help clean herself and her underwear up, this may be enough to show her that being wet isn't comfortable.  Many diapers and training pants pull moisture away from the skin and can actually make kids feel warmer when they wet themselves, in underwear or clothes it does't feel the same.  Having to be in wet or dirty underwear and cleaning it up herself may motivate her to learn to know when she needs to go.  

You can also watch for signs during this that can tell you when she is about to go like dancing around or squatting or squirming.  These can help tell you when she needs to go and you can put her on the toilet, by doing this she will also learn how her body feels when she needs to go.

If all else fails you can tell her that she needs to be potty trained in order to go to school.  Most places require their kindergarteners to be toilet trained and staying home while her friends go to school might help her realize that this is something she needs to do.

Let her pick her own undies out and then if she wets them she will be disappointed that she can't wear that pair, it may help her get to the bathroom.  Don't get mad at accidents, just help her clean them up (but don't do it for her) and remind her that she needs to think about going on the potty.  

Hopefully some of these will help you, but if she isn't with you all that often they might not get reinforced.  If something seems to work a little bit maybe sharing it with her mother will help the mother see that something needs to be done.

Answer 12

sounds like a power struggle going on here.why don't you just ignore it for a little longer.pretend it does'nt bother you.what you should try is having her clean up her own mess.i agree with you.enough is enough.and where is her father?why is he allowing you to take on HIS  responsibility?

Answer 13

Oh my gosh that is  SICK!!!! My daughter potty trained herself at less than 2! I don't blame you about the messy p**p! YUK!

I would say at that age, you've passed the point of the potty dolls and any interest! It's not a point of motivation but lack of control. Does she control her mommy? Does she get her own way for everything? What the heck does she use DEPENDS? What diaper is that big?

I have a niece who wont go potty. She holds her pee forever! When she was here for the summer , we got out charts for big girl helpers. Everything from setting the table, buckling your seatbelt and on hers I put GOING POTTY! She's also mean to her twin brother and sister so when SANTA said be nice to your brother and sister, girl her whole attitude changed overnight! Take a trip to the education store, get a chart and some nice flashy stickers to motivate her. IF that doesnt work, GO FIND SANTA!! lol

Good luck with that! Sounds like mom is too lazy to bother with her or not encouraging her enough to try.