6 year old daughter throws tantrums at bed time?

Question

Almost every night when we ask our 6 year old to get ready for bed and get in bed, she throws a fit. She stomps and cries. When we tell her we will count to 3 and if we get to 3 there will be a punishment, she just keeps on stomping and crying. We get to 3 and ground her from something (like video games or playing with her friends) and that is when she throws herself on the floor screaming, crying and kicking. We tell her if we count to 3 again that she will get another punishment and she continues to throw the fit. We get to the point where there is nothing left to take away. We always follow through on the punishments. We never let her earn them back (we used to let her earn then back for good behavior but then she told us it didn't matter if she was bad because she could just earn it back). What do we do to get bed time to not be such a hassle? I even tell her that if she gets in bed I will sing to her which is something that she cherishes, but that doesn't even get her to listen.

Answer 1

Have you ever watched super nanny, time out is quite effective for my almost five yr old, it takes her out of the situation and because I am not constantly grounding her she doesn't get the attention that she was throwing the fit for.  Try putting her in a time out spot anywhere she cannot hurt herself  or break things, My daughter sits on the bottom stair or on a rug in the kitchen.  You daughter is 6 so she would be in time out for 6 min.  You put her in the timeout spot, tell her You are going in time out for such and such behavior that is not acceptable, put her in time out and walk away if she gets out just put her in there again and restart the time.  The first few times she will fight you tooth and nail but after a few times she will get it.  You have to be consistent that is the key to anything working.  Don't offer her treats like singing or anything else if she is throwing a tantrum, this is bribing your child and it puts her in control of the situation.  For bed I agree with the other person, Say goodnight and walk out when she gets out put her back in there don't get her anything or offer her anything.  She will probably fight you again, be strong and Most of all consistent!

Answer 2

Im not sure what time her bedtime is but if it is 9:00, the make her go into her room at 7:00.  Tell her if shes good she can go at 7:30 the next night.  If she is forced to go into her bedroom at an earlier time, she will just get tired out of screaming and crying.   Eventually she will go to sleep.

Another idea is you should get into bed when she does.  Your daughter probably thinks she is missing out on all the fun when she goes to bed.  If you go to bed also, your daughter will start to realize that at night, everyone goes to sleep.

Answer 3

Been there, done that.  My kids all did that, don't give in.  I would get them tired and then a good dinner & warm bath.  That would do the trick.  They would get up happy and ready for a new day.

Answer 4

Try talking to her early in the day about what bedtime is going to be like that night.  Tell her exactly what you expect from her, word for word.  For example, "Honey, I want to talk to you about bedtime tonight.  First you will take your bath, then you will brush your teeth, then use the potty, then put on your pajamas--first your underwear and socks, then your pajama top, then your pajama bottom, then your socks.  Then I will read you 2 stories, and you can pick them out if you like, then you will get into bed, say your prayers and go to sleep.  I expect you to do this calmly and quietly".  Of course, you fill in your own script for whatever your normal bedtime routine is, but you get the picture, you have to tell her step by step exactly what is going to happen and that you expect it to be done peacefully.  This is non-negotiable.  Also tell her what time this is expected to occur.   When bedtime comes around, and she tests you, which she will, don't say a word (she is trying to negotiate--that which has already been discussed and is non-negotiable).  Simply walk her over to whatever she needs to do next (toothbrushing, or if you have to pick her up and put her in bed, do so.)  Tell her goodnight and walk out (don't go back when she kicks, screams, and cries).  If she gets out of bed, put her back in.  If you have to speak, simply and calmly remind her of what you spoke about earlier in the day.  Of course if everything is going well, you can talk to her as you normally would, I'm just saying not to let her engage you in a back and forth banter about bedtime.

Answer 5

Threaten to throw her in the shower. Then do it. A quick squirt of cold water does the trick. She'll pout, but she won't have another hissy fit.

Answer 6

If she cherishes your singing to her why not sing a get ready for bed song that you make up. Sounds like you're getting caught up in the heat of the moment (so easy to do!) so why not make a conscious effort to turn it around and make it more fun?

Answer 7

Its not a problem.My little sister who is 6 does the exact same thing.It is a stage of there life i suppose. Most little children i know do it .If she is eating or drinking before she goes to be, stop that.Try to calm her down by reading her a story, if that doesn't work, tell here the more tantrums she throws the less sweets she will get. Try to cut down on food or drink that contains caffeine  or sugar to.If all else fails, let here stay up all night on a weekend and in the morning she will be tied and will regret it.

Answer 8

Give her a prize each week if she does not throw a tantrum, then every 6 weeks, give her a later bedtime, I did that  to my daughter when she was 5 and it worked!

Answer 9

Tantrums are a way of expressing something that she can't verbalize. Does she do this at any other points in the day, or just at or prior to bed time? Sit her down and calmly ask her what it is that's bothering her, chances are she will tell you. Maybe she doesnt like sleeping in the dark, maybe she wets the bed, maybe she's having nightmares etc. Make it crystal clear to her before her bed time what time you expect her to be in bed at, and what she will do before going to bed (brushing teeth, shower/bath, reading a book etc). Also put a nightlite in her room, that way she's not sleeping in the dark. Also don't give in to her demands, and punish/discilpine her when she acts out and make it clear to her she won't act this way. If this contiues book a counceselling session with her and a therpasit.

Answer 10

Try to calm her down and then if she doesn't have her run around or do jumping jacks.  This will tire her out and make her ready for bed.

Answer 11

I have a different style of parenting and dont wish to sound like am preaching, because it's hard job no matter which way you do it!!  

Sometimes my 4 year old doesnt want to go to bed when we ask her to.  I say to her, "That's okay hunny!  You dont 'have' to 'want' to go to bed,  but you are still have to go to bed"!  She is allowed to be angry about it, and she certainly doesnt have to like it, but she still has to do it.  

She has a choice of walking to her bed herself, or the "I will make you" option.  I like to remind her that when I have to make her, sometime it hurts her.  (If she struggles against me I use equal force. eg tighten my grip on her).

When she is done screaming crying and kicking ( feeling angry and helpless),  and she acccepts the situation, she can become quite upset.  (feeling really angry is very unsettling).  She knows that she can call out to me and I will comfort her.  Then off to sleep, exhuasted from her battle, my firmness is the ground beneath her feet, and my comfort is the accecptence for her right to feel and still be loved.

It can be really uncomfortable listening to her anger, and if it's a long battle then I take turns with my hubby taking her back to bed if required.  It's not often this happens, but every now and then she likes to see if were paying attention!  She gets the same results each time!  We try to be as flexible as we can where we can, so when we do have to be firm on something she certainly takes notice.  

Sometimes to get someone to listen you need to show them how it's done.

Good luck!  :)

Answer 12

Your daughter seems to have gotten herself (and you) in a hole. You need to try something different. My approach would be to explain to her very seriously that it is important for her to get enough sleep and that you feel responsible for making sure she does. You could give her an extra toy (like a cute stuffed animal) for a sleeping companion. If she insists on throwing tantrums, if she were my daughter she would go to bed with a very red and hot bottom, today and if necessary tomorrow and the day after tomorrow. Hope this helps.