5 year old doesn't want to go to school?

Question

My "step-son" is 5 and he starts kindergarten this fall. He was in pre-school three days a week last year and hated it! We think a lot if it stemmed from his mom dropping him off and the his dad picking him up... so we started going by whoever dropped him off picked him up. Everyday he had school he would say he didn't want to go, he hated it... stuff like that. Now he is going into kindergarten and here they have it all day. I am worred that he is going start off on the wrong foot. My BF and I are already concerned becasue he is going to be bored. He is already reading books by himself and can do simple math- pretty advanced for his age and we have been told the achool he is going to isn't very good with advacned kids- something about the "No Child Left Behind." Any advice for us as parents to hype him up for school and change his attitude towards it and how to survive this upcoming school year?

Answer 1

It never ceases to amaze me how many people think their child is advanced.  Things are different now than they used to be.  Reading books and doing math are not out of the ordinary for Kindergarteners.  There will always be a mix of kids in any classroom.  Some will have been reading for a year, others won't know the alphabet.  Teachers are trained to work with all types of kids.  His problems probably have very little to do with school and a whole lot to do with the fact that his parents aren't together.  Even when parents do the best they can, and get along after a split, it still affects the child a great deal.  They can become insecure in all environments (including school) and don't feel safe when dropped off.  I would suggest focusing on this, not his academic achievement.   I think his insecurities (which have been labeled as hating school) have to do with his home life, not his high academic abilities.  Once he feels his world is safe and he knows what to expect from the adults around him, I bet he will look forward to going to school.

*** Yes, Mamay, I am a professional.  I'm a licensed clinical therapist with experience working with families and divorce.   Often, the parents (in your case, parental figure) are the last ones to recognize the effects of divorce on young children.  You're assuming that he doesn't like school, when in reality he doesn't feel secure being away from home.  You'd be smart to spend time addressing this issue, rather than worrying about him being too smart for kindergarten.

Answer 2

Try giving him an ultimatum for going to school.  Tell him that everyday when he gets home, he gets something special or you will go to do something with him.  Giving him little rewards might help him to want to go to school and try hard.  If he really is advanced, try finding a school that meets his needs or talk to a school counselor about his needs.  Maybe they can give him different worksheets or somehow keep him from being bored.  If after a while of going to school he is still bored, you might have to consider taking him out to home school for a year and then start him again in first grade when the other children are closer to his level.  Good luck :-)

Answer 3

Tell your "step-son" the cool things he can be when he grows up if he goes to school. "Honey? Would you like to walk on the moon to see aliens?"

Become involved in his school. He'd feel better about it that way. When mommy's by your side, nothing can go wrong!

Pack him lunch. The one thing I didn't like about school was their horrible lunches...

And praise him when he does good. A toy car for a good grade? Sounds like a fair trade. Two dollars well spent if you ask me!!!

Answer 4

He doesn't want to go like all 3 to 6 year old he's scared and thinks the worst because you or his father are not there and have you ever seen that when you leave him alone or something with the baby sitter he's really scared so try to tell him that he can't be scared that you and his dad are OK but i need to warn you that the fist month of school is going to be very rough he'll say that hes sick or cry when you leave him there don't pick him up after he cry's he'll find a friend and play with him so don't worry. OK?

GOOD LUCK!!!!!!!!

Answer 5

AWWWW that always makes it hard when they are not excited.

YOu can try taking him and letting him do his school supplies and shoes and clothes shopping, and let him pick it all, this gets them excited. Also most school will have a kindergarden orientation where the cild can go in and meet the teacher, pick a seat, ect. chances are there will be other kids there at the same time that your child will hit it off with.

Let the school know he's scared they are trained to deal with this, they usually have tricks up there sleeves to help in these circumstances, because bottom line he's gotta go, it's not a choice so he has to learn to make the best of it.

You said he's advanced thats great, he must like school somewhat, I mean he's learned while he's been there, so once he's there he must chill out and relax. Just be consistant don't give in make him go everyday, once he knows he's not going to win the battle, it'll get better. But be prepared for tears from him as well as you guys as parents, I cried when my son did this as well, I ended up having to leave him kicking and screaming I cried all the way home, and then went to have coffee amd cried with my friend, lol. It'll be ok!

Also I'm not sure how your shcool is, but great news all shcools have gov. guidlines they have to meet so, if your chil is advanced the ppl who come in and test which is done on a reg. basis are going to see this and he will be placed in the proper reading and math groups. Classes are no longer like ok open your books this is what we're doing today....nope they are all tested right away and placed into groups of peers with the same learning abilities, even if that means they need to go to a dif. grade when it comes reading time, or to a one on one teacher for help, the no child left behind act, charts your childs progress and puts them where they need to be, and moves them up or down if need be!!! And you will be surprised 98% of kindergardeners read by the time they go to first grade!! It's def. not like it used to be.

My suggestion to you is if one of you guys has the time volunteer, once s week, or even once a month, get involved know whats going on, most teachers will even let a parent come in and read a book once a week. All classes need room moms to organize things, or even your pto/pta/booster club is a great thing to help in.....when your child sees you helping out and getting invloved they know you care and enjoy seeing you there from time to time!

Answer 6

Trust me your 5 yo will not be bored.  Kindergarten isnt like it used to be..fingerpainting days are over.  These kids are sounding out long words by Christmas.  If you are so worried about the school perhaps you should look into a private school.   Chances are he's just a normal kid and he will be fine.  In fact he'lll probably welcome the change of scenery.

My feeling is that he the divorce was affecting him at school, possibly putting a strain on his relationships with his friends.  And if they are having problems with their friends...it can be traumatic for the kids.  Have you asked him why he was unhappy?  It might actually have to do with you monopolizing time with his father.  You arent his mother or even his step mother for that matter.  He probably needs some therapy to help him work through the sadness of his parents divorce and some good one on one time with his parents individually....ie without you around.