5 year old gifted son but treats adults as equals or sometimes idiots? Advice?

Question

He's a very bright child, deep thinker and soaks up everything like a dry sponge. Sure that's great but now we have a bit of a problem.

He's now correcting teachers, bank tellers, Super Market workers, Church Elders and Fathers.. Or if his older sister cannot get a homework problem correct he will correct her witht his "Duuuh" sort of attitude to it. And sadly he's usually right.

Honestly it was cute when he was younger but now it's gettig to the point it's kind of embarrising.

I want to tell him to be nice and knock off the "know-it all" attitude but I don't want to harbor him at all when it comes to his intelligence.

Lord knows he didn't get it from me! :)

Answer 1

Tell him how very proud you are of your ability but he should not be doing what he is doing

say you need to stop people get anoyed and you wouldnt like it if someone did it to you

i know he means well and i dont blame you for being ever so proud of him but if he doesn't do what you say you need to give him disaplin e.g naughty step , or take away toys

Answer 2

teach him respect

help?

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Answer 3

tell him you love him, explain that he is smart and he should never dumb himself down.

however, explain that it is much nicer to be nice to people in life and he will get further and have more friends if he doesnt make them feel silly.

Nichola - Mummy to 11mos old Sophie x*x

Answer 4

Put a stop to it ASAP. My yougest sister was just like your son, when she got to about 8 or 9 years old she started to have difficulties socially because other kids found her patronizing. It can be difficult if a child is too bright. If you let him continue talking down to people it'll create social problems for him and he'll start to think he's better than others.

Goodluck.  

Answer 5

YOU have allowed him to treat people this way rather than correcting him when he was younger.  Don't blame him for something that you taught him because you thought it was "cute".  You are just going to have to start at the very beginning and when he behaves in that manner remove him from where he is and don't allow him to go with you any longer, explain to him why and that if he can't behave appropriately he won't be allowed to go anywhere with you other than to school or medical appointments.  He doesn't HAVE to go with you to the bank or the store, or to the mall.  

Answer 6

at five he's probably used to people talking down to him and when he knows something that others don't he wants to make sure everyone around knows it. try talking to him and telling them that God made everyone different. He gave us all special talents and for your son it's his brain but for others it may be something different. tell him it's important not to show off or brag about them because you didn't do anything to get them in the first place. God gave them to you. make sure he knows that it's ok to correct people but there's a right and wrong way to do it. you could practice saying things in different tones of voice or different thing to say to people so he knows what you expect him to do.

Answer 7

Gifted children often don't start out with the basic idea that adults are right and may have little respect for authority, not in a 'naughty' way but just because that is how they think. As the other posters said, do your very best to teach him manners and respect. It all improves with time, but he will probably never behave quite like an average child and he shouldn't be expected to pretend he is less intelligent than he is.

Answer 8

Here's the conversation:

"Hi have we met? I'm your mother. I taught you everything you know so you don't get to correct me. If I say the sky is purple with green polka dots, you say "yes mommy I see that and isn't it pretty?"

Demanding that your child be respectful of others is not harboring his intelligence. You're teaching him how to act in social situations. Which is often an under-estimated life tool.  I can tell you from experience, you're going to have to be really firm at first and not give an inch.

Children these days have a HUGE sense of entitlement. Yes we want them to be smart and inquisitive but we also want them to be well-rounded. Being disrespectful to authority figures at a young age isn't only obnoxious, it's going to cause problems for him later in life.

Answer 9

Ha, you have my nephew's long lost twin!

It's tough, but you have to explain that he is blessed with such a gift and that it's great he wants to help others but he needs to learn a better approach.

At 5 he would tell him that he should only help if the person asks him for help, and explain that some grown ups will think he is being rude instead of helpful.

My nephew is 11, but he is already take college courses during his summers since 3rd grade! He still gets a bit rude when dealing with adults but he doesn't realize it so we have to remind him.

Sadly, many people cannot deal with my nephew and just think he is a little brat, but he has Asperger's so his social skills are really bad.

Good Luck!

Answer 10

Wow, what an attitude problem!

I think you and your husband need to seriously talk with him, and model for him the concept of respect - he's obviously missed this somewhere along the way -usually kids start learning that around three and up.

Doesn't matter if he's 'right' or not - if he heads into school acting like this, he'll have no friends.

Be strong parents here, and fix this.

Answer 11

I agree with lucky . It really comes down to respect. Although I wouldn't completely discourage him from questioning authority and correcting  others when need be. It's rude and respect has to be taught to kids. It also should be earned by adults.

My husband does this to a lot of people and it is really embarrassing, but I soon found out he got it from his mother.  Who has really embarrassed me out in public.

Answer 12

Thanks everyone! I have this issue myself. I have been having a terrible time with it. His father is the same way always thinking that he knows all. Unfortunately it is rubbing off onto my son now. It is an awful and difficult thing to have to deal with. His father is a bit of a swindler (lacking in the dept of manners and such) and when I have him on the weekends, I find it very embarrassing at times. I am a professional and around my friends who are a bit different than his father and fathers friends I am at a loss and clueless on what to do! :(  

Answer 13

Start teaching him about respect.  Explain that treating others in a way that he would not like to be treated is wrong.  Also explain that frienships are just as important in life as his brains, and help him work on his social skills.

Answer 14

Manners and respect will in no way hinder his intelligence! If you are feeling this way about his behavior and he is your own child, imagine how others feel about him?! He needs to learn to respect other people and it is up to you to teach him that.

Answer 15

Teaching him manners in no way will harbor his intelligence. Would you rather people say, Wow, that smart alec, hateful kid sure is smart...and a smart a@@? Or Wow, that's a smart, sweet young man you have there? Two of my granddaughters were very precocious, talking very young, amazing memories and both sent into gifted classes when they entered school.

If either one of them had behaved the way you say your son is, correcting teachers and Priest they'd have been taken home and had serious lessons on just how they were to behave in public.

You say your son doesn't get his brain from you but he should get his manners and respect for others from you.

No one likes a know it all and he will be in for a tough life if he is not taught to respect others now. Plus some boy in his 5th grade class(if not sooner) will take exception to his mouth and put a fist in it. That I'd hate to see.

One of my sons couldn't keep his mouth shut and learned the hard way that people other than his family don't have to put up with him.

Good luck.

Answer 16

Be his parent and teach him manners. His intellect is nothing if he does not have the personality and people skills to go with it. You all have oohed and aahed over his ability so much he thinks he is king of the world. It is starting a bit late now but what he needs more than your beaming about how clever he is, since he has had that now all of his life, is a good swift kick in the pants.

Not literally but you need to set him in his place as a child and teach him the basics like speaking respectfully to adults and even to his ten year old sister -- and not helping her if she does not want his help. He may be intellectually gifted but he has the life experience only of a five year old. He NEEDS his parents to guide him and teach him how to behave. You cannot expect him to automatically know. He's still FIVE.

Kind of embarrassing -- try a very accurate reflection of your parenting so far. Why haven't you told him it was not nice to act that way before? I cannot fathom why it was cute when he was three and four.

So...you are pretty late to start teaching him manners and respect for others but you really ought to start now.

"I want to tell him to be nice and knock off the 'know-it-all' attitude but I don't want to harbor him at all when it comes to his intelligence."  Being kind and respectful to people will not "harbor" or as we like to say in English "restrict" his intelligence. Having the skills to get along with others along with his intelligence will help ensure he is not one of those geniuses who spits insults at people and can't get a job when he is older. Will he still be cute and clever if he is living at home, raiding your refrigerator, and acting condescending to you when he's thirty?

"Lord knows he didn't get it from me! :)"  No comment.