9 Year old boy with very fresh mouth, and serious attitude problem?

Question

I'm up in the air with this kid of mine. He will say things to other friends of ours like "your not my mother, I don't have to listen to you" or demanding his 14 year old brother to flip the TV Channel, or do his chores, like he's the ruler of the house or something. The other day he looked at Kristen our upstairs neighbor when she generally said, I don't lie like some other people I know that do, and get away with it. My son said "I'm not a lier, and shut up" That was the last of my bundle of nerves, so I shouted telling him to go in the house, I've had enough of his mouth. He just stood there leaning against a tree talking back freshly to me still. Then I was furious, and grabbed him by the coat, to the door, and he screamed, kicked, cried, I told him again to get in the house, he then braced his arms around the railing and pushed himself back so I couldn't get him through the door, being a very stubborn, ignorant brat. So I picked him up physically, and put him in the house, why me?

Answer 1

With kids (as with anyone) pretty much every attitude problem has an underlying reason.  He seems to be quite upset with something in his life, and if you are able to get to the bottom of it, he will be a much happier kid.

Think through some of the options: is he having a rough time at school?  Is he being bullied?  Is he being abused (in any way) by someone?  Does he feel ignored?  

Maybe he just wants some extra attention from you, his parent.  I would suggest taking him out - by himself - for a day or part of a day....go to IHOP, toss around a baseball, do something that is just you and him.  It will not only make him feel special but also might give you an idea of what is bothering him.  Ask good questions: "How is everything going at school?"  "How are your friends?"

Typically if a kid tries to avoid the question, there is something they are trying to hide.  Let him know that whatever is going on you want to help him with it.  Let him know that he is loved no matter what.

Additionally, you need to continue to stand up to him, and let him know that you are the parent and he is the child.  With kids this age, removal of privileges is usually the best way to punish them.  As in "Each day that you are rude to an adult I am going to remove your TV watching privileges"  

Good luck!

Answer 2

I'm sorry if you don't agree with it, but..hey.  My daughter is six and she TRIES to be fresh and not listen.  But as soon as she comes out of her mouth sideways she gets a swift smack to the mouth.  (I don't hit her enough to even hurt, it's just the surprise and embarrasment that stops it).  That does the trick.  He does it because he knows he can and nothing will happen.  Tan the hide au naturale and it might work, maybe not.

Answer 3

Call child services and get rid of him and give him to the state.

Answer 4

a strong will will do things for your son u couldnt imagine but u need to break that will my boys are the same way one every 6 months or so it turns into a half hour of do this and he says no then its 1 2 3  and crack right on the ***  then again 1 2 3 crack crack crack  now do this no 1 2 3 crack crack crack crack crack crack then for 6 months he doesnt talk back or tell me what he is gonna do u have to be the king of your castle your bigger and stronger then him and he needs to know that and needs you to be so cuz e will sleep sounder st night if he knows your there to protect him and he will respect you more for being a man and when he gets older he will thank you for it

Answer 5

you should discipline him and why you is because you made him and you should of taught him when he was small he was probably spoiled

Answer 6

I work at a children's psychiatric hospital, and see many behaviors like your son is presenting with. There are so many questions regarding why is he acting this way... has he suffered any type of loss in his life, stress at school, any other type of stressors that could make him act out this way? Is he not being disciplined by you or his mother by setting limits?

I would suggest some counseling if he has suffered some kind of loss, or is stressing about something. Or it's time to set some rules in place if he has been allowed to get away with cussing and being defiant. Taking toys away, no tv, no video games is one way to start as a consequence to his bad behavior, but you and his mom or whoever else is his guardian need to be on the same page. Consistancy is a must!

Answer 7

You did right by picking him up and taking him in the house. Don't argue with him. Don't let him go to places where he doesn't treat other people correctly. Tell him he can't go to these places until he listen to  you. Sometimes parents argue with kids to much.

I was at a gymnastic meet yesterday. It was award time. My daughter thought she was in another age group and came to me to see. She is suppose to stay on the floor until all the award are given out. She is not suppose to be by me. She should sit with her team mates. That is proper etiquet. She is 11 years old. I told her what age group she was in. She then started to argue with me. I am sure she was a little stressed and was hoping she would get an award. I told her I don't like how you are talking to me. I told you B is your age group. You do not argue with me. Go and sit down! Of course I was the mean parent. She was upset when she got her awards. Other parents thought I was mean for ruining her awards. There kids do not mind them. Mine do. She apologized to me in the car on the way home. She said she was nervous. I excepted her apology. Told her she should have spoken nicer. I was showing her in the book what group she was. But she did break the rule by coming to see me. That is a rule our gym has and it has to be followed.

My mother feels a sassy mouth needs a good crack in the face. Not hard just enough to wake you up. If you could not follow peoples rules at there house then you don't need to go there. If you can't act right at home then you will not leave the house. If someone has to tell you not to do something you know is wrong you would be in big trouble when you got home. I have followed these rules myself with my kids. I am complimented on how well behaved my kids are all the time.

You are going to have to get real strict and tell him why he can't do something. Don't stand there and argue. Send him  to his room. It is going to be a very hard few days or weeks. Eventually he will get the ideal. You can not give a child a punishment when they are extremely upset or a time out. Time outs are used to think about what you did wrong. How can you do this when you are so upset. I wait until they have calmed down. I ask them are they ready to talk about it. If they are we discuss it. they are 9 and 11 now. I ask them what do they think about what happened. How could it be different. I point out things to them. Sometimes when we are out I will point out other kids being bad. Not all the time. Just to show them how ridiculous they look.

I do not beat my kids! I try talking and puinishing them. When that doesn't work well then a good spankin will work.I don't spank the kids I watch but people send me there kids when the can't get babysitters because of there kids behavior.

Also sometimes you need to get down to there level and talk to them. Make eye contact with them. To make sure they are listening. Definetly reward good behavior. Thank them for doing good. My parents were in a car accident. I had to tend to them and Dr. My girls just sat there. When I was done. I thank them for being so patient with me and staying out of the way and hugged them. Then I began to tell them everything that happened.

It will take time but you can do it!