4 year old NOT adjusting to new baby, any tips?

Question

My 4 year old son is very angry about the birth of my daughter. He is verbally delayed, so he has a hard time conveying his frustrations, and as of lately has been constantly throwing temper tantrums. He gets up at 7 am, and is in full force temper tantrum by 7:30, this continues until 11 when he goes to preschool. He returns from school at 3, and by 3:20 he is flipping ot again. He throws things, destroys books, hits kicks and screams. It is heart wrenching. He was such a happy and loving (and I will admit spoiled) little boy until his sister came home from the hospital 3 weeks ago. The hard part is that my hands can be completely full feeding her, or changing her diaper, and he will rush up to his room and rip a poster off of the wall. I have tried time outs, but frankly if that route continues he will be in time out around the clock. I have tried giving him a little extra attention, but he it only works out for a minute. Has anybody else had this? And how did you cope? Any tips? My heart is breaking because my boy is so upset and we have no idea how to make him feel better

Answer 1

maybe you could try to get him involved with helping out with the baby and saying oh wow your sucha good big brother?

say oh look your little sister loves you and cant wait to play with you

my sister hated me when i was born 5 years older! she was just jealous!

i hope it works out im sure once he gets used to the idea of a new baby he will be ok

congratulations xx

Answer 2

Have a lot of patience!  Of course, he feels like his nose has been cut off, and especially since he's spoiled.  You could tell him you need his help in feeding her or changing her or singing a song or talking to her, or giving her a bath -- anything you think he could help with.  After all, he's the big brother.

Answer 3

I do agree with the others saying to get him involved, it might be hard because he feels he has been replaced. I know that we don't see it that way but put yourself in his shoes. Just think of your hubby coming home one day and saying, "Hey, hun, I found this really great woman and she's going to be staying with us from now." I know I would kick my hubby's butt right out the door. (A nurse at the hospital explained it to us like this before we left with our son.)

What I do when my daughter throws a temper tantrum is to ignore it, I know it's hard when they're kicking and screaming but just walk away. Temper tantrums are just a way of getting your attention and if you ignore this behavior he'll eventually learn that you don't pay attention to this kind of attention getting. Only do time outs when he does something bad.

I know that your tired, believe me I am too, but when your daughter is sleeping, ignore laundry, dishes, and cleaning, and spend the time with your son. Bring the monitor and go play with him outside, or read books, or play with blocks, or whatever you two used to do before the baby came.

Maybe suggest the both of you read to your daughter or sing. I hope this helps. Good luck and congratulations!

Answer 4

I would keep him home from preschool for a few months. He's feeling replaced and he needs to be near you when all these changes are happening.

Babys sleep so much in the newborn stage. I would make sure I met all the baby's immediate needs, with my little boy helping me! 4yo's can be very helpful with fetching nappies, singing tunes to baby, picking out baby outfits in morning, rubbing cream for baby massage etc.etc. These are opportunities for praise and encouragement. Talk to the boy whilst doing things for bub. It doesn't matter to bub that you're not talking to her - she'll like the sound of your voice. Ask your boy what he thinks ie: "do you think the baby's hungry? What do you think I should do?" This will also help with his speech.

Also, when bub's asleep I would be doing activities with the boy that are totally unrelated to baby stuff. Painting, making playdough, making cupcakes, making tracks in dirt/sandpit are good ones. Boys that age love to make things - and the things you make will occupy him when you have to duck in to feed bub. He will feel happy playing with these things without you because you helped make them. It's about you still showing him he's valued for his time.

I know it's hard, but keep it positive. Don't anticipate bad behaviour. Reward good behaviour until it becomes a habit. Don't worry if it feels like a bribe - it will help in the long run.

You need to get in his headspace - stop thinking of yourself and the baby. The baby's fine, and you're a grownup (you can take it). Your boy's little and scared and hates change.

Routine and order create feelings of security. Talk and talk to him.

Answer 5

Have you tried letting him help with the baby. Let him help feed her and help change her. I have a 4 yr old and im 17 weeks with #2. He seems so excited right now. I have heard from lots if people to make sure he is included with the baby. Did he always go to school or just since you had her? Is she going straight to daycare aswell? If you are planing to stay home with her then let him stay too so he doesnt feel as if he is being pushed aside. Good luck sweety I hope it gets better soon.

Answer 6

yea...what you need to do is involve your son and have him "help" with his baby sister...

my oldest daughter was 3 when i brought her sister home and what i did was sit her down beside me when i was feeding her sister, i let her hold the bottle sometimes, when i changed her sisters clothes or diapers i had her help by putting powder on her and throwing the diaper away (if she would)...

the main thing is have your son think that hes doing alot by helping you...

when your daughter is a little older...lay her on your sons lap when hes sitting on the couch beside of you...

my daughters got along good growing up..