4 y/o- Advice on teaching her to help clean up. Is this just a phase?

Question

My 4 y/o is normally really good about helping mama out. Normally I just tell her in a positive/happy tone that she's my little helper & she's excited to help me do small chores.

Lately, not so much!

Her room is a mess!!!

She refuses to clean it -not that I asked, but she seems to think it was a question when I TOLD her to clean it.

She brings every toy she owns downstairs and then throws a tantrum when it's time to take them back upstairs -or "demands" that I help her.

I'm a single parent so it's not like she has siblings that helped creat the mess.. She did it all on her own so I feel she should clean it up all on her own.

I

What I'm asking of you -parents- is some advice on what to do & say to ensure my child doesn't grow up thinking that she's a true princess & doesn't have to lift a finger!

Let me also input that I am strict. I do enforce rules but sometimes.. I just get tired of telling her "..listen to mama" then it turns into "LISTEN TO MAMA grrr!!!"

Answer 1

you need to show her that she is in charge let her know if things are not cleaned up by a cretain tim ethey will go in teh garbage and stick with it.  She will start to put things away when she is done.

Answer 2

all children test the boundaries at some point

and its how you deal with it depicts how she behaves from now on

your little girl is asserting herself and this is normal, and you have done all the right things up till now, so you have a good foundation,

difficult though it is, you have to keep cool

and explain the repercussions of what happens if she doesnt help clean up/tidy away her own things

ie, ! if you dont tidy away your dolly & her clothes you may loose them" "if you dont put away your pencils and drawings they may get spoiled, or you may step on one and hurt your foot" things like that

if she doesnt tidy away the dolly, take the dolly and hide it, and let her think its missing, even if she gets upset, let her feel the consequences

this will teach her how it feels and help her understand

also impliment a reward system, a 4 year old should be helping doing small jobs, but they are not old enough to derive satisfaction from a tidy home, so give her incentives, a star chart in the kitchen, and a colour star for each chore, and make the chart together,

when she has say 10 blue stars for cleaning up her room, she gets a reward that you have agreed in advance

things like that usually work

i'm smiling at your little miss, she is starting out young, you are raising what will be a strong assertive woman one day, good for you

Answer 3

Although taking charge may be useful at times, you can also try making a game out of cleaning up - saying you'll race her and whoever wins gets a prize or treat. If you do this, do not do it every time, otherwise she will associate cleaning with reward. If you teach her that intrinsic awards are valuable too, she will be cleaning everything before you know it.

Answer 4

My four year old is also allergic to cleaning up... she also plays with all of her toys one by one and everything ends up in a big ol' pile.  We have 3 other children (2 older)... and the older ones also went through the same thing at some point, and even now (7 yrs and 5 yrs.) sometimes.  I believe it's a phase... I don't know that it's all about the child trying to do nothing while making mama do everything. ( I think we, as parents, put that twist on children's behavior) But, I do think she is testing boundries... she's 4 and learning that she has a mind of her own.  

You have to choose your battles and let her think for herself.  When she has a mess she won't clean up, take a look at it... is it too much for her to do all by herself?  I know my 4 year old is usually overhwhelmed by the shear magnitude of the messes she makes, and just could NOT clean it up properly.  Those times, I organize the toys in piles (books, legos, Webkinz... since, I guess, the Webkinz had a home made out of EVERY lego in the house, and their mommy had to read them 5050 books!!!) and she must clean them up/put them away before ANYTHING else happens... which could suddenly be a cookie and milk once she's done.

This usually does the trick for me... and even though some people might see it as bribery, I don't have to holler (and I totally know what you mean about the mommy monster coming out... don't worry she visits all of our houses sometimes!) and the job gets done.  If she just CANT finish it, then I eat the cookie and drink the milk, and she will have to do it tomorrow for no cookies and milk, and won't be able to play with anything else until it's done!

I did the same thing with the other big kids, and they are not spoiled brats (usually! :) ) They are really helpful now, and only have trouble cleaning up when the mess is too big.  I still help them a little, but they do most of the work!

Good Luck... just wait till she's 7 and gets a smart mouth... save the hollering until then!!! :)

Answer 5

You should try the positive things first; for example, making cleaning up into a game. As another poster suggested, you could try "racing" to clean up the room. This might make it fun for her.

If you run out of positive ideas and the room still doesn't get cleaned up, you should take a more extreme measure. If the room gets intolerably messy, say, "Your room is very messy. If you don't have all of your toys and clothes picked up and put away by 3:00, I'm going to take some of your stuff away." And then you need to follow through. If she picks up the clothes and puts away the toys, great! If not, come into the room at the designated time with a big garbage bag; pick up everything that isn't in its proper place, put in the bag, then donate the bag to charity. Make sure she sees you do this; chances are losing her favorite toys will motivate her to shape up.