4 year old and No Smoking Education?

Question

We live in an apartment complex and my son, who is 4, and his little girlfriend (the next door neighbor) were outside playing. My son approaches me with a cigarette butt and asks for a lighter. I immediately told him to put it down and said "You do not smoke! Smoking is yucky and it will make you very sick." His reply was that only grown ups can smoke, I said yes, that grown ups can smoke but it is not good for them. It will make them very sick too. Not even thinking about the fact that the little girl was standing there taking all of this in. No one in my family smokes and EVERYONE (Mom, Dad, grandparents and aunts and uncles that I've met)in this little girls family does. So she says to me... but my mommy and daddy smoke. I immediately start to back pedal and say, well... they do but it's not very good for them. And just told them to go play. The neighbor mom (who I'm friendly with) stops me the other day and tells me her daughter told her about the conversation and I acknowledged what I had said. She just smiled. Now my son won't stop talking about "Cindy's" mom and dad smoking and when will they get sick? I'm not sure how to handle this because my son is good friends with the little girl and I don't want to upset anyone, but I also don't want to compromise the no smoking education I'm giving my son. Any suggestions?

Answer 1

Teaching your son that smoking is dangerous is far more important than how this other family feels about the conversation. I'd just tell your son that you don't know when the parents will get sick - that it might not be for a very long time. Hopefully he'll just eventually stop asking that particular question. :) You might also tell him that his friend gets worried when he talks about this, so that he should only ask if she and her family aren't around... and then you'll be more than happy to talk to him about his concerns. Good luck.