6 months old? neglect?? what do you think? what should I do?

Question

I baby sit this baby, she is nearly 6 months old and me and my mother agree she is about the size of a new born. when her mum was explaining what to do and stuff (she des it every time) she always says not to warm the bottle, just give it to her cold. she doesnt wash used bottles either. I had her over night and she was on medication, he dad said to give her the medication with her dinner and if she wouldnt sleep to give her more to knock her out (this is perscription medication). all day they just leave her in a bouncer in front of the TV and she isnt even eating food, just bottles all the time. I asked if she has been bathed (they dropped her off at 8pm) and they said no but didnt want me to bathe her, she has bad flaking on her scalp and cradle cap really bad. she cant support her head yet and doent respond to her name, just clapping and whistling.

i dont want to say they are bad parents because i dont know the full situation, they are friends of my brothers and thats the only reason i look after them.

please let me know what you think. i dont think its right.

Answer 1

It isn't necessary to warm baby bottles if you don't want, it is more a comfort thing and not needed.  The bottles should be washed though after every use but that isn't neglect according to CPS.  Not sure on what medication she is on but it does sound bad that the father is saying to give more to knock her out that would concern me.  The bouncer thing all the time is bad but at 6 months old there is no law that says she has to have solid foods.  Some babies can go 2 days without a bath, frequent baths dry out their skin sometimes (my pediatrician said that too) so unless she is going a week or something without baths they may not see that as neglect either but her clothes should be changed and her diaper should be changed obviously.  Cradle cap isn't necessarily a sign of neglect either, most babies get it and it can be hard to get rid of, with my boys i had to use selsun blue shampoo to get rid of it (per pediatricians recommendations).  She should be able to support her head though and should atleast look at you when you talk to her so I would say something may be wrong there, was she a premie or anything?  Really it is a call you will have to make, do you think they neglect her or not?  You didn't say what she weighed so I couldn't say if the weight is ok or not and really that would be hard to say if it proves neglect or not without knowing the situation because i know babies that are failure to thrive that are in good homes.  

Answer 2

You should call social services. The baby could just be small for her age, but there is really something wrong if she cant hold up her own head! That is bad parenting if you are too lazy to play with your kid, risk getting her sick by not washing bottles, or giving her extra medication. Now she isnt quite 6 months so not starting solid food yet is okay. It will ease your mind if you call and they may contact someone that deals with developmentally slow children as well. If they dont see anything wrong at least if something happens it wont be on your concious.

Answer 3

You sound very young...I am a Mother of two healthy children and I have never warmed their bottles..because I was taught by midwives that it is not necassary..its not neglect! it is not advisable to leave an infant in front of the TV all day and that may be why the baby doesnt respond well yes...cradlecap is very common and not everyone sees the need to remove it. Nothing you have mentioned apart from the ill advised medication is neglect...these are simply not great parents and when you live a bit longer you will see that thjis is all too common...I am afraind that reporting them will do no good...just keep babysitting and YOU can talk to the baby and help it grow.

Answer 4

It's sounds like neglect to me but you never know the whole story. They could be great parents going on doctors orders. Although the TV thing isn't good for any child but that alone isn't neglect, just poor parenting and they will pay for it later when the kid won't sit still or focus on anything. It's really a judgment call on your part. Are these people well-rounded loving people or is there some possible drug/alcohol abuse going on? You see the situation is questionable...just look at the parents and see if there are any flags. Unfortunately contacting CPS only means they will do the bare minimum to address the situation. I have heard many parents talk about notices left on their doors including a date and time for the next visit CPS will make; which means the parents can clean up their act that day and go back to doing what they do after that. If you decide to call, certainly do it but don't expect anything special but if they do their job it will be a good thing. Best wishes.

Answer 5

I'm a Mother of three and I honestly can't believe that anyone would tell you not to contact someone about this child. What's the worse that could happen? Maybe the parents get investigated and it's found that things are fine, well then so what? Now what's the worst that could happen? I don't even want to go there.

I know that child protective services makes it VERY hard to get children taken away from worthless parents. I have a cousin who had a little boy with his girlfriend and you couldn't really get much worse as far as parenting. They were young and completely selfish and clueless and doing a lot of drugs on top of it. It took my family months and months to finally get something done. Today the child is in a normal home and is well adjusted. I shudder to think what might have become of him if we had looked the other way and allowed him to be treated the way he was.

Now this was not a fun thing to do. My cousin is very close to me as is our entire family. But to me there was no question what was right to do. This child does not have any say and cannot do anything about the way it's being treated. So people like us have to give them the voice they don't have.

And yes some people are right about some of these things not necessarily being neglect. For instance my two year old has ezcema and could only bath two times a week at most when he was that young and trust me I'm a great mom. Plus cradle cap happens too even if you're doing everything right. Not warming the bottle, not necessary either.

However the things that worry me are first and foremost the father telling you to give the child more meds to "knock her out". I'm sorry this is pathetic. I can't imagine saying that to a babysitter. If they are open about that to you can you imagine what they do in private?

Plus the child sitting in the bouncy seat alone and not being able to hold up it's head is not right. Maybe there are health issues but even so you'd think the parents would explain this all to you and let you know what's going on...I know I would.

My gut tells me that these people are selfish idiots who have no business "raising" a child. Could I be wrong, of course. The thing is I'd rather take a chance on being wrong then take a chance on a poor helpless child being abused or neglected.

I just can't get over the fact that these parents do all these things like not washing the bottles in front of a sitter. I mean if that's acceptable behavior to them in front of a babysitter I don't want to fathom what else they think is acceptable.

I wish you the best in your decision. I really do think though that all of us need to look out for the best interest of children and to me these people don't look like they are.

Answer 6

Why on earth would they not let you bathe her?   Them not letting you bathe her and telling you to increase her medication sounds like a step above neglect into downright abuse.   They are out right telling you to not take proper care of the baby.   Leaving her in a bouncy seat all day with no interaction besides what she gets from television is neglect.  At 6 months she should be able to support her head there is something wrong there likely physical but if they are doing nothing about it then that too is neglect.  

I would find your local CPS or file a report about your concerns with your local law enforcment agency.  Hopefully CPS or the police will be effective in dealing with this (so many times they aren't) and things will get better for this baby.  

Answer 7

you can contact, social services, nspcc or childline annonomously so noone would have to know it was you hun. Do it as soon as possible because this child could get very sick.

Answer 8

you need to call CPS.  NOW.

Answer 9

Hi - Hmmm tough one this. Me I would take the child to A&E next time you are babysitting and explain your fears to the nurse there. You may be wrong, but at 6 months a baby should be at least supporting its own head..

I guess your worried about losing your job as a babysitter, but imagine how you would feel if the baby died? Would you blame yourself for not doing anything?

Its your call, but I would do SOMETHING.

Call social services and report it without giving your details, although as in the case of Victoria Klumby, nothing will be done.

Answer 10

This is truly sad. Honestly I know that CPS doesn't require much but that you feed a child and put a roof over its head. So maybe what you are seeing is just two truly nasty unconcerned parents.  Your gut instinct is telling you something is truly wrong here and you should listen to you as you may be the only person to speak up for this child. Call CPS.  

Answer 11

I would call the child abuse hotline and let them decide if there is abuse/neglect. You have a strong reason for being worried. Go ahead and call. Please call quickly. This baby does not sound like he is in a safe environment. Good luck.

Here's the national number (don't know where you live):

1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453)

Answer 12

Does your brother spend time with these mates? Surely if he goes round to their place, he would have some idea of the situation. Or haven't you spoken to him? If he is in agreement with you, then contact Social Services. It could be neglect or just very lazy parenting. My boys could their heads up by 6 months old, in fact they were crawling around! Next time you are looking after this baby, give her a nice warm bottle, perhaps buy a jar of baby food, and try feeding on her it. I am sure that babies should be weaned at this age! And read the pharmacist's label on any medications she has for directions on dosage and frequency!

Answer 13

im not sure where you live but cps over where would prob not class it as abuse well not enough to do anything its a really hard situation my 4 month old is lng but slim and she wont take solids yet she can support her head, smile laugh and look at you when you talk to her she makes baby sounds , warming a bottle is not necessary at that age...it depends on what the medication was for and what it is but sometimes babys dont sleep and parents use medication to make there baby slep also not classed as neglect......my daughter watches tv in her bouncer she loves it and it keeps her quiet when she is awake....cradle cap can be hard to get rid of as most babys have it at some stage......the nurse is bound by priacy laws she cant tell the parents you brought her in and then the nurse is obligated to take it further (right an anonimus letter to the nurse so she is made aware of the situation keep a copy you made need it later ) you dont know the parents havent washed the clothes since you last saw them what the mum and dad do in there priate lives will not come into effect unless it is hurting the child s******g his x may not be right but its not illegal.......some people just dont care about there kids but by law its not neglect just very sad if it was my id be keeping a diary, photos and copys of an letters you may send to a nurse or cps so if something does happen to the baby or cps do inestigate you have evidence and can back up your claims as it takes awhile for cps to look into things .....all i can say is good luck and i hope everything works out for this poor little girl

Answer 14

all i can say is u need to follow ur instincts - seriously this could be a dangerous situation - how would you feel if something happen to this baby - knowing you had the power to stop it??

Best of luck.  

Answer 15

just 2 clarify a pp; i am a RN and as legal guardians they will likely be able to find out that you took their child in for medical attention; they have a right 2 her med records and it may be noted in there who brought her in, or they may receive the ins stuff in the mail if they have ins stating what was paid by their ins co , sally jo may tell them she saw you in the waiting room,etc, etc....if u feel like she is in urgent need of care, u should bite the bullet and call cps...or the er, but be prepared 2 explain urself, and call her parents as soon as u get there....in case there really isn't a prob, no matter how bad it looks, and it does look bad, be prepared for the heat; there could be rational unseen reasons for a lot of things, i doubt it but possible; but the DIRTY bottles is awful....i don't give my dd warm milk, it's always lukewarm...easier when out to feed her and she doesn't have to scream while i look for a place to heat it...

Answer 16

yeah i dont care what anyone says thats neglect. If they don't take care of their child its neglect. the fact that they dont take care of her very well, by not keeping her clean and by not keeping her bottles clean is neglect. I would contact social services... or whatever it is you guys have there and report this. That poor child deserves better. Good luck

Answer 17

rEPORT Them And Tell The People your reporting that you dont know wether its abuse or not so if they can help you

but you will need to have evidence witch if you dont they will question the perants they will mabye lie and you lose your job and you COULD go to prison i dont know but if i was you i would report them

Good Luck And All The Best :D xx

Answer 18

It is a well known fact that neglected babies do not thrive and what you have described fits this. You need to contact the authorities and express your concerns, they will not divulge who contacted them. For the sake of this baby (and any future children) someone needs to intervene. I admire your social conscience in the absence of the parents caring properly for this child.

Answer 19

Hmmm, it sounds like a very complicated situation. Kudos for trying so hard to do the right thing. You have my respect.

The baby sounds unhealthy. I'm not so much concerned by the lack of baths (cradle cap can actually be made worse by too much bathing - try olive oil, it works a treat), but by the poor condition and dirty bottles.

As her baby sitter you are in a good position to make sure she at least gets good care while she's with you. Keep up the good work.

Do call CPS. And if you don't feel confident visiting a nurse try calling the hospital/health centre anonymously. Describe the childs physical condition and circumstances and ask for their advice.

Go with your gut on this one, darling. Listen to your heart and you'll do the right thing.

Good luck.

Answer 20

Can you say Child Protention Services?  This is a 6 month old baby, if you feel it's in harms way don't sit back and wait for something to happen. You may not know the full situation .....but what you do know is enough to question its parents.  how sad

Answer 21

that is neglect you should report them apparently they didnt want the child or something.. they need a book on infants and to play with their baby if they wanna keep her

Answer 22

I think your right,that sounds like a bad situation. I guess the best thing you could do is call CPS and remain anonymous. Tell them whats going on. They do take her to a doctor if she hes prescription med. Maybe since this is a small town,the nurse or doc. will listen to you. weigh the baby next time you have her, just weigh yourself first then weigh yourself holding the baby,so you can tell CPS or the nurse.

Do the parents use drugs? Where do they go when you babysit,it sounds like theres not much to do in a town that you described.

Answer 23

oh my god reading that both upset me and pissed me off....there are people out there that can't be parents because of medical circumstances and then these people have the chance to have one of ,if not the most precious gifts in the world and they abuse it!! You are right to be worried and I think you are being very mature about this and at least the child gets properly looked after for the time she is with you and your mum...my daughter is coming upto 6months and she is on food and held her head up very early on and can now sit alone....the fact that the child you look after cannot even hold her own ehad is a cause for concern...you have done the right thing in not rushing to anynoe accusing the parents as u r right u do not know the full story but I think you should now try and talk to someone with the help of your mum as you have seen no change in this child's welfare...don't be worried about falling out with the child's parents...giving a child medication to 'knock her out' is WRONG and in a way its child abuse  and its should be reported..the child can't speak or express her feelings and NEEDS your help before,I dread to say .its too late

Answer 24

report it to social services or a health visitor, something has to be done, that poor child.. i hope that things get sorted. keep us updated. good luck hun x