7 mon. pregnant,unhappy and need advice?

Question

ok I'm 21 been married 13 months ill be 7 months pregnant tomorrow with our first baby but I'm not sure if I'm happy or not...my husband and i been best of friends for 6 years...we lost contact and regained contact in 06 while he was in Iraq....he came home in march 07 and decided we were meant to be and got married last july...the problem is i don't trust him...i want to but its hard b/c i don't know what to believe and I'm wondering if were not staying together after 6 months were legally separated NOT DIVORCED and i feel if we can be happy together then i dont want him apart of my sons life not to keep him away from him but its reasons why i want it that way...but my question is even though were married and we separate,at my babies birth can i tell him to not sign the birth certificate?or since were married and i took his last name he has to sign it...??

Answer 1

is your separated husband in the military still?  you can see a military lawyer for free and ask them.  they will give you straight legal advise.

if your husband isn't in the military anymore you can call a legal help line or family law attorney.  they will probably answer this question over the phone.

on a personal note:  marriage is a very cool thing.  you have to trust and be very forgiving of your military spouse.  being pregnant is hard without the support of your husband.  i hope you are near your family so that they can support you.

Answer 2

confusing, have you guys tried counseling or talking about your insecurities before the baby comes?

Answer 3

I'm assuming you are going to file for divorce? When you do, custody of your child will be decided.  i know you have your reasons for not wanting your babies father to be a part of his life, but, the court will make that decision for your baby.  

don't you think if you keep your baby from his father, in the long run, your baby will resent you for it?  maybe not in the beginning but when your child is old enough i think you can expect some resentment.

i think it' s unfair of you to keep your baby from his/her father?  regardless of how you feel about him, it's really your baby that is missing out.

Answer 4

At 21 years of age you have allot of growing up to do.

Your a s***w up with your life and his. All your doing is creating havoc and problems. You need to be simplicit in your life and by all means grow up for God sakes.

You need to be responsible and the way your acting right now is not responsible. Go figure it out.

Sorry to be so rash, but I tell it like it's.

Answer 5

A prime example why you should not be married or having children at such a young age. At 21 I was partying like a rock star and in college. I didn't get married until 26 and I still thought that was young. I didn't have my first child until 33. You are already prego and married so you can't unring the bell. When you are prego lots of things go through your head with emotions and hormones. Dont' give up on your marriage so quickly. Once the baby comes you will realize just how hard it is to do alone. You will probably eventually get divorced anyway by the way you are talking. Babies do not make relationships better if they are already bad. They usually put more strain on them. The baby is your husband's baby. I doubt he will want to sign away his rights. Not fair to your child to deny him his father either. Very immature. You not trusting him is your own issue in your own head. You need to figure out how to deal with that.

You are in control of your life. You can make it happy or sad. If you see life as the enemy then war is what you get. If you see life as your partner then harmony is what you get.  

Answer 6

Well I can't believe your worried about a signing of a birth certificate. You say you can't trust him. Has he been unfaithful? If he has did you give him another chance? See if he was unfaithful and you gave him another chance then I can see why you don't trust him. He would have to earn that back. But for you, you need to talk to a counselor and get out those feelings. You don't want to live your life in fear of something he may or may not do. Your living in constant fear. Your kids and your husband should try different ways to communicate better. Sometimes we say something but it is usually misinterpreted. And the reason for that is because the person listening hears it and puts his or her take on it. How many times have you said no that's not what I meant and say this is what I meant. The other person so no your lying I know what your saying. Please that is a skill learned by are parents or peers. Before you write this marriage off try a few options. You both were best friends, You are about to be blessed with child. You both need to wake up. Because later you will have both realized you gave up to soon and live in remorse because you were meant for each other.

Answer 7

I believe you can ask him to give up his parental rights but it has to be his choice.

Other than that, you will have to find a way to work out your parental relationship with him.  If he were part of your son's life what would you expect of him.  Communicate that very clearly.

Answer 8

Don't be selfish. You may not want him to be part of your life but do not keep him from his own son. For whatever reasons you don't want to be with him, that's fine because you're the adult but you will be depriving your son of his own father. He may be a awful husband but a good father. Let him sign the birth certificate.

Answer 9

Do you want to be married to this guy? If so, maybe you should try some sort of counselling and put some hard work into your marriage. Both of you deserve happiness and your child deserves a happy life, preferably with two loving parents. Marriage is hard work and you need to be constantly attending to it - even in the good times.

As for alrozz, just ignore him/her  - judgemental and harsh criticsim is not what is needed here. Just think long and hard about your options before you make any rash decisions. Good luck!