7 year old step-child is dirtying his pants during the day. Please help!?

Question

My partner split up with his wife over 3 year ago. His children who are 7 and 15 stay with us every other weekend from Friday to Monday, and every Sunday on the weeks we don't have them all weekend. I have a good relationship with them. However, the 7 year old (7 years 6 months), most often will dirty himself during the day. This happens at home and when he is with us, and is happening at school too. Sometimes it is a case of him not cleaning himself properly, other times he is properly emptying his bowels into his pants.

He will happily stay in the dirty underwear until we finally smell him. When we ask him if he has he totally denies it until he no longer can (ie, he is about to undress). We have tried talking to him about it, we have tried shouting and we have tried ignoring it and just dealing with it calmly. Nothing seems to work. This weekend we have had to deal with it each day. I would welcome any advice on the best way to deal with this. Thank you.

Answer 1

Jesus Christ, i think i would get rid of him and get a puppy instead.

Answer 2

It sounds like maybe it is a medical issue, if not he may be seeking some kind of attention. I hope your not a wicked mean step-mother, or you will be sorry.

Answer 3

It sounds like he has a condition called Encopresis, often caused by constipation.  Make sure he is checked by a doctor so you can find out exactly what is happening with his digestive system.  I think it is not likely that he is just being lazy or naughty - how many children really want to have dirty pants at school?

He is probably very embarrassed by his soiling, which is why he stays in dirty underwear.  Encourage him to tell you when he has dirtied his pants (say you will not tell him off if he does so) and if he denies he has then you will probably have to insist on checking his underwear - it is very unhealthy for him to stay in dirty pants, so do not leave it until he is getting undressed.

It is a very frustrating and messy problem for you to deal with - but it is also terrible for the child.  Believe me, he does NOT enjoy dirtying his pants.  Best of luck.