6 year old problem child?

Question

received out of foster care, my grandchild, aggressive video gamer, hits teachers and bullys other students and frequent suspensions and looking at him failing kindergarden, what to do?

Answer 1

I teach first grade.  I don't care for all these video games.  I think they really mess with a kids attention span, but anyway.  Most kids who bully are doing it for attention, which he probably needs.  It sounds like he has attention seking behavior.  I know its hard but you need to constantly praise ANYTHING good he does.  This will be a positive reinforcement for him.  Has his teacher tried to learn about and create a personal relationship with him?  Is he on a behavior intervention plan?  He needs to be on a behavior plan where he gets rewarded for positive behavior. Say he has a sticker book, where he gets a sticker everytime his teacher catches him doing good.  After so many stickers he gets to play on the computer or something.  Does his school have a counselor?  He should be seeing one.  Hope this helps!

Answer 2

This must be really hard for your family, esspecially when your son/daughter has done such an unselfish thing to take a child into their care.

Stick with him! He has proberly seen and heard lots of things a child his age should never see or hear. He proberly feels insecure and rejected by every one he's ever loved in his life. Talk to him, tell him u are not goin to leave him and he can stay with u as long as he wants (only if ur son/daughter can keep this promise though). I know this can sometimes be hard esspecially when u are on the recieving end of this behaviour. The good thing is he's still quite young and you can get through this. I would ban the violent computer games. PERIOD! no excuses. You need to set up clear boundaries and guidelines and STICK to them. If he breaks the rules then be sure to enforce the punishment that you have told him he will recieve for breaking such rules. You have got to be consistent. Never use physical violence against a child-it just doesn't work, it makes them violent too. Dont forget to use rewards aswell, for example if he behaves all day at school he can play an non-violent computer game or have his favourite meal for tea etc. Or u could use a star chart and he can recieve a toy at the weekend if he doesn't hit anyone all week. You know him best so whatever it is that u think he would like. It's also important to praise him for being good, make a big fuss over him and try to ignore negative behaviour if it is not too serious. You cant ignore violence though. He wont change over night but if he doesn't improve at all maybe you should seek help from child proffessionals or a councillor. Really try not to give up on him though, because ultimatley your family sticking by him will enable him to feel loved, valued and secure and hopefully turn his behaviour around.

Answer 3

For whatever reason? (its important to actually know this child's history) this child has learned to solve problems by being aggressive. I would say, from what you describe, that this child has something that needs to be taken head on NOW or the residue will be enormous.  I think that somehow, somewhere that either he has been "modeled" this behavior, it is a act of frustration about something ?, he has learned that this behavior works (ie. he gets attention, the toy, first in line etc.)  I would talk to him and the teacher to find out in what circumstances this occurs.  I would make a united pact with the teacher and get this moving.  I would ask the child what were some ideas they may have.  I could guess that the word "impowerment" might be fitting.  Empower this child through this process. Please do not use physical punishment on the child.  Your description leads me to think that this is what started it all in the first place. How do you think the child could consider themselves "powerful" without committing harm on others?  I think a plan to give him some responsibilities that encourage decision making and promotes confidence thru ownership.  I wish you well and please read a book called "Guidance Matters by Dan Gartrell.  Write me if you need more.

Answer 4

Well, I would say that if he has any violent video games, they need to disappear.  Also, try to spend some one-on-one time with him each day and focus on his positive behaviors.  Praise him when he offers to help or plays nicely with a sibling or neighbor.  Give him an alternative to use when he is upset such as using his words to describe his feelings rather than hitting.  I used several children's books that dealt with anger for my daughter but the one she liked the best was "when i feel angry".  It gave easy to understand ideas for cooling down when mad.    She also made a "special place" in the dining room where she can go when she gets too overwhelmed.  She has coloring books and music that help soothe her.  

Also, talk the guidance counselor at school about the situation.  If they are not involved already.  We even sought out additional counseling for my daughter at an outpatient facility.  If you find a good counselor, it can be a very personal and enjoyable experience for the child.  

Good luck.

Answer 5

Considering he is fresh out of foster care, there is no telling what kind of life he has led. (I'm sure you are familiar with his life up until this point, but because I'm not, I'm going to assume that it has been rough for him). As frustrating as it is (I know, this is easy for me to say) but show him constant love and support. When you show children that you love them constantly, believe in them and want to see them do better, he will eventually catch onto that and feel bad for disappointing you and try to do the right thing. Along with this, it may not hurt to let him see a counselor. His counselor could not only help him, but help you to understand why he's acting like this and give you suggestions to help him. I also agree with the others - don't allow violent video games. Good luck!